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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why morons try to force alcohol on you..?

54 replies

Limpopobongo · 01/07/2018 20:47

I am a very occasional drinker.
If i averaged it out over a year id say i have two glasses of wine a week with meals. I dont really engage in pub culture,i.e going in pubs regularly to drink.
Anyway the other night I was out with some friends and just had a couple of pints over the evening.

One of the party just happened to be buying drinks and asked if id like one. I already had a glass of beer so indicated i was ok.

Anyway the reaction was as if i had made a derogatory comment about his wife ! Giving me strange looks ,asking what was wrong with me , querying whether i wasnt "enjoying myself" ,etc etc..

How incredibly boring..anyway i just reaffirmed my choice but it still continued until i simply told him to feck off..

Has anyone else encountered this boring pub culture behaviour?

OP posts:
wizzywig · 01/07/2018 21:21

Is it time for a 'I don't drink, ask me anything' thread?

Original poster
Limpopobongo · 01/07/2018 21:22

interesting,,, i may not have explained myself very well but i didnt mean that i had two glasses of wine as a minimum every week. I could easily go weeks without any alcoholic drink and it would be no issue to me. In fact i could dispense with it altogether and i wouldnt miss it. No, my odd glass of wine probably links with my cooking and what i have prepared.

Now onto the main point, yes it is bizarre. Maybe this individual had a strange,childish bullying attitude. Almost as if i was making an indirect judgment by not drinking more and therefore being perceived as not fitting in?

I mean, if someone was spooning out some Cocaine and they said to me, here you are, have a sniff and i said no thanks, would they try and force that on me as well?

OP posts:
ISnappedAndFarted · 01/07/2018 21:23

YANBU people get really weird and defensive when someone declines alcohol. I'm sure some people are really sanctimonious about it, but I never have been. It's how I imagine a lot of vegans get treated if anyone finds out they're vegan. (presuming they've not preached about it).

Though another voice saying 2 glasses on average a week isn't occasional, but that's not really the point.

CalliopeSparkles · 01/07/2018 21:24

I hate this! When I say 'no I'm ok thanks' and am met with a dozen 'oh go on just have one!'s - drives me up the wall. Fullest sympathies!

Aridane · 01/07/2018 21:28

I read it as Mormons too!

LilQueenie · 01/07/2018 21:28

Its because those who drink often feel threatened by those who don't need alcohol to enjoy themselves. I never drink at all and get it a lot but then I'm never the one who asks what happened the night before/has no idea why so and so are not speaking or sitting with a hangover.

ShotsFired · 01/07/2018 21:29

Sounds like (a) you are a fairly average drinker based on that consumption; but more importantly, (b) need new friends.

I drink similarly to Hellena, but on the occasions I do, or even when I don't, I don't recall anyone accusing me in the way your friends did. I ask for whatever I fancy whether it's vodka, beer or lime and soda, and that's that. Nobody minds.

nannybeach · 01/07/2018 21:35

I also agree 2 glasses of wine a week is not an occasional drinker, my DH someones has a glasses of sheery at Christma, THAT is an occasional drinker. If I go out to a pub(rare) I have 1 drink, my ex H boss once lined up drinks I said I only wanted one, and he was furious I wouldnt drink them. I have a DC with a drink problem, she is unable to just have one, and really should not go out with any drinking culture.

Original poster
Limpopobongo · 01/07/2018 21:48

I dont drink 2 glasses of wine a week /week in week out, or indeed more than that !

But the point is the need in others to force you to accept what they want . That is the point of my original posting. Maybe they think im feeble minded ,could not possibly make up my own mind and that they will therefore decide what is good for me. I do agree though, i need to dissociate myself from this person.

OP posts:
FermatsTheorem · 01/07/2018 21:56

I've had this too, OP (probably similar alcohol consumption to you).

The most annoying ones are the conversations that go like the one I had at a friend's party in the country (no bus service, so I'd driven).

Random other guest: Have a glass of wine.

Me: No thanks, I'm driving.

RG: Oh go on, just the one won't hurt.

Me: No, thanks, I'm only little and I have a really low alcohol tolerance - just one would noticeably affect me.

Chorus: Oh, go on, surely you can drive after just the one, everyone can drive after just the one...

Argh!!!!

TarragonChicken · 01/07/2018 22:07

Because a sizeable proportion of people can't relax or have fun without alcohol and feel threatened and uncomfortable around people who can.

