AIBU to be a bit miffed by this mum?

[Thisismyhappyface101]

DD2 (11yo) went for a sleepover over her friend's house last night. I put some sunscreen in her bag for her to put on today and reminded her to keep applying it.

Well it seems as though DD2 put some on this morning and then promptly forgot about reapplying it then spent the whole day in their garden in & out of the paddling pool and squirting each other with hoses. As a result she's come home tonight with really bad sunburn on her shoulders .

Now I know DD2's old enough to take responsibility for putting her own sunscreen on and I've spoken to her about how silly she's been but I do think the friend's mum could have reminded her to keep reapplying given what they were doing all day.

For the record, the mum doesn't apply sunscreen to her DD as she thinks kid's should be exposed to the sun to get their vitamin D fix and that too much sunscreen gives kid's rickets . However her DD is more olive skinned than mine so is less prone to burning.

At 11 I would say she's old enough to remember. I use Soltan Once so wouldn't even think about reapplying frequently. Maybe a rash vest would be a better idea?

The other mum doesn't believe in sunscreen and doesn't use it on her own child...

I don't use suncream regularly on my dd because she has olive skin. She's never burnt. I would remind a friend's child because I do believe in suncream when required, plus I'm more careful with other people's children.

You knew that she doesn't believe in it though - so why would she remind your dd?

I think i'd be a bit miffed too.

I appreciate at 11 they should know to reapply their sunscreen, but i've reminded adults to put screen on if they are going a bit pink and have just go carried away with stuff like gardening or reading a book.

Obviously I don't make them do it, they are adults. But I dont' just sit and watch them burn. I say something like ' ooh your shoulders are going a bit red, do you want to borrow suncream' if they say no I leave it but with a child I would be a bit pushier if their parent had supplied it.

Accidents happen. Move on

While it’s unfortunate that your daughter has sunburn I wouldn’t be annoyed at the other mum. At 11 I would expect them to take care of things like that themselves. If she fed them, looked after them and they felt safe I’d be happy. It’s annoying but it’s not the mums fault. Your 11 year old has just learnt about taking responsibility for herself when you aren’t there.
Btw, my kids have olive skin and are Vitamin D deprived too and I’m not big on sunscreen for them either. They’ve never burnt and I genuinely feel the sun exposure is doing them good.

Sorry, I think it's absolutely the responsibility of the 11 yr old. I have one who burns very easily and I would be cross with her if she hadn't bothered to reapply sunscreen. Her skin, her responsibility.

I would be annoyed although I would also be annoyed with DD. At 11 she should know the risks and remember.

For the record, the mum doesn't apply sunscreen to her DD as she thinks kid's should be exposed to the sun to get their vitamin D fix and that too much sunscreen gives kid's rickets

If you knew this though you should have taken steps to avoid relying on her for your own child's safety. Best way is to get the all day sun cream.

Sorry your child was burnt. Use it as an opportunity to teach her about sun safety and talk to her about the risks as it will most certainly be her responsibility to remember at secondary school.

I think Yabu. My kids are really fair and I think you should have called to remind her tbh or at least asked the mum to. If parents don’t have kids who burn they sometimes aren’t as hot on reapplying etc.

If she doesn't use sunscreen herself they YABU to expect her to remind your DD. Still, if she got sunburnt, she won't need reminding again to do it.

I'm going against the grain here and think 11 is still in the forget when busy and having fun age bracket so you are NBU , she was in loco parentis and it goes with the territory on a hot day

She’s old enough to remember to do it herself. If I have a number of children over I wouldn’t want to be responsible for reminding them to apply sun cream.

My dd’s rarely use sun cream, they are sensible enough to stay in the shade. I don’t wear any myself apart from on my face.

At eleven she should be capable of remembering to do it herself.

Be a bit miffed for about 7 minutes, then move on.

I mean you’re in the right and everything, but don’t let it spoil you’re weekend.

YABU 11 is definately old enough to take that responsability. You know the mum doesnt use suncream, it wouldnt occur to her that she would have to remind a secondary school aged child to put some on.

Who are all these responsible 11 year old kids who remember to reapply sun lotion, keep their rooms tidy and can cook a family meal?! YANBU I would expect another parent to look after the health and welfare of my child whilst in their care.

Who are all these responsible 11 year old kids who remember to reapply sun lotion, keep their rooms tidy and can cook a family meal?!

My 11 year old has never cooked a family meal, she also struggles to clean her room not sure where that came from though?
But putting suncream on is a very basic skill, simpler than cleaning your teeth, please dont tell me I supposed to be reminding 11 year old sleepover guests to clean their teeth too!? A child about to start or already in secondary school should be able to do it without adult help.

I am against the grain too as I think 11 is still at the age where yes they should remember, but they are likely to forget. Also it’s hard to apply sun cream yourself to back and shoulders so she’d likely have needed help from her friend. I’d have asked the mum to remind her.

I burn easily but my DD doesn’t! So I know how the sun affects people differently. If I was burning I would want someone to tell me - and my friends have in the past told me if I look a bit pink.
If I had kids of that age around all day I would probably have said after lunch ok before you go and play in the pool again, who needs to put more suncream on?

Don't get me wrong, I know she should have reapplied it herself and to be fair she usually does. She's been on school residentials and guide camps and has always reapplied before. It's just this time, she got carried away with what they were doing and forgot.

I'm also not angry with the other mum and I'm not about to make a big deal about it (or even mention it to her) but if I was in charge of someone else's DC in this weather and they were in & out of water all day and could see that their shoulders were getting red I'd remind them to put some sunscreen on (especially as we've been on plenty of day trips together where she's seen me reapplying sunscreen to the DC every couple of hours).

My 11 year old didn’t have a tidy room or cook family meals but she always carried pads because she had heavy, irregular periods, it was something she had to take responsibility for. At 11, some children have to remember a bus pass every day and get on the bus to school. They start learning some responsibility.
I would think the lesson has been learnt.

At 11, I would definitely have reminded any child in my house/care to apply sunscreen - including the olive skinned ones. I would say it to teenagers too if they were swimming or kayaking with us. Any mother I know would have been mortified at sending a child back home with a bad sunburn.

please dont tell me I supposed to be reminding 11 year old sleepover guests to clean their teeth too!?
I think the difference is that forgetting to clean teeth once on a sleepover won’t result in tooth decay, whereas forgetting to apply suncream once can cause painful sunburn.

I guess if DDs friend wasn’t applying it she might not have wanted to stop playing to do it, and if you’ve never had sunburn you don’t realise how painful it is. On the plus side, now she’s had sunburn she definitely won’t forget again!
Although I still don’t know how people expect DCs to suncream their own backs

I sometimes don’t go red until much later that evening, rather than at the time, maybe that’s why the mum didn’t see her burning?

but soaking through your pad or missing a bus doesn't have long-term health consequences. Getting sunburned may so I wouldn't use it as a teaching moment about responsibility. Dh and I were of the "go out and get a bit of colour on your face" generation and fairskinned. We now have 6 monthly checks at the dermatologist and have both had things removed/biopsed. Ditto dh's siblings.

I don't think the suncream is the issue here so much. I'd be annoyed at a parent allowing kids of any age to be out in the very hot sun at midday (assuming she was out in it all day) that is just irresponsible no matter what age the kids in your care are. Assuming you daughter applied it in the morning that should have been enough up to late morning when she should have gone into the shade. People think plastering on the suncream is the trick but it is always in the midday sun when people burn. It is irresponsible to let kids play out in direct sun all day no matter their age or whether they have cream on.