AIBU to rant - frustrated Beaver Scout Leader!!!!!!

[TankingTan]

Just that really - I run a successful and popular Beaver Scout group (24 children and massive waiting list) - when parents sign up I am clear that they are asked to volunteer one evening each term (obviously allowing for when this isn't possible - i.e. younger children etc). They expect a lot from me, and really enjoy the full schedule and trips I organise etc. But getting them to lift a finger beyond dropping their child off and picking them (more often than not late) is basically impossible. Over the past few weeks we've had a few trips etc organised - all pre-arranged months ago and parents signed up for their night to volunteer months ago. For the past three activities, and now for next weeks as well, each parent(s) have pulled out/ let me down at the last minute. This means I am below ratio on adult to children, and normally have to pull in DH (arranging childcare for my youngest in the same breath) and a friend. Another parent is letting me down for this week and I've contacted all parents to ask if anyone to step in - not a single response! I am so tempted this time to cancel the activity and in truth throw the towel in. I know people have busy lives, but we sort this months and months in advance and post the list on FB website and in the hut - parents know what they committed too. Last time the parent cancelled my assistant leader saw her in the pub directly after Beavers.... it is SO disheartening. I love volunteering but feel they utterly take the mick now and advantage of the fact I will go above and beyond to make sure the kids aren't let down!

I think you mention that you will cancel the activity and possibly close the group. We do this and people usually step up!

Definitely cancel and tell them why! They should not be signing up if they are going to pull out. Do they not realise activities are planned based on adult:child ratios? Cancel. And keep doing it every time someone pulls out. Stop pulling your DH and friends in.

YADNBU - so many people completely take the piss with such groups plus rainbows, brownies etc. A friend of mine is a brown owl and has had to offer children prizes to attend church parade!!!
Don't quit yet, you are a bloody marvel for doing it. But may be send an email to parents explaining that there will not be any more trips as parents are 'unable ' to volunteer. You are already putting yourself out, don't bend over backwards for the parents too. Lazy gits.

If they can't do their week they have to arrange cover or their child loses their place.

If you get let down at the last minute cancel the night. It's the only way to save your sanity.

I agree. It is like PTA stuff. As long as you keep working around it, nothing will change. You need to cancel a few times for people to get the message.

I feel your pain. I’ve recently stopped helping with my group because I was fed up with juggling my own childcare and days off work for other people’s children when the parents can’t be bothered to help out even once. And the attitude I received from several parents when help was requested was absolutely disgusting. I feel bad for the children who’ve been let down but I’d just had enough.

Ynbu. If they have to leave their child off and pick them up they must be free so they should be able to stay. Apart from having to look after siblings which would make this committment impossible.

For what it is worth I think scout leaders do a great thing for children whether their parents realise it or not.

I think I'd send an email saying the current model is not sustainable as people are not living up to there volunteering commitment. Explain that if someone cancels on volunteering the event will be cancelled and you may close the troop.

You’ve got to get harsh and actually cancel an activity- as long as you’re able to rope in last minute replacements then there’s no incentive for the parents to set up.

When DS was in cubs I was the parent who volunteered for every activity or roped DH in for the stuff like country cycling that I’m not so good at. DS is an only so I figured it was easier for us than for others. One week we decided we wanted a meal together so did volunteer and lo and behold the event was cancelled due to lack of parent helpers.

Now I’m on the group scout executive as secretary so feel i’m doing my bit that way.

Ideally it should be made clear to parents that the leaders are not paid, and parents should expect to support an evening at least once per term.

Cancel each and every eery time it happens. If it keeps happening then shut the group. Bloody awful behaviour.

At our Beavers/cubs you have to help twice a term. If you can't, your child can't attend. If you find you can't make the session you've agreed to, then its your responsibility to arrange a swap with another parent. Since imementing these fules the groups thrived and leaders have stopped resigning.

I feel so guilty as I don’t help at beavers (I’ve got two younger children with autism) and I feel awful as I’d love to help but my husband works long hours.

KateGrey - please don't feel guilty I have a few parents in the same position and genuinely understand that they cannot help. though have to say they are always the first to offer on other activities like baking for camp etc! I absolutely understand and I'm sure most leaders do that it is not a possibility for everyone - but I do think those who can should help. this post really isn't aimed at parents like I promise!

@KateGray. But that is understandable in that you physically can't volunteer or help out.
Others can and say they will and cancel and that's what annoys group leaders.

*like you (sorry for missing word)

Yanbu op. Definitely cancel it.

