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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or are they? Hen party related

41 replies

henpeckedinchief · 29/06/2018 22:24

A couple of weekends ago was my best friend's hen party, which I was in charge of organising. I don't want to drip feed, so here are the details. There were 10 of us in total.

Spent Friday to Sunday in a house in the grounds of a massive country estate near where we live. Tennis courts, heated pool, formal gardens, lovely house.

Had a barbecue, cooked the other night, drinks, some games, a few activities (raft building and a spa treatment in the house from people who came to us). I did all of the cooking because I am a good cook and I enjoy it.

Now costs. The venue was free because I have contacts due to the industry I work in and someone did me an amazing favour. Would have cost £2,000 if we had paid for it. So people had to pay for their own transport to the venue and a share of the food / decor - that came to £40 per person. They also had to pay for activities but there was were optional and bride was very relaxed about whether people joined in. Altogether activities came to another £80. So it was £120 plus transport for a long weekend with activities etc. Everyone was happy with this and had no complaints about costs.

So AIBU to be annoyed by the fact that one of the other girls there WOULD NOT STOP going on about the fact that I 'benefitted' from organising the event because I did the shopping for it and so got the loyalty points?

She brought it up 3 times over the weekend in a way that was increasingly less jokey each time. She kept making tinkly comments about how I'd kept a 'tight grip' on the organising so I could cash in on points!

Was this rude or am I too sensitive? The amount of work I put into this hen was like a part time job - the handful of nectar points I got from the shop was not adequate compensation! And at no point did any of the other hens offer even a smidgen of help. I would have accepted help but didn't mind them not offering because it's my job etc as maid of honour. But it's a bit galling to be accused of somehow trying to profit!

She was difficult about other things as well - she complained about the fact that she missed the opportunity to arrive before the bride and be part of the 'greeting part' because her train got in too late, even tho the only alternative would have been to delay the bride's arrival at her own hen party for 3 hours so she arrived after the other girl. And I had to not drink so I could drive to pick her up when she did arrive! And she didn't bring a swimsuit and then complained that it was because swimming wasn't specifically listed on the itinerary even tho I had told people there was a pool.

Sorry, that turned into a rant! But i am annoyed at her being so bratty. I need to let it go - bride is a honey and was very pleased so that is what matters!

OP posts:
Sophisticatedsarcasm · 29/06/2018 23:08

She just sounds like an obnoxious piece of work, so what you organised it so why wouldn’t you get the loyalty points, you always get someone who has to complain about something 😡

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 29/06/2018 23:08

I would send a group email out to all invited and just say that you know that concerns had been expressed about you profiting in nectar points from the weekend, that it was an oversight but that, obviously, you are absolutely mortified to have realise what you’ve done. Say you’ve worked out that you owe them all 30p (or whatever it would be) and can they just let you know how they’d like the money.
Then other people will call her a twat and you won’t have to

Leeds2 · 29/06/2018 23:09

Work out the value of the nectar points you earned, and send round an email to the bride and all hens saying that Jane has "commented" on you benefitting from the nectar points, several times, so you have calculated that each hen is owed 83p. Could they let you have their bank details?
Send a second email to Jane, telling her she owes you £x in petrol costs.
No, I am not that petty and wouldn't do this, but she sounds like she need a reality check.

Seafoodeatit · 29/06/2018 23:11

Points are worth diddly squat these days, just ignore her and her batshit comments.

ReanimatedSGB · 29/06/2018 23:14

All that comes to mind is 'someone's left the gate open at the cunt farm again'. I am frequently amazed at how entitled, whiny and stupid some people are. This was a lovely, bargain weekend; you did nearly all the work as well as getting the good deal, and this wretched girl is snarking at you about fucking Nectar points?

KirstenRaymonde · 29/06/2018 23:16

She’s nuts. I have strong feelings about excessive weekend away Hen does that always cost silly amounts - this sounds like a fab weekend that was very sensibly planned. You’re right to need a rant, but you’re not in the wrong so try to let it go!

Nofunkingworriesmate · 29/06/2018 23:16

Awesome hen do! If only they were that good and cheap!

If you organised all that, at that price I'd have had a whip for you for round for flowers and wine to be delivered on your return home!!!

PopGoesTheWeaz · 29/06/2018 23:26

Sounds like it was a wonderful weekend and I'm sure the bride really enjoyed it and appreciates the effort you put in.

Try not to let this random woman's brattiness colour your enjoyment of it all. It sounds like she was maybe feelin inadequate - maybe felt like an outsider -- so dealt with it by lashing out? I don't know, but do know she's not worth the effort of worrying about.

(Next time, be sure to add me to the invite list. You can have all my nectar points.)

Kool4katz · 29/06/2018 23:32

And you did the cooking too? Wow, if you ever have a vacancy for a new best friend, I'd like to apply.
Seriously, your party weekend sounds awesome.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 29/06/2018 23:33

Everyone's said everything I wanted to, but I will just echo that it sounds like an amazing hen weekend.

Don't do anything that will cause the bride any stress. Enjoy the day. Avoid the girl. Never see her again.

Job done.

manicinsomniac · 29/06/2018 23:36

Ooooh, the mature and rational thing to do would be to rise above it and ignore but I would be so, so tempted to do exactly what foxes and leeds suggest!

YANBU, of course. Supermarket points wouldn't have even entered my head.

henpeckedinchief · 29/06/2018 23:38

Thank you all so much, I really appreciate you being so lovely! I feel much better Grin sometimes when someone is such a CF the brazenness of it makes you doubt yourself!

OP posts:
sallywinter · 29/06/2018 23:39

I think she’s seriously overestimating the value of points...

www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/shopping/2014/10/nectar-points-cut-in-half-at-sainsburys-and-points-for-bag-reuse-scrapped

Spend £1, get one point. 500 points is worth £2.50 to spend in store.

Regardless, she’s being a dick. But if you are going to chuck her some money it would need to be.... very little.

AGirlCalledJohnny · 29/06/2018 23:45

Imagine not appreciating all that, sad really, only to see what she wasn’t getting. Weekend sounded fab and you are a great friend to pull all that off. But please don’t send an email, last thing the bride needs!

BlancheM · 29/06/2018 23:49

Fuck her. How over invested was she in the financial side of things to even guess you would have a friggin nectar card anyway?
Anyway, I'm sure I used up a few month's worth of points on a paltry Caffè Nero anyway. You should redeem yours for one and offer her a sip!

GreenTulips · 29/06/2018 23:58

So £40 towards food is £400 which equates to £2 points or 40p each

Yeah send a WhatsApp apologizing for the oversight until the issue wa raised over the weekend - say you'd like to pay it back or alternatively donated it to 'Save a Bitch dog charity fund'

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