To think they should just get the bus

[Dillydallyer]

I’ve been driving for a long time. I took my test at 17. In that time I estimate I’ve spent upwards of 40k on cars, 10k on insurance, £3k on MOT’s and services, £2k on tax plus I have no idea how much on repairs, new tyres, petrol etc. Then there was the cost of driving lessons, the theory test, the actual driving test. It adds up to a significant amount.

So AIBU to think that people who choose not to learn to drive (obviously unless of medical conditions etc) should not just assume a driver will give them a lift somewhere unless they are offered?

I work shifts. Many of my colleagues don’t drive so have to get the bus or a taxi. I’ve lost count of how many of them have just assumed I’ll give them a lift home to save them using public transport. If I’ve refused (politely, I might add) they always say they’ll give me what they would have paid in bus/taxi fare. Well that’s all very well but I’m neither a bus nor a taxi. I have given lifts on occasion, and made it clear that it’s not a regular thing, to people where I won’t have to go out of my way to drop off. Certain colleagues, who lives 4-5 miles in the opposite direction, have just assumed therefore that I’ll also take them home and have taken offence when I’ve refused to add an extra 8-10 miles a day onto my journey, especially when this can take an extra half an hour during rush hour. I am always polite and explain my reasons, and don’t need advice on how to say no to them because I’m perfectly able to refuse, but I just can’t believe the cheek of some people. One of them asked me to drive him home in the snow because he ‘didn’t fancy’ walking to the bus stop when my car was parked nearby. He lives up a hill that is well known for being a hazard in bad weather so I didn’t particularly fancy someone running into me and damaging my car/injuring me when it wasn’t even on my route home.

I’m always the first to offer if someone is in desperate need and I would never see someone struggle but it seems that everyone assumes a driver is a taxi!

So AIBU?

Not at all Nike
Most of those things happen occasionally and you do them at your own time.
You don't have to fill up at 6.50am in the morning, you could do it at 6.55am but a bus won't wait for you. You make an appointment for a service and if its not convenient you reschedule. You can't reschedule a bus.

Basically having a car means you have power over your own life. Being reliant on public transport can be make you feel very powerless. I hate the fact that I can never drive. I wish I had autonomy over my own life. I feel incredibly lucky to have a partner who who drives and can share that independence.

So you don't have to share that joy with anyone but I choose to because society is set up for car users and I know how dispiriting it is to be at a disadvantage.

They don't sound very nice, when I was without a car I used to feel guilty asking for lifts and always gave petrol money in some way ie paid for burgers at a bbq, gave them money towards a drink or a meal etc

You can't reschedule a bus.
You can catch a different bus
So you don't have to share that joy with anyone but I choose to because society is set up for car users and I know how dispiriting it is to be at a disadvantage.
But you've said you can't drive so how are you sharing that joy with anyone? (Unless you're sharing the joy of your company!)

It's very expensive to learn to drive nowadays, unlike when you did OP.

If you don't want to give someone a lift just say no.

I held a driving licence for 24 years before losing mine 9 months ago.

In the last 9 months I've asked friends, family and colleagues for lifts and all have been kind enough to do so. Now I'm feeling cheeky !

No, you can't reschedule us, but you can get a taxi at any time you like. It will pick you up from anywhere at a time that suits you and take you to exactly the place you want to be

YANBU and I say that as someone who will never be able to drive due to poor eyesight.

I would never ask for a lift and always use public transport. Although I am obviously very appreciative when it's offered and always offer to pay.

Your colleagues are taking the piss.

Obvs I am sharing the joy by giving the use of our car to other people via the medium of lifts. I don't physically drive it but I share the cost as I benefit from the having the car.

Eh if you've never had to depend on public transport then you wouldn't get it.

Very kind of you Showergirl to offer up the services of your husband's car and driving. Very kind indeed.

But what is it that YOU offer exactly? How do YOU go out of your way?

