Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or are childminders alright?

40 replies

likeacrow · 29/06/2018 07:41

Posting here for traffic, apologies.

Found a lovely (as far as you can ever tell) CM for DD to go to 2 days a week come Sept when she'll be 17 & 1/2 months. She's never been left with anyone other than me or DH for a full day (grandparents for afternoons only). She took a while to be okay left with grandparents but is happy as Larry to be left with them now. Doesn't give me a second glance when I leave!
I'm anxious and panicky about other people being able to do it "right" particularly where her naps are concerned as she's a blackout blind, needing quiet kind of kid.
Also know she'll be distraught at me leaving her to begin with.
Having a wobble and would massively appreciate some positive stories! I'm hoping that eventually she'll be as comfortable and happy to be left with CM as she is with her gps.

OP posts:
Original poster
likeacrow · 29/06/2018 07:42

(Happy for thread to be moved to diff location if appropriate. )

OP posts:
Brunsdon1 · 29/06/2018 07:44

Honestly my CM is an absolute gift from the bloody heavens

The kids love her ...shes no nonsense whilst at the same time being approachable and lovely

There might be some early transition but I can definately say I got a good one !!

NotUmbongoUnchained · 29/06/2018 07:47

She’ll be fine. My kids did a few months with a childminder before starting nursery. They had a great time even though they were there pretty long hours.

ineedaholidaynow · 29/06/2018 07:49

I assume you will do some settling in periods before September.

It is very daunting leaving your DC with someone else but many working parents have to. I know I had terrible wobbles before leaving DS at nursery but he loved it. He was a nap refuser at home, never got him to sleep in his cot in the day, only in his pram if we had been for a walk. Was quite happy to sleep in a cot in nursery! Don't know how they did it.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 29/06/2018 07:53

The only thing I would say is, try and be open to someone else doing it their way (assuming it works).

I’m a cm and sometimes have parents who don’t quite appreciate what it like to need to settle three children to sleep at once. I’ve had parents tell me I need to lay on the bed with their little one until they fall asleep. Just not possible with other children needing to be supervised. The child sleeps perfectly by herself here, mum on the other hand still lays with the child at home..... (she’s 2.6 so not a baby)

boboboobs1 · 29/06/2018 07:55

My CM was/is fantastic. The biggest plus for me was that due to the mix of ages (as opposed to being segregated at a nursery) DC1 was virtually potty trained by her (went 2/3 days a week) as he wanted to copy the older kids & he also knew how to act around babies for when DC2 arrived. I remember DC1 putting toys in one corner of the room, setting up the “baby zone” & then another section for him.

rockcakesrock · 29/06/2018 07:56

Ex-childminder here. What you are experiencing is very natural, but there are lots of ways that you can see if your child is happy with the carer.

Some children did kick off in the mornings as the parents left. I would tell the parent to go to the hall, slam the front door, but not go outside. That front door closing was like an off switch for most kids. For those that carried on fussing, it was good for the parent to hear how the child was passified.

Most of my charges eagerly put there hands out to me as they arrived, and were reluctant to,leave of a night. It is important not to be hurt by this or feel rejected. Just be grateful that you have a good childminder.

My older charges used to ask to come to me at the weekends. Not because I was so fantastic, but there was always so much going on at my house. Make friends with your childminder, be very fair with her and your child will thrive.

Singlenotsingle · 29/06/2018 07:57

Childminders are amazing. They have to do training, including safeguarding, their home gets visited and checked by Ofsted, they aren't allowed to put the TV on, all sorts of rules and regs. And in my experience, the mum is upset much more than the DC.

icklekid · 29/06/2018 07:58

My childminder is amazing. She had both if mine from 9 months. My ds took a long time to settle but he'd always been a fussy baby. My dd was fine from the start. Some days she doesn't nap as well as she would have at home but that's life. Some times at home she doesn't always get to nap perfectly because of having an older brother! It also means wrap around care for Dr starting school is sorted with someone he loves and knows well!

readyforapummelling · 29/06/2018 07:59

My DD is 16 months and has been going to her CM since Nov last year. She absolutely Loves it there, when I picked her up last night she screamed blue murder and it took me about 5 minutes to convince her to get in car seat without doing the "ironing board" impression.

She socialises with other children, does all kinds of messy play that I'm too scared to attempt at home, brings home lovely things that she has made (complete with laminated pictures of her making it) and seems to have come on loads since she started going.

They have a private Facebook page which they upload pics to so us parents can see how they are getting on (I had to give permission for this).

If you find the right CM that your LO feels comfortable in it's honestly a godsend. You should get a vibe on the settling in days.

Good luck!

NewYearNewMe18 · 29/06/2018 07:59

Rather a CM than a nursery in my experience.

Sheldonoscopy · 29/06/2018 08:01

My sons childminder is an absolute angel. Genuinely. He started a couple of months ago and he’s learned so much, has become so independent and speaks so much more. He’s nearly 2.
I’ve worked in nurseries my entire working life and I can tell you that it wouldn’t have been the right setting for my son- I’m disabled so send him for respite, and she picks up and drops off to help me.
She takes him on days with just an hours notice when I’m too poorly to cope, she has built an incredible relationship with my little angel and I don’t know what we’d do without her. Honestly.

