Poo on toilet seat. Am I wrong to point it out?

[DaftCat]

My SD is 13, quite often, when she goes to the toilet here, she somehow managed to smear poo on the toilet seat, not loads but a good smear, about an inch or so long and wide.
I’ve pointed it out to her a few times and asked her to check after going, showed her the bathroom wipes and asked her to just wipe the seat if she sees anything.
That appeared to work for a few months but last night I went in the bathroom after she was asleep and there’s yet another quite large poo smear on the seat.
My DH says I mustn’t say anything to her because it will embarrass her. I think that I don’t really care if it embarrasses her, I don’t want to clean another persons shit off the loo before I can sit down.
If she was a toddler I wouldn’t care, but she’s 13! No SN, no dexterity problems, I think our toilet is quite small & she’s smearing the toilet paper on the seat after she’s wiped.
So WIBU to talk to her about it yet again this morning, or should I just leave it and continue to clean up?

Its laziness. She doesn’t do it at home because their loo is a different shape. She is incredibly lazy, always has been. She’s not unhappy about being here, DH and I have been together for 8 years and she’s been coming here the whole time. I really don’t think it’s a ‘you clean up my shit’ thing, it’s laziness, pure and simple. And yes, most people do look down when they flush but I can just imagine her having a perfunctory wipe, dropping the loo roll down the loo, and just hitting the button without glancing down. I know she doesn’t wash her hands despite insisting she does - We make her wash them at the kitchen sink before meals.
Her pants aren’t awful, not pooey as such, just evident of not wiping very well, not doing that last polish that most of us do.
DH wiped her bum for her till she was about 7/8, I couldn’t believe it but he just kept doing it, and SD let him, it’s laziness, really, it is just that, she’s capable of far more than she lets on but it’s easier to let other people do it.

Wendy SD would do that. If we ever have a snack or a drink when we’re out, as soon as she’s finished she says “here you go” and hands it to DH, it took years of training both her and him for her to put it in a bin or hold it till we find one, I suspect when I’m not there he still holds stuff for her all the time. He can’t see that babying her doesn’t help.
I’ve just watched him put her wet towel on the rail, make her bed, pick her clothes up and tidy her dressing table, all things she could do herself. If I say anything he says “well I pick up after you!” Which he does sometimes, and I pick up after him, but my point is that I ^know* how to do stuff, by constantly doing everything for her, she’ll never learn.

Lazy little, DH needs it spelling out that he is doing her no favours.

I am confused though by the size of the toilet..aren't they all the same ?

I thought they were Old but ours is really small compared to older ones. I have accidentally knocked the seat at times while wiping so I can see how she’s doing it.
She’s a popular girl, plenty of friends, seems pretty happy, I don’t think there’s any underlying problems, just laziness and a very entitled artitude - that’s a whole other story but she is firmly of the opinion that the words ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ need never pass her lips. But we’re working on that one.
I get on well with her, I know I’m a lot more strict than her parents but she’s ok with that, We do a fair bit together and she seems to be happy that I’m around.

Hmm. Is it possible that she has never actually been taught by a woman how to clean herself properly? If her mums a bit slack and dad was so hands on then maybe she had to develop a self taught slapdash cleaning style when other people stopped wiping her bum.

Ive told her what to do, wiping front to back etc, and both DH and I have told her that she’ll get a sore / itchy bum if she doesn’t wipe properly, it just seems like she can’t be bothered at times.

What I would suggest OP is that you reinforce to your DP that DSD needs to clear up her own mess. Whilst I understand that having poo on your toilet seat in your house is repulsive, don’t clean it up yourself if it’s not your poo. Take DSD to the bathroom and have her clean her own mess.

I’m sure if she hasn’t already, she’ll have an embarrassing situation at a friend’s house if she carries on with this poor personal hygiene. You need to tell her this.