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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this missent email was bloody rude?!

40 replies

Nerecka · 02/07/2018 16:23

My ds took an exam for a sporting organisation, he failed it and the assessor was really rude and basically said he was terrible!

Because he was so taken aback we asked the organiser for some written feedback so he could improve for next time as he still wants to continue with the exam side of the sport.

The organiser said if I wanted any more information I would have to make a formal complaint to the sports HQ. I then received another email from the Head of training of the particular sport saying "good reply, hopefully she'll cool down be quiet and go away now!" Clearly this wasn't meant for me!!

AIBU to think this is bloody rude and actually asking for feedback is completely acceptable? Its not as though I was asking them to pass him!!

OP posts:
Ooopsijustsnarted · 02/07/2018 16:26

It was really rude.

I would email back 'thanks for the email, that will help with the complaint' 😂😂

Bet he's shitting himself about now.

Pippylou · 02/07/2018 16:27

It could be worse, me and my friend went on a coaching course and the guy taking it put it on Twitter to our coach we weren't very good...I should have said something at the time, still pissed off about it.

Say something to the head of whatever organisation it is.

gamesconsoler · 02/07/2018 16:27

YANBU. You've got to make a complaint now even if you weren't going to bother!

Original poster
Nerecka · 02/07/2018 16:28

I know!! Trouble is, I think this guy who sent the email is the head of training of the whole organisation! I knew theyd close ranks but not to this extent!

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 02/07/2018 16:28

Not very professional at all.
However the organisation may not give feedback - they are under no obligation to do so, and even if they do there will possibly be a proper way to do that- e.g. through your son's instructor.

But if you do get feedback you will have possibly have to accept that on the day your ds didn't meet the required standard.

LanguidLobster · 02/07/2018 16:29

It was rude although obviously not meant for you.

They should give constructive feedback so he can work on improving anything. It's not very helpful saying 'you're shit'.

WigglyBlossom · 02/07/2018 16:30

Complain formally to whoever is over the head of training. An official organisation should not be behaving in this unprofessional manner.

Original poster
Nerecka · 02/07/2018 16:36

I originally asked the assessor but she just forwarded my email to the regional rep.

I know he failed and I'm not expecting him to be granted a pass. He just came away not really understanding what the assessor meant, ie he answered all the questions correctly but in too textbook a fashion - how do you improve on that??!

OP posts:
EarlyBird39 · 02/07/2018 16:41

If that was the head of the organisation and you have no one else to escalate to, send the story plus email to a local newspaper/magazine/facebook/Twitter, put in all social medias. Name and shame them and show their true colours to everyone. They'll regret being so rude to you and your son!

crunchymint · 02/07/2018 16:41

Too textbook a fashion often means reciting the answer but not showing that you really understand it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/07/2018 16:42

Ohhhh I'd be tempted to go public on Twitter with that.
But only after trying to go above the Head of Training in the organisation - see if you get anywhere or further brushed off.
THEN go wild on Twitter.

How very fucking rude and unprofessional - clearly they think they've done nothing wrong and have no need to be polite or helpful to anyone!

HollowTalk · 02/07/2018 16:42

I cannot imagine him sending that email but talking about a man. It just wouldn't happen. "Shut up and go away" is a really awful thing to say about a concerned mother.

crunchymint · 02/07/2018 16:43

And it sounds as if they have given feedback, but not written feedback.

Original poster
Nerecka · 02/07/2018 16:44

Too textbook a fashion often means reciting the answer but not showing that you really understand it

So how does he improve on that? He did understand it, I think he was trying hard to get the answers right. Surely they could have asked a question to "test" him if they suspected he didn't understand it?

OP posts:
Godowneasy · 02/07/2018 16:46

He just came away not really understanding what the assessor meant, ie he answered all the questions correctly but in too textbook a fashion - how do you improve on that??!

I don't understand how he could have failed either, if he did indeed answer all the questions correctly!

Was it a written exam, and who marked it? As in, was it marked internally or externally?

Original poster
Nerecka · 02/07/2018 16:46

And it sounds as if they have given feedback, but not written feedback

Yes they did give him feedback but he came away so downhearted he can't work out what he needs to do to improve! I don't think he really took it in.

To be honest I was just going to chalk it up to experience until I got this email and now I'm livid!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nerecka · 02/07/2018 16:47

It was a practical exam ie you demonstrate your skills and answer questions as you go along.

OP posts:
crunchymint · 02/07/2018 16:47

How you improve on it will depend on the questions. In interviews I have seen this though. You ask someone about project management and they recite the theory of project management as though out of a book.
You need to put in your own thoughts and examples that show that you understand it.
And honestly IME people who do this throughout rarely do actually understand the questions.
Also how old is your DS?

Original poster
Nerecka · 02/07/2018 16:48

He's 15.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nerecka · 02/07/2018 16:50

It seems harsh to fail someone on it though as its quite subjective surely? I can't believe he quoted the book verbatim as that would assume he was brilliant at learning textbook answers Grin

OP posts:
crunchymint · 02/07/2018 16:51

If your DS cares about this qualification, I personally would be wary of making this a big fight. Difficult to know without knowing details, but chairs of sporting qualification organisations often have wider influence in the sport.
He should approach them and ask if they can explain again how he can improve.
Your DS also says he can't remember what was said. So it makes sense that he did not tell you everything. It might have been explained to him in some detail.

slashlover · 02/07/2018 16:53

he answered all the questions correctly but in too textbook a fashion - how do you improve on that??!

I would take that to mean he essentially just parroted what the books said instead of putting it into his own words which would show understanding of the subject.

Snowysky20009 · 02/07/2018 16:54

I'm interested to know the sport.....

Inmyvestandpants · 02/07/2018 16:58

Do a lot of people take this test? Are there a lot of pushy parents involved (not saying you are one of those OP). Whilst the email was candid, it wasn't intended for you, so I don't think you can construe it as "rude" as such.

If they get a lot of parents emailing them asking for them to justify why their child did not get through the exam, they might be rather jaded about being asked to give feedback. That's how it comes over to me, anyway. They have probably interpreted your request for feedback as a challenge to their decision, and they won't want to enter into a dialogue about that: the judge's decision is final.

Bramble71 · 02/07/2018 16:59

Does this sporting organisation have some sort of a board or other management structure, or some sort of umbrella organisation? If there is no-one at all above this guy, I'd be getting in touch with them now. If not, then maybe the promise of going to the media might make them feel a bit more forthcoming.

YANBU. What an appalling way to think of and treat a parent who is only trying to help their son!

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