I’m a massive convert. I thought kids were better off in a nursery setting where it’s regulated more, no animals, etc. But my ds loves his Childminder’s dog, and I have zero concerns. I feel like he’s better taken care of than he would be where I used to work

Keeptrudging · 29/06/2018 08:02

Both the childminders I've had have been brilliant. I chose a child minder rather than nursery as I wanted both my children to be in a home setting rather than a busy nursery. They were both very happy in that environment, out somewhere every day, got to play freely in the garden and socialised with the few other children there.

moofolk · 29/06/2018 08:06

My childminder was an absolute gift to my family. I see her as having been an integral part of my kids' early years and so if our family. I learnt loads from her and am pretty much still in awe of her as a woman. One of the most amazing humans I've ever met.

I think they good child minders and good foster carers have something very particular and special about them. Possibly something about an unsentimental yet caring attachment, I couldn't quite name it.

However obviously not all childminders would be this amazing but I'd always recommend over a nursery.

readyforapummelling · 29/06/2018 08:10

I agree about using a CM over a nursery. My Nan was nursery chef in a number of nurseries of the course of her life, she said there never seemed to be enough staff for the babies and she begged me not to send DD to one.

AornisHades · 29/06/2018 08:27

Our CM is great. We've used her for years. My youngest went through a wailing as I left patch but he got over that and loved going to her. She does some things differently to us but they were minor and it wasn't a problem.

lovelycuppateas · 29/06/2018 08:29

How lovely to see so many people appreciate childminders! Mine, too, was wonderful. I had to leave my baby there quite young and he trusted her and she was SO kind to him. As he grew up he played with other kids, got to know the people at the local shop, went to the park regularly, made stuff, read books, played music. She was brilliant. I'd really recommend it - nurseries can be great too, but I think when they are a bit older.

TeachesOfPeaches · 29/06/2018 08:33

I love my CMs (have 2 that work together) and they treat my son like family. He loves them too. Much cheaper than nursery and more flexible.

LML83 · 29/06/2018 08:34

My childminder is great, My son loves her and I completely trust her. He was in a nursery which was also good but for us being at childminder is like being at an aunties.
She has been childminding for 20 years, I don't give her any instructions about how naps work and accept she does what works for her and the other kids there and it's never been a problem. If he skips or has shorter naps he might go to bed 30 mins early not a big deal.

Heratnumber7 · 29/06/2018 09:01

Also know she'll be distraught at me leaving her to begin with

Don't be disappointed if she's not! The CM's house will look very interesting to her, with loads of new toys and children to play with. My DD never gave a backwards glance 😢

divadee · 29/06/2018 09:06

My daughter started a childminders last Sept aged 8 months. Our childminder is a slightly different set up as it's 2 childminders and a helper so they have about 8 children ranging from 7 months to nearly 5. It's like a very mini nursery but they are all in together. She loves it. I normally have to chase her to catch her to bring her home. She has learnt so much more from the older children than I could ever have replicated at home (her elder sister is 21!).

The arts and craft stuff they do I wouldn't attempt at home! And they get into a nursery routine kind of thing.

It will take a while to settle maybe. But when they have they will love it.

Original poster
likeacrow · 29/06/2018 09:34

Thanks so much for all the helpful and reassuring responses.

rockcakes I found your reply particularly helpful, thank you.

single they can put the tele on. It's even stayed in one of her policies that she'll let the children watch TV occasionally to wind down at the end of the day or when she's preparing a meal. I don't mind at all.

Heratnumber7 trust me, I know her and know what she's like in different situations. I can guarantee there'll be tears. Hopefully not forever though.

LML83 I'm not you. I'm not laid back like that. Her not napping would give me serious anxiety.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat yes I'm going to try really hard to let go a bit which is going to be quite difficult for me! I've said to her I'm not bothered how she gets her to nap, I'm just bothered that she does nap and at around the "right" time.

She's been v reassuring about it all (unlike the 2 previous childminders we visited) which is ultimately why I've decided to go with her.

OP posts:
LML83 · 29/06/2018 09:54

I realise you aren't me, and I am not laid back.

You can make suggestions to childminder but you can't be sure what works for you will work in another environment or that she can provide the same routine with other children there.

It's easier said than done but I would work on your anxiety over this.

Ohmydayslove · 29/06/2018 09:54

Bless you do t worry the Cm will try as much as possible to keel to your child’s routine. I was a Cm for 10 years and my minders called me auntie.... loved it. I felt like I was part of all their families and I still see them all now and again.

My hardest to settle girl screamed literally for a month if I put her down. She then settled and I had her for 2 years. She’s now 15 and the nicest most confident girl ever Grin

Don’t get too hung up on your dds routine op. They change so quickly anyway. Your dd will b fine. Cms are child care professionals and have seen it all before.

Heratnumber7 · 29/06/2018 10:07

like a row I think it's high time your child got used to being looked after by someone else. Think about how you'd cope in an emergency if you and she aren't confident about her being looked after by other people. What if you were ill/in hospital, or anything else.

And you need to get your head around the fact that some people will do things differently from the way you do things with your child. That doesn't make them wrong, just different.

Your child will get used to, for example, knowing that she has several short nap times at home, but only one longer one at the CM.

Children are incredibly accepting and adaptable.

Swipe left for the next trending thread