^This. I think it comes from a deep sense of insecurity.

CadyHeron · 01/07/2018 22:25

Two glasses of wine a week is a regular drinker according to this thread?!!
Blimey. That's me fucked then.

Canshopwillshop · 01/07/2018 22:42

oh FFS 2 glasses of wine a week is bugger all. But if you are not doing that you are probably addicted to something else ...

JaneJeffer · 01/07/2018 22:55

"occasional drinkers (3-5 days/6 glasses) seemed to have better health outcomes compared to their counterparts"
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10946436

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 01/07/2018 22:59

I drink maybe 4 times a year. Anyone who tried forcing booze on me would likely end up wearing it.

I drink when I want and dont when I dont want to.

GreatWesternValkyrie · 01/07/2018 23:04

I’ve only drink alcohol very rarely.since my early twenties but I used to get multiple “go on, have a proper drink” comments if I asked for coke or orange juice in a bar or at an event - it was definitely irritating to constantly have my choice of drinks challenged. I used to wonder if they had the same approach to people asking for vegetarian food Shock

However, in recent years I can’t recall encountering this attitude, I don’t know if it’s now more common that people don’t drink or I’m more intimidating than I was in my 20s! I happily order coffee in bars these days, god knows what those “proper drink” types would have made of that Grin

esk1mo · 01/07/2018 23:06

yeah i agree, i’d class you as someone who drinks regularly.

i tell people “i dont really drink” which translates to - i have one drink every 6 months or so.

Original poster
Limpopobongo · 01/07/2018 23:09

Yes i think there is much in what you say GWV..

It could well be a generational thing. Vegies, well im not sure they suffer the same shite as people being challenged re their lack of desire for further alcoholic beverages.

I actually admire veggies because i support the cause and am a bit of a closet veggie myself.

OP posts:
Candyflip · 02/07/2018 01:18

Of course 2 drinks a week is an occasional drinker. Many people drink every single day.

esk1mo · 02/07/2018 01:33

it isn’t really occasional though..

if i said i go to the gym occasionally, would you think i meant twice a week? you wouldnt, you’d think i go every month or two. some people go every day.

if i said i shopped at Asda occasionally you would think i meant once a month or so,
not twice a week. twice a week would be “often” or “regularly”.

i know its off topic, but for people who drink once or twice a year, having some describe drinking twice a week as occasional is wrong. its drinking regularly, or often.

MouseholeCat · 02/07/2018 02:03

YANBU- I hate this, it's really quite damaging.

I am teetotal now but was raised in a family where the subtext is if you don't drink you "make it awkward" for the others, or you're being impolite. Never really picked up on it until I stopped drinking, but it contributed to me drinking at an early age in a fairly habitual pattern that I'm sure would have lead to alcohol dependency.

Each to their own, and I socialise with plenty of drinkers, but the normalisation of dysfunctional drinking patterns is so ingrained in our culture.

Candyflip · 02/07/2018 02:33

Esk1mo, occasional drinking is defined by the NHS though, shopping at ASDA is yet to be classified as a risk to one’s health. I am not sure though...

beardedlobster · 02/07/2018 03:11

I don’t drink as I have an anxiety disorder which I know alcohol may exacerbate. I get exactly the same comments it is so frustrating. Basically the consesus is if you aren’t drinking you can’t have a good time or are no fun!. Absolute rubbish. I pity people who feel like that.
Sometimes though people have gone to far. On a recent night out with work someone actually gave me a vodka and coke when I had just asked for a coke. Unbelievable I went ballistic then got told maybe if I drank I would chill out. Good god.
I usually just ignore it and say don’t worry I’ll get my own drink there.
The best one ever was at my own wedding when a family member said to me, but you’re not drinking how will you dance! Erm with my legs!!!!

moira123io · 02/07/2018 03:30

As a 'foreigner' I have noticed this happens quite a lot here in the UK, seems drinking is so ingrained in the culture it becomes almost treasonous to refuse it. I don't drink either, I never give any excuses or explanation as to why. It's no ones business.

FatSally · 02/07/2018 03:44

i know its off topic, but for people who drink once or twice a year, having some describe drinking twice a week as occasional is wrong. its drinking regularly, or often

This. I was lol ing at an average of twice a week being 'occasional' drinking!

I would class myself as an occasional drinker. I know I had two pints of larger shandy on 10th May (event). Before that was three glasses of wine on 3rd March (party). Before that was probably a glass of fizz on NYE.

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