To think this is pointless?

[IceTea13]

Background I met him a few years ago when he was not considering transition. Now he is transitioning to a woman.

I am in hospital a ton at the minute having cancer treatment and while we talk she only wants to talk about herself or er... sext. I'm really not feeling sexting (I'm sure someone doesn't think I'm insane) and I really don't know what I'd say even if we were doing so. She refers to her male body parts with female names and god only knows what I would say wrong I'm sure.

Also apparently she feels like we have to sext because it will make me happy?

I am not sure I am being unreasonable but I'm being constantly told I am.

Sorry to bother you.

You are not obliged to receive sexts from anyone, regardless of their transitional status, and most especially if you are unwell! Where does this "friend" get off deciding what will make you happy, anyway? YANBU in the slightest. I suspect you're feeling a bit too fragile to get properly indignant though, which is why you haven't already told friend to bore off. Not a jury in the land would convict you.

Don't worry about bothering anyone, nobody has to click on your thread! If they do they only have themselves to blame

YANBU.

She sounds very self centered. It’s great that she’s found a way to be happy with herself, but it can’t be at your expense.

Reiterate that you aren’t comfortable sexting and try to look after yourself mentally and physically. Cancer treatment is horrible and you need to be focusing on you right now. 💐

Op. This really sounds like too much work and stressful tbh. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to either.
Happy to respond

If she's sexting you and you're uncomfortable with that, it's horrific that she's continuing. Have you voiced it to her that you don't want to?

@IceTea13 No, YANBU - they are not using sexting to make you feel better, they are doing it entirely selfishly to get a kick and validation for themselves as "female", especially with references to their male sex organs as, now, female ones.

You don't say whether this is a serious relationship but if not, I would definitely consider breaking it off and focusing on my own health / recovery / self-care. I really hope your treatment goes well

@rosesandflowers1 Yes I have I guess I'm just a little more worn out now. I have asked for this to stop especially when I've been sent videos and pictures. I changed my phone number (unrelated) but they reached out to me telling me it was an emergency and now it's happening again.

@Aquiver I'm pretty sure you're right. I'm not very sharp right now. She talks constantly about her upcoming appointments and things as I am medical I am more than happy to be supportive but I do get quite a bit of abuse for being a Terf (sp?) for not wanting videos and sexting.

It's not a serious relationship although they do constantly tell me they are in love with me.

Thank you everyone for answering. It's very kind of you

The transition thing is a red herring here.

As with any relationship, if you're not feeling it then end it.

@IceTea13 That does not sound like the behaviour of a supportive person. Actions speak louder than words - no rational person could tolerate hearing "I love you" occasionally, and then aggro and angst the rest of the time.

You do need to take time for yourself during your treatment and recovery - this situation is obviously not good for your mental health at the very least! Give yourself the best chance for a peaceful recovery my love x

Yes I have I guess I'm just a little more worn out now. I have asked for this to stop especially when I've been sent videos and pictures. I changed my phone number (unrelated) but they reached out to me telling me it was an emergency and now it's happening again.

Tell her clearly and plainly, and say if she does it again you'll report her for harassment.

And it she does, do. Awful behaviour.

Oh blimey, this person is an abusive bastard! Tell them feck right off and then block them.

You are not prejudiced in any way for not wanting to sext with anyone, for any reckon you chose. And anyone who uses the phrase terf is generally a right wanker.

God I'm cross on your behalf!!

Reason, not reckon!

It’s not pointless, it’s depraved. You’re having cancer treatment and this person is making it all about themselves and their needs.

Please block them, and focus on getting well.

@Polymamas I didn't mean it to come across as a red herring. I was more trying to explain fully so I didn't negate on what hormones might be doing to them or whether this is a normal process for people transitioning.

People do some extraordinarily strange things under the influence of different medications and I thought I should represent them fully.

If you've asked for her to stop sending sexts and videos and she is persisting then she's sexually harassing you and it is totally unacceptable. It has nothing to do with her transitioning and everything to do with her not respecting your boundaries.

It doesn't sound like she has your best interests at heart. I would block her again and stop engaging - you don't need someone like her treating you so badly.

Selfish and sex obsessed. You don't need that. Even someone fit and healthy wouldn't need it. Change your number again and don't tell him. And LTB.

You are in hospital undergoing cancer treatment. Getting sexts. From a 'friend'. Appalled. Look after yourself and fuck their shit. Seriously op. Take care of yourself and I hope you have people around you to help you recover.

Thank you all so very much. I will end this situation now. Thank you for being so helpful.

I'm going to go and learn why I'm a terf now so that is something to do

Thanks so much

A TERF is a term for "trans exclusionary radical feminist." As such, the descriptor is for transphobic radical feminists, not ones who don't want sexting while undergoing cancer treatment!

Don't let her guilt trip you with that. How despicable.

I'm not one to jump in with "report!" comments, but as you've asked her to stop and she continues to send these messages, then you should consider reporting it to the police as sexual harassment. (You don't even have to have asked them to stop for it to be sexual harassment, but it shows that they know the behaviour is unwelcome and have continued.) If you decide not to report it yet, you could still threaten that you will if the sexting continues.

It's not really clear from your post who this person is to you?

You’re having cancer treatment and this person is making it all about themselves and their needs.

This person couldn't care less about making you happy. Dump them.

Terf is a ridiculous made-up term so don't bother giving it any thought.

For the reason odd, a TERF isn’t usually transphobic. It’s a slur certain trans right activists and their handmaidens use because they don’t like women sticking up for their own rights.

For the record*

They are completely selfish. You're not well right now, concentrate on your wellbeing and get rid of this person fast. I hope you soon recover, be strong.

He sounds like a typical, sex pesty, sex obsessed man with no respect for you and no comprehension of appropriateness or boundaries.

Women don't act like this. But men aren't women anyway. And shit men are particularly shit at pretending to be women.