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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend keeps coming into my house without knocking

75 replies

iliketosmellcandles · 03/07/2018 17:30

My best friend recently moved back from another country and lives round the corner from me. It's great to have her back, she's like a sister to me, etc. etc.

I'm going through a hard time at the moment and she has been great, popping in and spending time with me, making me tea etc.

However. She has recently started walking into my house without knocking. This is completely unannounced, no prior warning and she often just appears in my hallway, scaring the absolute shit out of me and OH. The cherry on the cake was yesterday when she text asking if I was awake from my nap and can she pop in. I hadn't had a second to reply, when I heard a noise and she appeared at my bedroom door. She must have snuck up the stairs because I didn't hear a thing until I saw her face. Safe to say I jumped out of my skin. I think what I found hard was that she just found this funny, and it almost felt like she didn't really care what I wanted. I had actually wanted to be alone.

I like to think I've got an open door policy, I tell people to drop by whenever they like, but to at least bloody knock on the door or ring the bell!

AIBU to lock my door even when I'm in? I really don't want to, but I can't bare the thought of having to talk to her about it, it just makes me cringe so much. Or is this a nice thing? Am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:

HellenaHandbasket · 03/07/2018 18:57

I don't lock mine either OP. Back door always wide open, front door on the latch until bedtime. In fact I went out for the afternoon leaving my front door wide open by accident today.

GrainOfSalt · 03/07/2018 19:01

Most people I know don't lock their doors in the daytime if they are in (and some don't even if they are out ). My parents have only started locking the door at night in the last 5 years.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/07/2018 19:02

You do need to lock your door, that is pretty rude.

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/07/2018 19:02

AIBU to lock my door even when I'm in? I really don't want to, but I can't bare the thought of having to talk to her about it, it just makes me cringe so much.

YABU to lock your door instead of talking to her. YANBU to lock your door if you just generally prefer to. YANBU to not want her coming in without knocking. But if your secret motivation is to avoid saying to a good friend "Could you knock when you come round? DH and I really don't like being surprised by you just appearing in the house." that's a bit pathetic.

(Also, I live in a big city. I don't normally lock my doors during the day when I'm home during the day, no one did when I was growing up either and the crime rate is lower now. So you aren't the only one!)

Aeroflotgirl · 03/07/2018 19:04

She is supposed to be your best friend, so just talk to her. If after she still does it, than lock the door.

imnotreally · 03/07/2018 19:04

I never lock my door when I’m in. I don’t know anyone round here who does. I’m in north wales. This weather my back door is permanently open.

Tori34 · 03/07/2018 19:05

My husbands friend does this. He does a full lap around our house perimeter looking in for us and then just walks in the door and invites himself
To dinner if we are eating.

PrettyWisdomous · 03/07/2018 19:06

iliketosmellcandles Yes she was fine, although a bit shaken up as she was on her own with 2 very young girls.

Deandre · 03/07/2018 19:08

That’s really strange.... people can just open your door from the outside? We never lock out doors until night time, but our doors can’t be opened from the outside....I couldn’t think of anything worse than people just walking in!!

Nanny0gg · 03/07/2018 19:12

Don’t lock my door during the day either...

DayKay · 03/07/2018 19:13

I was thinking that too Deandre
I don’t know anyone who has front doors that just open from the outside.

Seasawride · 03/07/2018 19:25

zaphod

Where are you did you say?

Seasawride · 03/07/2018 19:30

Deandra

No you can our previous door was a slam
Lock one so once it’s slammed shut it locks! I was locked out once as a Cm due to the windy weather putting a nappy in the bin with 4 under 4 in the house.

Had to phone the police and smash my way in.

My door now can shut but can’t lock unless I turn the key from outside/inside

Seasawride · 03/07/2018 19:31

So hope that makes sense you have to lock it or it’s still unlocked even if shut

Original poster

iliketosmellcandles · 03/07/2018 19:32

@deandre yes my door opens from the outside unless it's locked, it's not the kind of door that you can just slam closed and you need a key to get back in iyfwim. Handy as you physically can't leave the house and forget your keys as you need to lock it, not handy if you have a few glasses of wine and forget to lock it before going to bed.

OP posts:

Original poster

iliketosmellcandles · 03/07/2018 19:36

@boomboomscousin - spot on really, I am acting in a pretty pathetic way, but at the moment I'm not really up for that kind of chat, and I'd hate her to feel unwelcome.

OP posts:

LexieLulu · 03/07/2018 19:53

We had police recently try people front doors and let themselves in to warn owners to lock their doors.

There was lots of fb posts on local pages "a police man walked into my living room".

I think it was a good tactic and it shocked people to changing their ways

crispysausagerolls · 03/07/2018 20:11

I had 0 idea that people didn’t lock their doors when home!

DH did this when we first lived together in a flat. And I had 0 idea that while we were sleeping at night the fucking door was unlocked - when I realised I nearly murdered him!

NotUmbongoUnchained · 03/07/2018 20:16

We don’t lock our doors. And we all walk into each other’s houses!

But if you’re not comfortable with that then you should say.

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 03/07/2018 20:21

If the children arnt in nursery/school I don't lock the doors however I have 2dogs with massive barks. How about a chain on the door?

Original poster

iliketosmellcandles · 03/07/2018 20:34

@grow Do you know what I never even realised but we do have a chain, could be a good idea. I do have a dickhead of a cat but don't think she'd do much to intruders.

OP posts:

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/07/2018 21:02

I'd hate her to feel unwelcome.

I would think she’s more likely to feel unwelcome if you suddenly start locking your doors than if you just mentioned it politely. But if she’s the sort of person who would want a huge discussion about why you don’t like being shocked by her suddenly appearing in front of you I can understand the reluctance, even if I think it’s the less good choice.

TotHappy · 03/07/2018 21:04

Aah, it's not just you. I don't know many people who lock their doors if they're n and we don't ever lock ours unless we go on holiday. Our old place didn't have a key either .

Aragog · 04/07/2018 21:23

we don't ever lock ours

Surely your insurance would be invalid if you were ever broken into and the door was unsecured, especially if at night time or when out.

Ypu'd definitely start locking your doors if you've ever had a break in, especially if it occurred when you are all in the house. We have two - different houses, different locations. One went out briefly in the day time, the other in the early hours when we were all in bed. Horrible experience. Hence locked doors with the best locks we could buy, and also a fully alarmed house.

I don’t know anyone who has front doors that just open from the outside.

In terms of breaking in through a locked door, a key with a solid turn key - so one where the door can be opened from either wide if the key isn't turned or double locked - is much more secure and harder to break. It look the locksmith almost an hour to 'break in' to my house when we needed him to do so. You want a good quality double lock anti snap cylinder lock really - though the keys are expensive to get spares or replacements.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/07/2018 23:20

Ypu'd definitely start locking your doors if you've ever had a break in, especially if it occurred when you are all in the house.

I was burgled. I was at home alone and asleep (it was daytime, I was working nights). He broke in through the window, didn't even try the door. I still leave my door unlocked most of the time. It is a risk, but a small one and a locked door isn't necessarily a deterrent. I totally understand that for a lot of people it would be very traumatizing, and many people find burglary a very violating experience but I was mainly annoyed at having my sleep interrupted (not that it wasn't quite shocking in the moment). People react differently to things and it isn't wrong to not live your life as though crime is just nipping at your heels even when you've experienced it once.

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