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Original poster

Talk to me about when your teen lied and it had dire consequences

33 replies

Metoodear · 30/06/2018 20:36

My teen lies all the time and I think we’re coming to the end of the road of what we can do for him

The weekend ended up with him lying about being attacked by a gang when in fact his injuries were self inflicted he even flagged strangers down and told them he had been attacked in order to use their phone because his phone had died que husband jumping in the car with just his boxers on combing the high street looking for him in the middle of the night and me calling the police Blushonly to have to cancel a few hours later when we find out he was lying he’s 18

Please say it’s not just my teen their must be other having issues with their teen telling the truth

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Original poster
Metoodear · 30/06/2018 20:38

He suffers from GDD and depression he takes medication for the latter

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henpeckedinchief · 30/06/2018 20:39

What do you think the reason is OP? Is it for attention, or because he likes the drama? Does he ever give explanations for why he has done it?

Original poster
Metoodear · 30/06/2018 20:48

No he just lies we tried he’s had therapy

Even when he’s been caught red handed he still will coutine to lie even when you try and give him a out of you say well maybe you didn’t mean it to happen like x he will still lie

He often dose the following

Just out and out lie
Says he forgot
Or try and convince you your wrong so if you have him £10 for example yesterday he would ask again for the money again today you would say I have it you yesterday he would say no you didn’t remember you were busy and told me to come get it today silly Wink

Iike a lot of people who lie he peppers the lie with truths or omits things

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Original poster
Metoodear · 30/06/2018 20:50

And I firmly believe if we had not found out the truth before the police came he would of given false statements to them its his ability to go right to the wire with the lie so he would see people sacked for example before he would own up

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PumpkinPie2016 · 30/06/2018 21:02

My sister was like this as a teen. She once concocted a whole load of lies to tell a young man she was talking to on msn (as was the thing at the time). He was only 18 himself and seemingly quite naive bless him as he took it all in to the point of sending expensive gifts/money to her Shock She was about 14 at the time!

If course it all came out in the end and then she tried to play the victim. Thankfully, our parents saw through it and it never got as far as contacting the police. I always felt extremely sorry for the lad though - he was genuinely innocent in the whole thing and she could have potentially caused huge problems for him!

She is better these days but even now, in her late twenties with two children she still tells lies, mostly very random ones! E.g. she will say she has walked somewhere with the kids when actually she got the bus.

It's very bizarre and a have never been able to get to the bottom of why she does it.

Safe to say, people take things she tells them with a large dose of salt!

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 30/06/2018 21:03

Watching with interest - my son is only 7 and I can see this in his future, I want to know how to stamp on it now!!

Original poster
Metoodear · 30/06/2018 21:04

It’s very difficult living with someone you rarely belive

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NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 30/06/2018 21:08

My brother was/is like this, he lies like a normal person breathes-I actually think he believes what he's spouting. I'm no longer in contact with him as I could no longer deal with the bullshit & drama that came with it. He's just not a nice person, at all.

Original poster
Metoodear · 30/06/2018 21:10

ZigZagIntoTheBlue

My son started form a early age we tried everything incentives for being truthful
He used to lie about small things at first then start to lie about bigger things even when caught he would say he didn’t we would spend the next few hours back in forth say yes you did him say no I didn’t

Then one day he told a massive one involving a teacher and getting a boy to write a false satement to back his lie up
Teacher ended up getting surspended Blushit was awful

He’s told lies about my ex to me and about me and dh to ex

Now a days it just seems to fall from his mouth 👄
Who knows what mayhem he could cause now he’s going it to adult hood with work mates ect

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Original poster
Metoodear · 30/06/2018 21:11

Even today after the shit that happend at the weekend his ability to own the things he has done is zero

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Original poster
Metoodear · 30/06/2018 21:14

I feel like It’s pretty much a waist of time even talking to him because everything is just a lie

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OverTheHedgeHammy · 01/07/2018 16:25

Has he ever been hurt by other people lying to him?

Original poster
Metoodear · 01/07/2018 16:28

Most likey my ex but we have never lived together and he has very little contact

My dh has raised him and has been rock steady in his love for him

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HollowTalk · 01/07/2018 16:29

This must be incredibly hard for you.

