AIBU to rant - frustrated Beaver Scout Leader!!!!!!

[TankingTan]

Just that really - I run a successful and popular Beaver Scout group (24 children and massive waiting list) - when parents sign up I am clear that they are asked to volunteer one evening each term (obviously allowing for when this isn't possible - i.e. younger children etc). They expect a lot from me, and really enjoy the full schedule and trips I organise etc. But getting them to lift a finger beyond dropping their child off and picking them (more often than not late) is basically impossible. Over the past few weeks we've had a few trips etc organised - all pre-arranged months ago and parents signed up for their night to volunteer months ago. For the past three activities, and now for next weeks as well, each parent(s) have pulled out/ let me down at the last minute. This means I am below ratio on adult to children, and normally have to pull in DH (arranging childcare for my youngest in the same breath) and a friend. Another parent is letting me down for this week and I've contacted all parents to ask if anyone to step in - not a single response! I am so tempted this time to cancel the activity and in truth throw the towel in. I know people have busy lives, but we sort this months and months in advance and post the list on FB website and in the hut - parents know what they committed too. Last time the parent cancelled my assistant leader saw her in the pub directly after Beavers.... it is SO disheartening. I love volunteering but feel they utterly take the mick now and advantage of the fact I will go above and beyond to make sure the kids aren't let down!

They are taking the Mickey. Cancel event unless someone volunteers. One night a term is hardly an unreasonable request! I’m disabled and struggle with physical activity but even I could manage one night a term with enough notice!!

I’ve got no experience (except from the other side) but could you cultivate a friendship with one of the helpful parents and ask them to organise the termly rota via a whatsapp group chat or whatever and get everyone signed up for 1 evening and one trip/baking or extra duty. As pp said, if they can’t do it they need to organise a swap (so, if they are ill and someone steps in last minute, they have to cover that person's duty), and if no one steps in, cancel last minute.

Although you will want to say all sorts of other things, grit your teeth and say we are so grateful for the support of parents in ensuring the smooth running of the troop, we have a fantastic group of children and a fantastic group of parents so x is going to organise the helping so please back him/her up - then I can get on with organising a fabulous programme.

And only do it for as long as it works for you, too. Its a great thing you are doing.

I am not surprised you get frustrated but Backforgood has some great points

How much information do you give about what will be expected of people on that night. I work with volunteers and many people do not help out because they are unsure of what is expected of them or lack confidence. We find we get more help if you are very specific about what help you need on specific activities. Making drinks, being a referee, helping with craft.

I would use any excuse to get of volunteering to help out at my grandsons cub meetings once a term if all i knew was i had to be there and nothing more
However he is SEN so I have to accompany him on all overnight trips and so I am very familiar with the leaders children etc but still would feel uncomfortable just turning up at an evening meeting without knowing what was expected of me. But when away with them and I am asked to help serve meals or take a specific role in an activity I am quite happy to.

Oh it's ridiculous isn't it. I was a Scout leader for many years before I had my children and it was always the same one or two doing the running round, lifts etc.

My DD is now in Beavers and I help when I can - with two smaller children it's hard to juggle but it's the way it is. We don't have a compulsory helpers list at the group she's in and I wish they would.

Slightly off topic but when we had the snow this year the school asked for parent helpers to clear the footpaths etc - out of 600 children (so probably 800 parents, accounting for families with several children) 12 parents attended. 12!

I’m a beaver scout leader

If I don’t have enough parent helpers I send out a text saying that we will have to cancel if people can’t stay and help. It only took
It to happen once where I did cancel
And now
People sign up

Rainbow leader here. Send a message to all parents saying "Unfortunately this is the 4th meeting running that we have been short of adults due to parents not turning up, If no one volunteers either to become a regular helper themselves or to share the role between a group of you we will have to look at closing Beavers." You'd be amazed how many suddenly like the parent rota idea once they realise the alternative is helping more regularly.

We had this problem with my sons group. Eventually all parents were asked to stay at drop off until enough had volunteered that meant their ratios were ok.

I’d cancel the trip now and do as above in future and not allow parents to leave without their children until enough parents were staying the evening

we had this at ours call a parents meeting and tell them that it is jeopardising the future of the group. Do a rota with dates and names on give a copy to everyone (name and shame) and on trip night don't let parents go till you have confirmed volunteers and if they don't turn up cancel trip and send them all home . So everyone will be aware who let you down by having there name on rota . Also tell them to see if they can't make it to see if they can arrange a swap for another week with someone off the rota they have a copy of

If I was you I would cancel the activity and explain why.

