To think they should just get the bus

[Dillydallyer]

I’ve been driving for a long time. I took my test at 17. In that time I estimate I’ve spent upwards of 40k on cars, 10k on insurance, £3k on MOT’s and services, £2k on tax plus I have no idea how much on repairs, new tyres, petrol etc. Then there was the cost of driving lessons, the theory test, the actual driving test. It adds up to a significant amount.

So AIBU to think that people who choose not to learn to drive (obviously unless of medical conditions etc) should not just assume a driver will give them a lift somewhere unless they are offered?

I work shifts. Many of my colleagues don’t drive so have to get the bus or a taxi. I’ve lost count of how many of them have just assumed I’ll give them a lift home to save them using public transport. If I’ve refused (politely, I might add) they always say they’ll give me what they would have paid in bus/taxi fare. Well that’s all very well but I’m neither a bus nor a taxi. I have given lifts on occasion, and made it clear that it’s not a regular thing, to people where I won’t have to go out of my way to drop off. Certain colleagues, who lives 4-5 miles in the opposite direction, have just assumed therefore that I’ll also take them home and have taken offence when I’ve refused to add an extra 8-10 miles a day onto my journey, especially when this can take an extra half an hour during rush hour. I am always polite and explain my reasons, and don’t need advice on how to say no to them because I’m perfectly able to refuse, but I just can’t believe the cheek of some people. One of them asked me to drive him home in the snow because he ‘didn’t fancy’ walking to the bus stop when my car was parked nearby. He lives up a hill that is well known for being a hazard in bad weather so I didn’t particularly fancy someone running into me and damaging my car/injuring me when it wasn’t even on my route home.

I’m always the first to offer if someone is in desperate need and I would never see someone struggle but it seems that everyone assumes a driver is a taxi!

So AIBU?

Don't get me wrong, if I saw someone heading my way on foot I'd pick them up. And if someone lived near me I would give them a lift. I wouldn't expect someone to get the bus if I was going the same way and passing them. But my argument is what happens if I go out of my way, especially in bad weather, and am in a collision. The person I'm giving a lift to wouldn't be out of pocket and going through the hassle of insurance claims. I would.
In my old job I gave a girl in a different department a lift home a few times after an early shift. She then started waiting by my car for me when I finished and assumed I'd be taking her. It was only a mile or two out of my way but it adds up. And the offers of her bus fare stopped after the first few times. I've never actually taken the money from anyone but at least offer if you're going to be cheeky enough to expect a lift.

Chocolatestrawberries, my apologies. Clearly read your post wrong

YANBU, us non drivers are not all CFs though. I don't have any need to drive as the public transport where I live is excellent - at least 6 different bus services serve my town and they run 24 hours a day plus I'm 10 minutes walk from the train station for longer journeys. I pay £20pw for a weekly unlimited bus ticket which is probably still cheaper than running a car. Never ask for lifts as I have no need to.

The buses round here are not filthy they have free WiFi and phone charger sockets in the back of the seats.

I don't have an issue with people who don't drive, or any reasons why. Life is a funny bugger and some people just don't get round to it for numerous reasons. I'm also happy to offer lifts on my terms, so if I've plenty of time or the weathers dreadful etc or if I'm going that way. It seems really odd for people to ask. Especially if it's not even the way you go. It must be quite tricky to manage.

Do you expect someone to offer every single time they get a lift even when you say no? dilly how awkward! The offers stop because you decline the money! Usually if you keep offering something and it's refused it becomes harassment.....

I never ask. If people offer but it's out of there way I refuse. I also cover petrol

I've occasionally been asked for lifts but once had a friend's kid take the piss.
The Adult son worked back shifts (2-10). His mum - my friend, drove him to work and picked him up (though there are plenty of direct buses)
My friend went to care for her elderly mum for a couple of weeks and he asked if I could take him on the Monday. Fine. Once is okay. I drove him the 6 miles to work at 2pm.
The next day he asked again. And turned up with his workmate! I made noises about I'd probably be unavailable again "Busy/car having work done/waiting for a parcel etc" but took him that day.

So he messaged me later asking to pick him up.
At 10pm!

Unfortunately they lived directly opposite my house (he's got his own place now) so I couldn't even pretend to be out or busy.
Being the weakling I am I picked him up (with his workmate again unannounced!) and then he told me he just needed to stop at a couple of places. I ended up driving round the streets to various houses and a pub like some damn chauffeur.

He didn't ask again after he had asked for a pick up and I hauled my arse out in my PJs, went to get him, waited 20mins and found that he was staying at his girlfriends and had forgotten that he'd requested a lift home.

Now I have a list of pre-prepared excuses just in case.

All you have to say is
"Sorry, but it's not convenient".
No other explanation is necessary.

This sentence is UNIVERSALLY useful and yet I'm giving it to you free, gratis and for nothing.