YANBU to want to let off steam, but, I've found over the decades I've been volunteering, it is generally better for your blood pressure once you come to accept that there are ALWAYS people who help, and ALWAYS people who don't, whatever the activity it. Once you sort of except that, it makes it a bit less stressful.
Thigs I'd do are

1. Plan more than you need for each activity, so if one lets you down, you are then down to the minimum, and not 'under ratio'
2. Contact the DESC and ask if they can point any YLs in your direction.
3. Contact the District (Exec., DC., DDC., ADCB) and say you are really short and is there any way you can get any support for a Leader recruitment drive, as it is getting to the stage where you will have to close the colony if you can't get more support.
4. If you are let down again and no-one else is able to step up, then actually cancel. Let everyone know why, and stick to it. I know you feel you are letting the Beavers down, but, long term, it is going to be better for them to have an increased Leader Team.
5. Think about getting help in other ways. A lot of people struggle with the idea of 'helping at a meeting for a night' but might do something to help in another way....... maybe stay for 10mins at the end of each meeting to clear up.... maybe take the subs at the beginning of the meeting for you, or get tables out or prep a drink.... maybe do all the phoning round and prep for a trip or activity...... maybe be the 'adult in charge' just for 2 meetings before the District football comp and come along to try to organise them into a team for those 2 nights...... maybe offer a skill for a particular badge, and then arrange the prog on a night they are able to take a lead, and they will be more confident with their 'skill' than helping at another meeting.

You have no choice but to start cancelling and state why, or they’ll never learn.

I sympathise with you totally. And in your position I would cancel the trip. Remember, it's not you letting the children down, it's their own parents letting them down. And what exactly are these parents teaching their children about commitment? I can see you care deeply about these children and you enrich their lives with what you do for them. But you can't keep filling the gaps the parents leave yourself. While you do this, they will let you. If you feel you want to carry on with the group, then you probably need to tell the parents that anyone who doesn't fulfill their obligation for helping the one night a term their childs place will be forfeited to someone on the waiting list. I think you need to get tougher or they will just keep on taking the piss.

If you have a long waiting list can you suggest that if someone cancels more than once their child will be asked to leave?

Or change the system so they have to volunteer twice per term so you have more than enough help and if one person drops out you would still have enough adults.

I volunteer at a Brownie group and we have quite a few adult helpers so we don't ask parents to help. However we get parents complaining all the time but not offering help or suggestions

We arranged an afternoon tea party for mothers day. One of the mums sent a letter of complaint because she informed one of our "members of staff" that she had a bad back and couldn't come, but we still went ahead with the tea party and so her daughter felt left out because her mum wasn't there. How that's our fault, I don't know. We also pointed out that we are all volunteers, not members of staff. A lot of people think we are paid, you probably find the same.

Start cancelling.

I ran a volunteer group and it's thankless. I worked full time, spent my own money on supplies and still had people complain that the activities were not what "they would have done".

I quit

Request a stand in volunteer for the activity. . stating that it cannot go ahead without the required adult to child ratio.

If you don't get a replacement. . cancel the activity.

Invite all parents to an end of year activity and then raise the issue... state that in future, if parents cannot attend an activity they have signed up for, it will be their responsibility to find a replacement.

Suggest that you will be unable to host children whose parents are unable to support the group and that they will be asked to leave and their place given to others on the waiting list. Exceptions will be made for ... disabled parents, looked after children or xxxx

Last time the parent cancelled my assistant leader saw her in the pub directly after Beavers.... it is SO disheartening.

I'd have contacted the parent and told them there child was out.

And you need to start cancelling sessions: no volunteers? No beavers that night.

We have to move all out stuff out of our Scout Hut to a new venue- we’ve asked for helpers - over 100 young people use the hut every week- but we got 5 parent volunteers in today, and 4 have signed up for tomorrow. Obviously there are plenty that can’t help. But only 5 from 100 families?

YADNBU

you’re going to need to cancel an activity for them to get the message. Which I know you’ll feel awful about because it’s the kids who will lose out. But while you manage to get replacements so their shitty behaviour has no consequences for them, the shitty parents will keep on doing it.

I’m a Brownie and Guide leader so totally understand where you’re coming from. We’re fortunate to have enough leaders except when one of us is ill or on holiday, so although we have a parent rota in place, we very often tell them they’re welcome to stay (the girls love it when their mum helps) but we don’t actually need them, if we know we’re going to be short another week coming up we’ll say we don’t need you tonight but could really use your help on x date.

Definitely remind the parents you’re all volunteers! Reassure them that when they volunteer they won’t be thrown in at the deep end, the leaders will organise and run the activity and parent volunteers just need to encourage small groups of children to do the activity you’ve set them. I think some people half expect to have to run a meeting which is overwhelming! Obviously if parents WANT to run a meeting on a particular thing then encourage that! We've had one Mum run several sessions to do with her job which the girls have all enjoyed.

Let them know that you will no longer be able to find last minute replacements as you have small children yourself, so if parents don’t volunteer then activities will have to be cancelled. It might be worth not allowing them to drop and run so you don’t spend what would’ve been the activity time trying to get them to pick up their child. Just say that you can’t run it without volunteers, so please can all parents stay with their child until you know you have enough adults for it to run. Then if you have last minute drop outs, you have parents physically there and can say if none of them can volunteer to stay then they’ll have to take their child away again.