Support for step parents - it’s so bloody hard

[Weddingplanningandlovingit]

Being a step parent is so bloody hard! Does anyone know of any support networks that help? I love my DH2B and want to be with him forever. I’ve tried sooooo hard with his kids but it’s such a struggle. I’m not the OW. The kids are teens and we’ve been together coming up four years. I don’t have my own so it’s not like I’m battling that way.

I’m sorry I know how hard it is.

Can you stop trying and step away a bit and leave it to your dh?

Teenagers are hard work in any case. My advice fwiw is to be like an auntie not a mum. Presumably they have a mum.

there's a step parent board on here, and various other websites. don't know if there's any real life stuff.

Lol teenagers are hard anyway tbh. Just be fair firm and keep trying. My sister step son just lives in his room or on his bike now he's teenager. He lives with them full time and they are a lovely family. My step kids are younger but also have their ups and downs.
Let their dad do.the grunt work and try and find a.sense of humour about it, I think everyone finds parenting tough regardless of if your biologically related or not.
There is some FB groups and a thread on her for step parents.

Yes they live with mum 50% of the time. I’ve disengaged to the level I barely see them which is really not good as I also barely see DH at that time also. I need a way to cope whilst being around them.

What are they like to you when you're around them?

Younger one whispers to her dad all the time, walks out of a room when I walk in, speaks if I speak to her. Older one isn’t so exclusive and is ok as long as he’s getting his own way.

I think you are expecting the impossible.

To become a step parent to teenage kids.

It's hard enough for biological parents during the teenage years, end even tougher to parent teens who have had a family breakdown.
And then to expect to be accepted as a step parent?

Unlikely.
Continue to date and wait a few years until they have flown the nest. You will only make the situation worse right now.

Younger one whispers to her dad all the time, walks out of a room when I walk in, speaks if I speak to her.

And her father does what? Does he tell her to stop whispering? Does he call her back and tell her she's rude? Does he tell her to stop over talking you?

How will I make the situation any worse just by being there?? With the rates of divorce surely many teenagers have the experience of their mum or dad having a new partner? We’ve been together for four years and neither of us want to put our relationship on hold!

I have 2 step daughter 7 and 12 so just hitting the teen years. I'm a secondary school teacher so not too worried as I know all the tricks. I found this network for when I need to vent of get some advice.

www.childlessstepmums.com/

Best advice someone gave me is: enjoy not being their mum. U don't have to look after them or tell them off. Just have fun with them and let dad do all the hard stuff. Also remember The teen years won't last forever, hang in there xx

How will I make the situation any worse just by being there??

You are being naiive.
We are talking teenagers. Teenagers who are feeling bruised by a family break up.

Of course you will make things worse by being there.
They won't be teenagers for ever- give them a break.
You are an adult- you can wait.

i think your partner needs to support you and not engage in the whispering. You can’t make them like you, but the games are taking it a bit too far IMO.

@speakout are you a troll? You have to be? Give them a break - what from my existence?

No I am not a troll.
Give them a break from their circumstances.
This is not all about you.

Weddingplanningandlovingit

And certainly put the bridezilla stuff to the back burner if you want to resolve this.
It comes down to your needs against theirs- and in my view theirs trumps yours right now, and hopefully their father will see it that way too.
You are trying to compete like another teenager.

Can I give you some hope? I have some "step children and step grandchildren". We are not married so that is why I put "step". The "children" are mid 30s and the "grandchildren" are mostly under 12 with 1 over 12. They have all been kind to me and invited me in warmly. Perhaps it is because the "children" are older and living in their own houses with their own children.
Try to stick it out as calmly as possible and discuss things with their Parent.

Try the British second wives club, they get a bad rep on here, but so do most stepmums.

Stillme1 great- I am glad it has worked out, but I suspect the determining factor was the ages of your step children.
Most adults can are mature enough to see the benefits of their parents finding happiness in a new partner.

Most teenagers will not have the emotional maturity to do this.

Huge difference.

Weddingplanningandlovingit

Bridezilla? The clue is in your username.

No shit Sherlock.

Because I’m enjoying planning my wedding? Well pin me down and cover me in feathers! And I dare to be a step mum to be! Fuck me I should go to hell!

You really are a god like creature. A mother - wow I hold you in great esteem. Poor kids is what I say! If they’re anything like you!

Can you blame them acting out when adult wants come before them?

blimey 0-arsey in under 20 posts!

OP they are teenagers - I am the actual biological mum of teens - they can be utter asshats - he needs to deal with it - you need to show a little empathy