Interesting that half of MN takes the view that everyone (physical infirmity excepting) should learn to drive and that it's lazy and selfish not to; and the other half takes the view that if you are in the least bit lacking in confidence, or find it difficult to manage a particular manoeuvre (eg parallel parking, reversing a long distance) you should never drive at all, ever.

Even when I was pregnant and it was snowy and icy I didn't ask for lifts. I took offered lifts if mutually convenient. I chose where to look for jobs based on bus routes.

YANBU! I used to work shifts and one lady in particular used to finish the shift and go out and wait by my car for her lift that she never even asked for, in the opposite direction!

I feel your pain, OP. My aunt and uncle have always scoffed at drivers, saying they don't see why driving is necessary because you can always get public transport, but it's amazing how often they need a lift somewhere, either because the public transport is inconvenient, too expensive etc. They never offer anyone any money for fuel or even tolls (sometimes 20€ per journey where we live), but moan about spending on public transport and tell car owners they should give a lift because 'it doesn't cost them anything because they have a car'!

However they also regularly and proudly boast that they don't need a car and they don't bother anyone for lifts because they're happy on public transport. The lack of self-awareness is amazing, and they're not the only non-drivers I've known to boast about their situation without actually realising how inconvenient they regularly make themselves.

The non-drivers who are rubbishing the OP's attitude, I hope you have a bit more self-awareness and are not actually taking more lifts from drivers than you realise.

"Seeing as a 5 minute car journey can easily take 45 mins on a bus and cost the best part of a fiver I find car drivers who are stingy with lifts quite unreasonable."

It's not free to drive a car...

If people can’t drive because of a genuine medical condition fair enough but if they were just too lazy/tight/thick to learn to drive then they should walk,get the bus or a cab.

Being too "thick" to drive is hardly their fault. I don't think that should be in the same category as tight/lazy which are things people can change.

it's not free to drive a car...

No but it costs so much more in time using public transport. I can't drive due to a disability but my OH has had a car for a year now and our lives our much more fulifing. We're generous with lifts because we know how soul destroying it is waiting for a grotty, smelly expensive bus where the potential of uncomfortable situations is high.
Having a car is a luxury and should be shared with others IMO.

Being too "thick" to drive is hardly their fault. I don't think that should be in the same category as tight/lazy which are things people can change.
Agreed. If someone struggles mentally with driving (because they can't process so many things at once, can't remember the rules or signs, or just because they panic far too easily) then it might be better for everyone if they didn't drive. I know that most people can given the right instruction and support, but it really isn't the case for everyone.

"Having a car is a luxury and should be shared with others IMO."

That's called a taxi...

If you didn't have washing machine, because you were too tight to buy one, would i be OK, for you to drop your washing round to your neighbours every week and use it and heir washing powder? After all, it's much more convenient, cheaper and saves more time than going to the launderette round the way.

Or well - you know you have the internet? Well, I'm too tight to pay for my own, so if I could just have your wifi code, that won't be a problem will it? I mean, you're using it anyway and it won't cost you anything extra.

And actually, whilst you're at it, if you can drop and pick my kids up from school, that would be marvellous. I mean you're going that way anyway, and it would take me 25 minutes each way to walk there.

a luxury that should be shared...

YANBU but you come across as a bit of a cock. Hope that helps!

OP, you don’t have a cheeky work colleagues problem, you have a lack of assertiveness problem.

"Having a car is a luxury and should be shared with others IMO."

Errrr no thanks. Of course I'd help anyone out in unfortunate circs, of course I'd give someone a life if they're desperate but no bloody way am I sharing my car with all and sundry until they pay for fuel, tax and insurance.

No but it costs so much more in time using public transport.
You're conveniently ignoring the time spent learning to drive, the time spent taking a car to be serviced & repaired, the time spent going to the petrol station to fill up, the time spent organising the tax and insurance....

I don't drive

I never ask anyone for lifts, even if one is offered I still say I'll just get the bus

I have only asked for a lift on one occasion, it was my uncle's funeral, the crematorium is a bit out of town, but luckily there's a shuttle bus that just goes round all day so DD and me just got that

The lift I asked for was from the crematorium to the hotel for the wake, and I asked my parents if DD and me could go in their car, otherwise it'd be two bus journeys and would have taken more than an hour, taxi which I couldn't afford, or a very long walk which would have taken a couple of hours (I have health issues and no way could I have managed it)

Luckily someone else offered a lift, but I didn't think I was being cheeky to ask my parents to run us down to a place they were going to anyway

Other than that, I've never asked or expected a lift from anyone

Well, I don't drive. I have asked for lifts but only from people who are going the same way as I am. Eg I often bump into neighbours in supermarket and ask if I can jump In their car with them on way home. I wouldn't ask anyone to go out of their way.

I am completely happy to use the bus but the bus service is incredibly infrequent (not even hourly) where I live. I wouldn't have chosen to live here but DP already owned house.

I would never expect anyone to give me a lift.