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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or are they? Hen party related

41 replies

henpeckedinchief · 29/06/2018 22:24

A couple of weekends ago was my best friend's hen party, which I was in charge of organising. I don't want to drip feed, so here are the details. There were 10 of us in total.

Spent Friday to Sunday in a house in the grounds of a massive country estate near where we live. Tennis courts, heated pool, formal gardens, lovely house.

Had a barbecue, cooked the other night, drinks, some games, a few activities (raft building and a spa treatment in the house from people who came to us). I did all of the cooking because I am a good cook and I enjoy it.

Now costs. The venue was free because I have contacts due to the industry I work in and someone did me an amazing favour. Would have cost £2,000 if we had paid for it. So people had to pay for their own transport to the venue and a share of the food / decor - that came to £40 per person. They also had to pay for activities but there was were optional and bride was very relaxed about whether people joined in. Altogether activities came to another £80. So it was £120 plus transport for a long weekend with activities etc. Everyone was happy with this and had no complaints about costs.

So AIBU to be annoyed by the fact that one of the other girls there WOULD NOT STOP going on about the fact that I 'benefitted' from organising the event because I did the shopping for it and so got the loyalty points?

She brought it up 3 times over the weekend in a way that was increasingly less jokey each time. She kept making tinkly comments about how I'd kept a 'tight grip' on the organising so I could cash in on points!

Was this rude or am I too sensitive? The amount of work I put into this hen was like a part time job - the handful of nectar points I got from the shop was not adequate compensation! And at no point did any of the other hens offer even a smidgen of help. I would have accepted help but didn't mind them not offering because it's my job etc as maid of honour. But it's a bit galling to be accused of somehow trying to profit!

She was difficult about other things as well - she complained about the fact that she missed the opportunity to arrive before the bride and be part of the 'greeting part' because her train got in too late, even tho the only alternative would have been to delay the bride's arrival at her own hen party for 3 hours so she arrived after the other girl. And I had to not drink so I could drive to pick her up when she did arrive! And she didn't bring a swimsuit and then complained that it was because swimming wasn't specifically listed on the itinerary even tho I had told people there was a pool.

Sorry, that turned into a rant! But i am annoyed at her being so bratty. I need to let it go - bride is a honey and was very pleased so that is what matters!

OP posts:
YoucancallmeVal · 29/06/2018 22:27

She's a twat. Post a pic of a bottle of champagne on fb and tag her in with the comment: well earned drink after all my hard work. And free thanks to my nectar points! Cheers (insert name here)

Leeds2 · 29/06/2018 22:29

She sounds like an absolute nightmare!

If she raises it again at the wedding, say you will deduct her share of the nectar points from the £200 it would've cost her had the venue been paid for.

Has the bride said she has form for this?

redexpat · 29/06/2018 22:30

YANBU. And btw that sounds like a lovely hen do.

tinyme77 · 29/06/2018 22:30

Well done for not losing it with her and for organising a great hen do. I think that you have to feel sorry for her. What a miserable time she had. :)

henpeckedinchief · 29/06/2018 22:31

YoucancallmeVal Grin absolutely genius!

Leeds2 the bride hasn't said anything (I don't think she was around for the points comments!) but I think it was perhaps a bit of an 'obligation' invite as the girl in question is her brother's girlfriend and I don't think they hang out a lot usually. So I don't think they are necessarily best mates but maybe I am projecting.

OP posts:
henpeckedinchief · 29/06/2018 22:32

redexpat and tinyme77 Flowers thank you

OP posts:
BigPinkBall · 29/06/2018 22:33

Some people are just never happy, you can bet that if it had been her “benefitting” from the Nectar points then that would be different though!

Thebluedog · 29/06/2018 22:34

If she raises it again at the wedding, say you will deduct her share of the nectar points from the £200 it would've cost her had the venue been paid for.

This with bells on it

mummmy2017 · 29/06/2018 22:36

I second the bottle of bubbly, but a picture of you with the bride drinking the stuff
..

StealthPolarBear · 29/06/2018 22:37

Might be worth calculating how many point she 'earned', their cash value and paying her back. I suspect it would be about a pound and would shut her up and make a point about pettiness.
Well that's what I'd do...

Hellywelly10 · 29/06/2018 22:37

She sounds barking op.

LastOneDancing · 29/06/2018 22:38

£120 for a weekend like that sounds amazing! Well done OP!

She however, sounds awful.

henpeckedinchief · 29/06/2018 22:39

StealthPolarBear absolutely! That's the most mad thing. The value must be tiny?!

Thank you for all being lovely and reassuring, wish I'd had you lot along instead of her!

OP posts:
henpeckedinchief · 29/06/2018 22:39

LastOneDancing thank you! was very lucky to call in some favours for it!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 29/06/2018 22:42

Exactly. So pay it, it might shame her

henpeckedinchief · 29/06/2018 22:43

That's not a bad idea...

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 29/06/2018 22:44

Preferably if you hear her moaning about it, with the words "I never want to have this conversation again"

SoftAsACactus · 29/06/2018 22:48

Hmm she has a point

Not a nectar point, mind you Grin

FadedRed · 29/06/2018 22:49

And I had to not drink so I could drive to pick her up when she did arrive!
Could you tell her that you've worked out that 'her share of the nectar points' didn't cover the cost of the petrol you used to pick her up, and she owes you a fiver?

StealthPolarBear · 29/06/2018 22:55

Also an excellent point. Also work out her share of your admin work to set it all up, maybe just at minimum wage as you don't want to be cheeky.

henpeckedinchief · 29/06/2018 22:57

These are excellent points! I haven't even considered the petrol aspect but it was 5 miles there and back so that must be equal to the value of her share of the points!!

OP posts:
Cindie943811A · 29/06/2018 22:58

Yes, yes do as Fadedred says and say. “ your share of the points less the petrol I used to pick you up means you stil owe £x towards the hen do”..

HyacinthsBucket70 · 29/06/2018 23:01

You sound a lovely friend to have arranged such a nice hen do!

And what a petty nasty thing to gripe over. I'd post a library picture of a Range Rover or Aston Martin with a #thankyouNectarpoints or similar though Grin and have a bit of fun at their expense............

bluemascara · 29/06/2018 23:03

Ah fuck her op she sounds like a dick

GahWhatever · 29/06/2018 23:07

SIBU for being an arse. YWBU to take it to heart. Everyone had a nice time for a reasonable price and after the wedding you will never see her again. You know you did a great job. Let it go. For your own benefit..let it go. Honestly, if this is the worst thing about organising a hen weekend you have got off likely. What if the pool had the wrong chemicals and everyone's skin melted/bubbled up and their hair went green, or if one of your great value meals had given everyone food poisoning through no fault of yours, or the bride had a huge allergic reaction to the spa treatment and her face went all red and crusty? Such a big responsibility! You rocked it so stop stressing!