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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Poo on toilet seat. Am I wrong to point it out?

57 replies

DaftCat · 30/06/2018 09:42

My SD is 13, quite often, when she goes to the toilet here, she somehow managed to smear poo on the toilet seat, not loads but a good smear, about an inch or so long and wide.
I’ve pointed it out to her a few times and asked her to check after going, showed her the bathroom wipes and asked her to just wipe the seat if she sees anything.
That appeared to work for a few months but last night I went in the bathroom after she was asleep and there’s yet another quite large poo smear on the seat.
My DH says I mustn’t say anything to her because it will embarrass her. I think that I don’t really care if it embarrasses her, I don’t want to clean another persons shit off the loo before I can sit down.
If she was a toddler I wouldn’t care, but she’s 13! No SN, no dexterity problems, I think our toilet is quite small & she’s smearing the toilet paper on the seat after she’s wiped.
So WIBU to talk to her about it yet again this morning, or should I just leave it and continue to clean up?

OP posts:
NeeChee · 30/06/2018 10:39

Be honest with her, tell her your concerns that friends might talk, and that kids can be very cruel.

JovialNickname · 30/06/2018 10:41

How long have you been with her dad? Is she made to come to stay with you both? It sounds to me a bit more like a dirty protest than an innocent mistake, at that age. If I've got it wrong though then I apologise

sadie9 · 30/06/2018 10:51

I wouldn't use the threat of her friends finding out and talking about it or talking about her. It's not helpful to put that idea into her head that she is shameful or something is shameful about her.
She probably never looks back at the toilet seat afterwards. Just ask her to go back and clean it each time. And say 'leave things the way you would like to find them yourself'.

trojanpony · 30/06/2018 10:54

Ask your DH to BE A PARENT!!!

This is not normal and she will get a really hard time from her peers. Can he talk to his EX?

LeighaJ · 30/06/2018 10:55

Rocinante1

"I'd be worried that she's doing it on school toilets or public toilets so yes, talk to her."

Or friend's houses. Shock

endofthelinefinally · 30/06/2018 10:55

She needs to learn to clean her bum properly too. If her pants are skiddy that is a health issue.
Her parents both need to educate her about this, it is really important and it should not be left to you to do it.

DoinItForTheKids · 30/06/2018 10:56

Tell her the next time she does it you're posting it on social media...... [#evillaugh].

TwinkleToes86 · 30/06/2018 10:57

It needs to be nipped in the bud. If she’s doing it by accident, she’s most likely doing it at friends/family’s houses too which could be really embarrassing for her. If you think this is accidental, I would remind her about the wipes again and remind her to check the toilet before leaving the bathroom.

I say if this is ‘accidental’ because my first thought was she could be purposely smearing poo on the seat to get at you. Like she’s winning by shitting ‘on you’ and making you clear it up. Do you have a good relationship with her? Maybe there’s more to this poo-smearing.

crispysausagerolls · 30/06/2018 11:04

But you have to turn around to flush the loo, so wouldn’t you see a fucking smear of shit on the loo seat?!? Frankly it sounds like someone needs to sit down with her and explain about all of the hygiene elements. Do you have loo wipes OP? I think those are a game changer and could help with skid marks etc too.

Papergirl1968 · 30/06/2018 11:06

I would just say in a matter of fact way, “X, go and clean the toilet seat, now, please.” And expect her to leave whatever she’s doing and sort it.
I’m having issues with personal hygiene with dd2, who just turned 14, and doesn’t see the need to shower daily no matter how hot it is. I’ve now said that she WILL shower daily and if that means taking her phone, banning her from tv etc, till she has showered, so be it. And I’ll be doing spot checks as it wouldn’t surprise me if she sometimes runs the water but doesn’t get in.

FrancisCrawford · 30/06/2018 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

longwayoff · 30/06/2018 11:07

Sadie9. Shes 13. Not 3. Dont worry about embarassment as there is far worse ahead of her if she doesn't sort herself out

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/06/2018 11:13

Oh dear. That she’s done it is one thing. But she’s not even embarrassed about it. Now my dd is a few years younger. But she definitely has started to notice how other children smell. And I remember at secondary that smelly kids was a thing. I’d be concerned about her personal hygiene and about her hygiene in general. It would be awful for her to be teased at school.

Do you have any kind of relationship with her mother? Any suspicion of additional needs? Or I hate to say it suspicion of sexual abuse? I seem to remember reading girls sometimes make themselves dirty as a way to ward off predators and may put on weight. I would have thought it unusual that a girl of this age would be so unconcerned with personal hygiene.

Perhaps it’s nothing and she’s an atypical teen girl. Just wanted to run this one past you.

Clutterbugsmum · 30/06/2018 11:15

I would call her, dh and any other children (unless they are very young) and tell them all that they need to ensure the toilet they leave it as they find it as it is not pleasant for anyone else having to use it if it cover in their poo.

If your DH objects then he can be responsible to clean the toilets and bathrooms from now on.

whattheactualbleep · 30/06/2018 11:22

Have had similar with my two eldest. 20 and 13 Hmm
They seem to even forget to flush the chain at tines.

They get called back downstairs instantly and told to sort their mess out.

At one point every tine I went for a wee or number two I called them down and asked them to flush it and bleach the loo in my behalf Grin
The look in their faces was brilliant. When asked why I told them I have to do it every tine they are so lazy they can't be bothered to clean up after themselves so if that's acceptable then il bloody do the same to them. Wink
That worked GrinGrin

Tinkobell · 30/06/2018 11:23

Leave a cleaning spray and flushable wipes in the loo permanently and let her know....."I put these things in here for you darling, just in case you need them"

Tinkobell · 30/06/2018 11:25

If she's not wiping front to back she could get a really awful infection.

endofthelinefinally · 30/06/2018 11:26

Regarding wipes - there is no such thing as a flushable wipe, no matter what it says on the packaging. So called flushable wipes cause enormous damage to plumbing and drainage systems.

CherryNib · 30/06/2018 11:26

Leave flushable wipes in the loo

There's no such thing as flushable wipes, despite what the manufacturers might claim.

LoveInTokyo · 30/06/2018 11:33

13? Good grief.

YADNBU to point this out to her.

If you don’t, it sounds like she will literally go through adulthood without knowing how to wipe her arse properly!

[shocked]

BewareOfDragons · 30/06/2018 11:35

Then get her father to clean it up each and every time. Perhaps he'll think differently about it when he's forced to constantly be interrupted to deal with her shit. Literally.

kaytee87 · 30/06/2018 11:37

Her parents both need to have a firm talk with her about her hygiene.
I'd be surprised if she wasn't being bullied at school due to that alone.
Could she be depressed?

wrenika · 30/06/2018 11:52

I'd call her in to clean up every single time until she gets the point.
And she's be cleaning her own skiddy pants too. She's old enough to understand personal hygiene.

SoNotaWendy · 30/06/2018 14:46

My son aged 12 does this!
I had to make a joke of it and say that he needs to AIM the poo in to the loo, I asked him was he hovering 10cm off the edge or something!

I frog marched him back in to the loo with a wipe, but then he handed me the wipe to put in the bin. fgs. Kids!

WickedLazy · 30/06/2018 14:49

Better you point it out, than her mates!