AIBU about the football dictating my social calendar

[Footballgf]

England won the game last night, great, I’m as happy about it as the next person.

Cue text from my bf basically saying have next Saturday clear we’re watching the game! We only spend weekends together due to work and me living at home with the parents and my daughter to save for a house deposit. I was supposed to be visiting a friend and her daughter at the weekend so suggested my Bf watch the football with his brothers etc. And I’ll do my own thing with DD.... to me a perfectly reasonable suggestion!

BF wasn’t happy about it to which I explained that my DD might not want to watch football with him and his brothers as she isn’t into football, we also have a day out Sunday with BF and his friends to an event which DD won’t have much interest in but think I can keep her occupied enough for her to enjoy being out and about. For context football will be on at his brothers house and they will probably do a bbq, my dd will be the only child there and often ends up pottering around the garden on her own a little bored. To me our afternoon could be spent seeing an old friend and my dd’s Friend and he can watch the football.

What I was then told is that basically if I didn’t watch the football with him Saturday then I wouldn’t see him this weekend, as if he wasn’t good enough to spend time with Saturday then he wasn’t Sunday either.

AIBU to find this response really childish! Apparently if he isn’t good enough to spend time with Saturday then he isn’t Sunday and why should he give up his time to see me when I won’t him. He feels like he just gave up his Saturday to watch my dd’s Swimming lesson and spend time with us. I feel a bit like it’s all point scoring and that there is an expectation that I will just be there all weekend every weekend to do whatever he wants and that if I dare say I don’t want to do something it creates a ridiculous argument. I’m quite happy to have a bit of time apart every now and then because it’s healthy!

Baffled....

Hmm, call me cynical but I suspect he had other duties in mind for you on Saturday. If you don’t go I’m guessing he’ll have to organise his own food and drink, and transport home.

And that attempt to manipulate you is a big old red flag.

As others have said. It’s not football dictating your and your daughter’s social life, it’s your boyfriend. Only you can decide if that is acceptable to you but it wouldn’t be for me. I would suggest you and your daughter do whatever you want and enjoy yourself.

Wanting to watch the game, not unreasonable.

The rest of it and his attitude towards you and your child? He’s a dick.

What I was then told is that basically if I didn’t watch the football with him Saturday then I wouldn’t see him this weekend, as if he wasn’t good enough to spend time with Saturday then he wasn’t Sunday either.

This is where a lot of people would start bandying around the word "controlling." It sounds very childish to me (though who hasn't been childish when they're really disappointed?) but it's only controlling if you let yourself be controlled. If this is the first time he's issued an ultimatum like that, then by refusing to give in to it and just cheerfully replying "OK then, DD and I will do our own thing this weekend and I'll see you the following weekend," you will be beginning to train him into either not issuing ultimatums, or accepting that if he does, he won't always get what he wanted. There's actually no harm in people in a relationship doing different things sometimes - his mistake is to make it sound like a battle when it could just be a conscious choice by both of you.