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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take the children to this party?

51 replies

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 29/06/2018 13:04

My DS's have been invited to a birthday party that is taking place tomorrow. My husband unexpectedly has the day off work, this rarely happens on a weekend. We'd like to go out for the day but i feel guilty about not sending the boys to their friends party. The same child had a party last weekend, which my boys did go to so wouldn't be taking a card or present to this second one (childs parents have split up and when mum said she was doing a party dad decided he wanted to do one also). So would ibu to text the dad tomorrow and send our apologies and spend the day with my husband?

OP posts:

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 29/06/2018 13:47

Jeeze, do what you want to do, they’re so young, you are in charge not the babies

BrexitWife · 29/06/2018 13:48

Hmm the other side of the story is .....
My dc has invited his friends to his b’day party butbthey have all cancelled one after the other despite actually saying yes.
Saying that they unfortunately need to do xxx. I think the nice weather means they’ve just planned something else :(

Having been in that situation and had to cancel the party for my ds, I’m now VERY weary of changing plans at the last minute. If you’ve committed yourself, then you have.

blackteasplease · 29/06/2018 13:48

I dont think Id have agree to the second party in the first place!

TakeMeToKernow · 29/06/2018 13:51

Put your own family first!

When they're bigger, there'll be nonstop commitments keeping you from actually being together as a five and relaxing. Take every chance you can get! X

Justwanttoweeinpeace · 29/06/2018 13:52

100% don't pull out of the party. You've accepted an invite, not cool to cancel at such short notice.

Eliza9917 · 29/06/2018 13:53

I'd go out as a family if it's so rare. They already been to one party for the kid, just enjoy your day out.

ItsThisOneThing · 29/06/2018 14:01

Ditch the party and spend time as a family! Sounds like it doesn't happen often. Be selfish and enjoy :)

Teggun · 29/06/2018 14:02

What sort of a party is it? (I can't imagine a 3 hour pres-school party...) Could you treat it as part of your family day and all go so you are still spending time altogether? Especially if its a soft play or bouncy castle type affair. You could then make an early exit ....

OrchidInTheSun · 29/06/2018 14:08

Brexit - I'm a big stickler for not cancelling invitations in favour of a better office. But a 3 hour party for a 3 year old who had a party last weekend is ridiculous

Original poster

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 29/06/2018 15:47

Yep 3 hours! The dad is being awkward, he didnt want to share a party like the mum suggested. The childs mum isn't even invited tomorrow, he's done it to try and 'one up' her. He's also told her any presents she gets aren't allowed to go home with her either. There will be lots of other children there i.e cousins and his friends children. All the nursery class were invited to both parties. We are going to take them and stay for an hour or so, none of the other children from nursery are going because they went last weekend. Now just to get over the fact we are going empty handed because she's already had her card and present.

OP posts:

Juells · 29/06/2018 18:39

What an arse. I definitely wouldn't go, knowing that.

Don't encourage him in his fuckery. 😁

Firenight · 29/06/2018 18:44

Also had people pulling last minute out of my daughters party because they have better plans suddenly. It’s not nice and I wouldn’t do it to others.

icelollycraving · 29/06/2018 18:58

I wouldn’t back out, I think that’s really bad form.
Personally I wouldn’t have accepted but you have so you should go.
Having people cancel because they had a better offer is upsetting for a lot of people not just children.

ThreeIsACharm · 29/06/2018 19:08

To be honest i would only have went to one.
A child only need one party and gift.
But I wouldn't know which party I would have went to. What a shitty thing for the dad to do. Putting all his child's friends in the middle of the parents fight.
I would go out tomorrow and have fun with my family.

Sailinghappy · 29/06/2018 19:11

Oh you sound like a really sweet person to accept this invite in the first place - I certainly wouldn't be celebrating the same child's birthday two weekends in a row with children that small. Don't feel bad, prioritise your family time and enjoy the sunshine ☀️

Original poster

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 29/06/2018 19:53

Well the baby hasn't been too great since a couple of hours after his jabs this afternoon, lots of crying and comfort feeding so if this continues we are unlikely to be going. Dh doesn't know anybody there at all and it is his idea of hell on earth so wouldn't want to take them alone. Fingers crossed he's better tomorrow so we can go and then take them for a nice bike ride around the lakes, otherwise its paddling pools in the garden for them.

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ilovvvvemud · 29/06/2018 20:13

I spent hundreds on a party last week ten children whose parents didn't even reply didn't turn up and ten children's whose parents said they where definitely coming didn't turn up.

It's all ass to just not turn up, I'll never do another party for my little girl again because of this.

People put a lot of effort into stuff like this.

RedSkyLastNight · 29/06/2018 20:18

I've also organised a party on a day that turned out to be unexpectedly good weather. I think we expected 12 to come and 4 did. About half didn't even bother to tell us they weren't going to come.

The politics of dad/mum and 2 parties aside, there's a small child at the centre of this, who will presumably be upset if everyone bails.

Firenight · 29/06/2018 21:05

I’ve just had another family cancel on me for tomorrow. Just hoping those who said they would will all show.

I know it’s a pain for the grown ups, but it’s a HUGE deal for preschoolers. My little girl has been looking forward to this for 6 months!

Original poster

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 29/06/2018 21:12

Firenight, i hope her party goes well.

Redsky, not letting you know they'd not be there is awful. I'd never not send a message.

As i said, as long as ds3 is better tomorrow they will definitely be going.

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Voice0fReason · 29/06/2018 21:13

I think it's a really crappy thing to do to not turn up to a party that you have already said yes to.

firawla · 29/06/2018 21:16

Considering you’ve already been to that child’s first party the previous weekend I think it’s fair enough to cancel tbh?

Shumpalumpa · 29/06/2018 21:20

Is party dad a twat? Why support him?

The kids are tiny, I wouldn't go.

BrexitWife · 29/06/2018 21:22

Dh doesn't know anybody there at all and it is his idea of hell on earth so wouldn't want to take them alone.

Really???
Sorry but the first few years at school (which is exactly what it is) I didn’t know people either. And it wasn’t my cup of read either. More my idea of hell.
However, I still went and took my dc. I’m sure your DH can cope with that too.

As a parent organising the event, I would see that as looking for an excuse to not go rather than a real excuse.

Original poster

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 29/06/2018 22:11

I take them to the parties as he's usually in work, the only person i will know there would be the childs dad and dh has never met him and doesnt even know who the little girl is. He would take them, there is a difference between not wanting to and actually not going, but on his one day off sitting in a concert room of a local cons club whilst people are drinking (yes there will be a bar open at the party) and lord knows how many toddlers are in party mode isn't really what he wanted to do.

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