Does he believe other people and what they say?

Original poster
Metoodear · 01/07/2018 16:36

Yes he doesn’t believe others are lying he believes me

But will often try and convice me or oh that we miss heard him or he ment something else

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Original poster
Metoodear · 01/07/2018 16:38

Another thing he dose is if he brakes somthing like a door handle for example he would pop it back on so the next person who try’s to open the door assumes they broke it Confused

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rosesandflowers1 · 01/07/2018 16:46

DD1 used to lie a lot. She was having bullying problems at school and it started with her lying to make herself more "interesting" and be more liked. It then evolved into a habit.

She lies less now - more when she's put on the spot/wants to avoid trouble Grin e.g. "DD, have you made your bed?" She'll say yes and then you go up to her room and she hasn't! We've restarted the counselling that originally stopped her making up actual tales about her life, not so much because of the lying but for other issues, but hopefully we'll be able to work on that too.

She never went to these lengths though and she's only 16.

Original poster
Metoodear · 01/07/2018 16:48

rosesandflowers1

That’s what’s so worrying it’s the lengths he is willing to go to Sad

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NeverLovedElvis · 01/07/2018 16:55

Do the lies always involve an appeal for sympathy/help or a way of avoiding getting into trouble ?
These can be an indication that the liar has experienced abuse.
Sometimes traumatised people know they need help, but don't know how to ask for it so make up other problems instead and get 'help' that way.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2018 16:55

I think it's time to let him suffer the consequences of his lies, and perhaps you need to tell him he must move out of your home.

rosesandflowers1 · 01/07/2018 17:05

That’s what’s so worrying it’s the lengths he is willing to go to

Does he want lots of physical affection (e.g. hugs)? Does he read a lot of romance stories? Is he into BDSM (as a submissive)? Does he often complain about being cold? To me it sounds like he desperately wants attention/affection.

I'd get him some counselling. Don't tell him to move out! He's very vulnerable and if he moves to a place where nobody is aware of his lying habits, he could cause real problems for people or get himself in huge trouble.

MinaPaws · 01/07/2018 17:07

Hi OP,

I found this really useful to explain why they do it and how to tackle it when DS went through a phase of lying.

I also showed him the consequences, so I'd say: Unfortunately, because you've been lying I don't believe you, even though I want to. So I'm going to have to assume that's not true until someone I trust can prove to me it is.

If you give him money, make him sign a book for it and if he says that's stupid, agree and say it is, but until he can go a long time without lying, that's how it is.

But overall, I'd try and discover why he's lying -To get attention? To big himself up? Tackle the cause not the symptom. So, for example, saying he was attacked, attacking himself and crying out to strangers for help could be a sort of acting out of some sort of psychological distress he;s in, where he really does feel under attack and needs help. But you'd have to find out what/who he feels threatened by. Maybe a good psychologist or counsellor could help?

SirVixofVixHall · 01/07/2018 17:11

How stressful and difficult. What is GDD?
Has he been diagnosed with a personality disorder ? He is quite old now to have so little regard for other people’s feelings. Is he very immature ?
I had a friend married to a man who lied all the time, he did it to cover up things he had done, but your son seems to want attention if he is inventing things to lie about ?

Grumblepants · 01/07/2018 17:15

I went to school with a girl like this. She genuinely wouldn't know the truth if it bit her on the bum. However, she is now VERY wealthy selling real estate in Dubai.
Just trying to give you a silver lining OP.

Original poster
Metoodear · 01/07/2018 17:27

To answer your question GDD is gobl development delay however it is very mild

The lie he told about being attacked was to avoid responsibility and avoid blame
He was actually at a girls house her father came home early and he jumped over her back wall he wouldn’t of been able to explain why he had no shoes on so he concocted this lie about him being attacked by a gang dear Lord it’s the flagging down the passers by and also allowing me to call the police we only found out it was a lie when the girl turned up at our house with her parents and his shoes and when he saw them his first words thank goodness you found my shoesConfusedand was still lying for at least 10 minuets

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