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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teen dd has just caused a whole flipping argument because

61 replies

Takethemdown · 29/06/2018 20:06

She realised that she had lost the front off a cheap pound shop watch (one of those you press and it shows the number through the cover) while on the way back from buying a take away (big treat for us) but didn't know if she had lost it earlier in the day and I said its okay it doesn't matter we can replace it.

Apparently that wasn't the right response and she bit my head off that she couldn't believe I had said that. I asked what she wanted me to say as there was no point me having a big fuss and tantrum about it.
She thought I was saying she was having a tantrum and lost her shit. I explained what I meant. She still lost her shit more.

So ensued a one hour tantrum over the fact she has lost a bloody replaceable bit of rubber off a replaceable cheap watch.

Iabu to give up?

OP posts:
friendlyflicka · 29/06/2018 21:06

I wouldn't dare remove my daughter's phone. I don't think I'd live to tell the tale

BlackeyedSusan · 29/06/2018 21:12

small autistic boys are no different. in fact can be worse

LadyLoveYourWhat · 29/06/2018 21:18

I feel your pain. Sometimes it reminds me of when they were tiny and lost it when they got home because all their energy had gone on being well behaved all day at school. I'm learning to just let it be water off a duck's back - you don't get what you want by screaming and shouting, I'm not going out of my way for you if you're rude to me, but I am literally only doing natural consequences, not punishing extra just for being rude or having a tantrum - though that doesn't mean I will just stand there and take it. I have also warned that I won't be sworn at and that will bring sanctions. But, being a teenager is hard. I know my daughter will get past this stage - when she's calm she does get upset that she sometimes feels she can't help herself from being rude and doesn't know why she does it - she will learn to control herself, but I don't think raising the temperature even higher myself will help.

Coyoacan · 29/06/2018 21:18

After I survived my dd's teenage years I saw my friend who had been in the same boat start again with the next one and for once I was ever so glad I had an only child.

LuluJakey1 · 29/06/2018 21:22

Has she been off school ill? That might explain it.

LynetteScavo · 29/06/2018 21:32

@BlackeyedSusan small autistic boys stay angrier for longer (teens age girls are remarkably fickle) but teenage girls have a much larger larger vocabulary including swear words

Thank heavens I've not had to parent both at the same time!

Stopyourhavering64 · 29/06/2018 21:34

You have my sympathy OP!
Dd1 was ok as a teen, however her younger sister was a totally different kettle of fish middle child syndrome
..the years between 13 and 17 were 'challenging at times' think staying out late, saying she was staying at a friends when in fact she was at a party and my poor dh could barely be in same room as her without fur flying for daring to ask if she'd done her homework
She's now 21 and since the age of 18 ,when she left for Uni and realised we weren't that bad after all, she's been a delight and really does appreciate all that we've done for her and is on track for a 2:1
On the other hand ds was very placid as a baby and is still as laid back and has just finished first year at Uni
..so much for nature/ nurture, but at least I've survived the teenage years and now imparting my experiences to my colleagues!

TheZeppo · 29/06/2018 21:42

I have no teens, but teach hundreds of them.

For your own sanity, try and see the funny side (in private!)

To her: bright and breezy. Ignore. Move on. Compliment the lovely bits.

My two cents 👍

LynetteScavo · 29/06/2018 21:54

@TheZeppo I have no idea how you do it! Respect!

Original poster
Takethemdown · 30/06/2018 00:03

Thanks TheZeppo.
Seriously do they not drive you insane?
The DRAMA at school!!
Every day is a new soap opera.
I couldn't teach teens!

Not ill, she's been on work experience at a vets and had an amazing time.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 30/06/2018 00:03

@LynetteScavo

ds did not get the memo about not using swear words... Blush

he has acquired quite an interesting vocabulary.

Myotherusernameisbest · 30/06/2018 01:26

Ah yes. The totally illogical argument over a total non-issue. Know it well

We had one the other day. I made a simple comment about tuna sandwiches. It ended with me being the worst mother in the world (born in the dark ages she says so I know nothing ) naturally. I'm never to make her a sandwich ever again, because I obviously don't care. I'm always having a go at her and she's apparently doing her own washing from now on because I hadn't done it that day and it should have been done that day because she needed her blue top that day.