YANBU. I am a beaver leader and am in the process of drafting a letter telling parents the dates of the meetings that I will be cancelling next term. Why? I will be the only remaining leader and no-one else is willing to help on a regular basis. There are some dates that I can’t do due to work or family commitments. I wonder how many complaints there will be.

As a scout group treasurer, cancel it now and let the GSL know why. Then email all the parents stating the trip is cancelled spelling out exactly why - lack of parent volunteers mean the activity is unsafe. If anyone does step up afterwards say its too late as the decision had been made. Do not back down.

Sad thing is they don’t realise how much fun doing a night as a volunteer at a scouting/Guiding meeting can be - Honestly!
I used to do regular nights when dd was in brownies. I loved helping doing Xmas crafts and helping gain a badge. I also worked full time and I’m a lone parent so time was short. I appreciate if you have other responsibilities at home it may be difficult but just because you can’t be arsed? Well when one small team can put in so much work, giving a bit of time back now and again so your child can have low cost fun it’s a bit of a nerve!

Volunteering at these things IS fun! I’ve just had to step down from my role and I’m gutted, I thought I wasn’t going to enjoy being there when I started but it’s been wonderful.

Cancel the evening. I’m a very exhausted scout leader, a massive group (40+) and other leaders who decide that 5 minutes before we’re meant to start that they won’t be there!!

The parents know you rely on them. Make it clear that if they cannot help on their night they either need to find a stand in or the night will be cancelled.

Omg my eldest is in Beavers and he loves it... you’re making such a difference to their lives it’s rubbish that you’re being let down like that. I arrange a babysitter for when it’s my turn to help!

I’m sure that there are parents of the kids on the waiting list who would come and help, so you could say that if parents fail to turn up for their agreed spot (or just fail to respond to messages) that unfortunately the child forfeits their spot.

I run a community group and it is so incredibly hard to get parents to volunteer - they actually are there during the entire session but are happy to sit around chatting while three usual volunteers do all the work. Not good enough.

You have to start cancelling, all the time you keeping managing when people let you down people start to think that letting you down is no big deal.
I chair the PTA and help out at Brownies, it's always the same faces that help and you get burned out unless you stop trying to do everything yourself.

I agree with the poster who said that if you have a waiting list drop the kids whose parents bail on you without arranging a replacement. You'll probably only have to do it to one poor kid to show the parents you mean business.

Get the letter sorted and handed out at the next meeting.

I suspect people are in the own little worlds and have no idea how awful you're feeling about this. I'm sure they're all hugely grateful to you volunteering (or most of them, there are always a few blithely ungrateful!). I'd say you should cancel this next event on account of not being able to find cover at short notice, and send out a polite but firm letter saying how much you love volunteering for the group but how difficult it has become to secure reliable support, and if parents aren't able to commit to an event per term (or organise suitable cover for themselves in an emergency), then you'll have to close the group.

I'm sure people will rally round for you when they understand the full extent of what you're dealing with. And if they don't, they really are bloody ungrateful and unreliable so you probably should just close the group.

I agree with you, it's really frustrating. BUT, you have to realise that people are on the whole a lot less invested than you are in the whole thing. Trip out? Nice. Not enough volunteers and it's cancelled? Oh well. If you can't make it, you can't make it, and tbh there's a lot of pressure put on parents until people like me end up doing silly things like bringing 2 year olds to Scout bushcraft and camp fire sessions that start at 8 because you feel like you can't say no at short notice. You need to be realistic about what level of performance people are willing and able to fund with their time and plan from there.

Cancel this upcoming trip and explain why.I
Hopefully they will take it seriously the next time. If not cancel. If you end up cancelling 3 trips then close or hand over to a willingly new Beaver Leader!

I really don't like the idea of dropping kids because their parents don't show up.It's not their fault, and it means they are being let down by two people rather than just one. And it would soon get round and parents who can't, rather than won't would be worried about letting their kids join. But I don't know the answer.

I would have a parent contract when they join, saying that if they don't volunteer at least once per term, their child loses their place in the group.

I would also stress the massive waiting list you have:

Cancel and tell them why.

They need to realise they have to step up.

Tbh, I think parent rotas are ok, but can you also do some volunteer recruitment? Get some university students who might have teaching interest? Posters up in libraries and shops? Does your area have a recruitment push on too? Maybe they can help?

Good luck!
Scouting and guiding are awesome and I think people just can't understand until they're in it!

I have mixed views. Like the OP, I am a (relatively new) Beaver 'leader' (in fact a section assistant).

We are, however, fortunate to have enough leaders that parents are not required.

Plenty parents will actually feel uncomfortable / anxious about this type of thing - looking after other people's kids is not simple.

Any chance of recruiting more permanent leaders / assistants instead?