I don't think that should be in the same category as tight/lazy which are things people can change.

If someone can't afford it, they can't afford it. I can't dnd even if I could afford to learn we can't afford a second car and as I can walk to work and DH often works weekends I'd have very few opportunities to actually drive and build the confidence needed for the three or four times a year when me being able to drive would be useful.

Very kind of you Showergirl to offer up the services of your husband's car and driving.
Exactly! I know I've always been delighted to be volunteered as the taxi service by a partner. I particularly remember a Christmas party where I had to stay sober the entire (very long & very dull) night so I could take then partner's lodger's family back to theirs. The party was being held at partner's so I had no need to go near my car otherwise!

I have had to rely on public transport thanks!

We're generous with lifts because we know how soul destroying it is waiting for a grotty, smelly expensive bus where the potential of uncomfortable situations is high.

You mean your DH is generous with lifts, don't you Showergirl? He's the one actually driving.

I'm usually happy to give people a lift, but I do think a lot of non drivers don't always realise how inconvenient it can sometimes be.

To them, it might be 'five minutes out of someone's way', but they don't factor in that it's also another five minutes getting back en route, possibly having to drive down a bumper to bumper main road that you can normally avoid and so on. Or that if it's late at night you might be exhausted and really just want to get home as soon as possible.

So don't be quick to dismiss an offer of a lift home as no big deal for the person offering; it can sometimes add twenty or more minutes to their journey even though it might seem just five minutes out of the way for you.

I didn't drive until I was 30 and never asked for lifts. Often people offered and I would accept if it didn't put them out or if I could do something else to return the favour. I think it's nice to help each other out but it shouldn't be one way traffic and it shouldn't just be assumed.

I don’t drive. I have always used a bus or cycled. I had a motorcycle for a time but scrapped it when it required too many repairs! My fiancé drives and when he cannot drive me somewhere I cycle but he prefers to take me where I need to go when he can because he worries I’ll get knocked off my bike!

having a car is a luxury and should be shared IMO

Righto, are you going to 'share' in the cost of said luxury then? Or just be a cheeky shit with an entitled attitude?

OP i'm with you. I HATE giving people lifts because it always becomes something they take for granted. Don't get me wrong, i will help out in an emergency, & if someone is going my way i'll offer. But i no longer take people places unless it benefits me. Sick of being taken for a mug. Luckily i now have 2 car seats in the back so space is really limited!

Ive been both sides of this as for a long time I could drive but didn’t have a car, despite living outside a big city, now I have a car. I never asked for lifts unless I knew someone was going exactly the same way, ie going from work to a work meeting off site. I’m happy to offer lifts now I have a car. What I would observe though, from friends who have never driven, is that they do tend to underestimate the cost, and effort of driving. As an example, two friends who don’t drive asked me to drive to the Peak District (5 hours) as the petrol would be less expensive than the train. Another asked me to drive us to Penzance (4 hours) for the same reason. Admittedly I was going to the same places in those cases but to be honest I much preferred the idea of finishing work and jumping on the train, possibly with a nice glass of wine, to getting in the car and driving for several hours after an 8 hour day. Both sets of friends also seemed surprised that I was tired when I got there!

Both sets of friends also seemed surprised that I was tired when I got there!
Yes, to non-drivers, driving looks like sitting. I was shocked by how tired I was when I started to learn. I'd driven a bit before, but not every day and not for as long.

but life is sooooo much easier with a car

then get your own? Life is also so much easier with a cleaner and a cook, are you offering your services for free?

having a car is a luxury and should be shared IMO

How far will you take this sharing?!

A garden, holiday home, cleaner, bonus is a luxury-how much should we share them!?

Nice to see you sharing your partner’s car-what do you share of yours?

I waddled to the bus stop through snow and over icy pavement when I was in the third trimester. I never expected my colleagues to give me a ride just because they can drive and I can't (in this country).