So yeah, illogical

On the plus side, she inadvertently offered to do her own washing and make her own sandwiches. Win!

She did apologise later on and gave me a hug though. I think the realisation of doing her washing and sandwiches had just sunk in Grin crafty species are teens.

MargotLovedTom1 · 30/06/2018 01:34

I'm going through it with a bloody ten year old. Her older sisters are like Ghandi in comparison to this one. Just hoping she will have burned off her righteous fury by the time she actually is an teenager.

Goodasgoldilox · 30/06/2018 02:17

It helps to see them as enormous toddlers! (Imagine the cute romper suit and connect it to the angry screwed-up face...) Remember days of fury because rain is wet... or boots won't fit on the wrong feet... or the personally selected pink trousers are pink.

Responsibility for all the world's ills returns to you again for a few years. (Sigh!)

Luckily, they do eventually grow up. My DS (20) told me he thought we weren't so bad as parents. (We seemed to have learnt such a lot since he was 14).

Shockers · 30/06/2018 08:22

DS1 (30) phoned yesterday for ‘some mother wisdom’.

I remember him at around 16, screaming that I couldn’t possibly understand anything about him because I was ‘Stone Age’. He also once wished me dead.

I’m glad he grew up!

SugarIsAmazing · 30/06/2018 09:22

We have 6 DDs and one DGD 😭

HelenaJustina · 30/06/2018 09:27

My almost teen DD literally had an argument in a room by herself this morning. She had lost a £10 and no one else had been in her room or anywhere near it since she last had it (5 fucking minutes previously) you’d think she lived with Artful Dodger and the gang the way she was going on...

AsAProfessionalFekko · 30/06/2018 09:29

Boys are the same. I call mine Donald Trump when his is up to high doh (and I have been called Stalin - I asked him if it was the moustache, but that apparently try meant that I was mocking him🙄).

BrownTurkey · 30/06/2018 09:38

Just listen and nod, make sympathetic noises, don’t talk, any words can be misconstrued. We are always wrong.

Whitelisbon · 30/06/2018 09:46

My 15yo dd had an hour long tantrum the other day because I didn't have a go at her for smashing her phone.
I think she just wanted an argument and I wasn't rising to the bait.

elloelloello · 30/06/2018 09:48

Lots of sympathy from me Flowers

Mine will be 17 in September and I’ve noticed a massive change

She’s just done her exams so is at home more while looking for a summer job and is actually being helpful - cooked a few dinners, hung some washing out, a bit of house work - only because she’s trying to convince me to let her by a hamster but she can crack on

She was an absolute tool from about 12-16 though.

I’ve always thought arguing with a teen is like trying to herd cats. I went down the bright and breezy, ignore the dickhead stuff and never got drawn into a row.

Thankfully we seem to be coming out of it a bit now. The dickhead/nice ratio is swinging back to nice

Just as her younger sister turns 13

viques · 30/06/2018 09:53

It is many years since I had a teen in the house, but this thread has made my brain ache in sympathy .It passes, oh so slowly, but it passes. I think they ought to forget about pain relief for childbirth, let's face it, it's only a few hours, and instead develop effective pain relief for the parents of teens, because their pain lasts for YEARS!!!

Lostalldirection · 30/06/2018 09:59

I just don't get the accepted 'teen attitude' thing now that seems to be the norm. I now I will get flamed for this.

I'm one of four (now grown up) sisters and none of us had teenage tantrums, swore at our parents, expected/demanded/or felt entitled to 'stuff'. We all got up to mischief which we hid from our parents so we weren't angels. But it seems to be accepted and expected now. My two teenage nieces are horrible! And they've actually said 'we're teenagers what do you expect?' Ugh.

Mrsmadevans · 30/06/2018 10:08

'none of us had teenage tantrums, swore at our parents, expected/demanded/or felt entitled to 'stuff'
Us too. We had more respect it seems , things were not easy , not that they are now but ......it was the times l suppose.

Hesperatum · 30/06/2018 10:19

Apparently even my breathing annoyed my DD (when she was 15). Thankfully all that is long ago and she is a most delightful daughter now.