Or are childminders alright?

[likeacrow]

Posting here for traffic, apologies.

Found a lovely (as far as you can ever tell) CM for DD to go to 2 days a week come Sept when she'll be 17 & 1/2 months. She's never been left with anyone other than me or DH for a full day (grandparents for afternoons only). She took a while to be okay left with grandparents but is happy as Larry to be left with them now. Doesn't give me a second glance when I leave!
I'm anxious and panicky about other people being able to do it "right" particularly where her naps are concerned as she's a blackout blind, needing quiet kind of kid.
Also know she'll be distraught at me leaving her to begin with.
Having a wobble and would massively appreciate some positive stories! I'm hoping that eventually she'll be as comfortable and happy to be left with CM as she is with her gps.

On the routine issue I think it has to be a bit of both

My childminder was clear on what I wanted to achieve with DC ,she knew what parts of the routine were important and which could slide a little

Trust is important....now that I know her so well I'm pretty much happy for her to use her own judgement pretty much all the time
For example we got to the stage if needing to stop daytime naps as he wasn't sleeping at night....and she did...on the odd occasion she let him have half an hour but would tell me and that was fine because to be fair I was not the one with 5 children of varying ages when my ds2 was being a grumpy got because it had been a particularly strenuous day and he needed half an hour

On the flip side she knows not to do it on the days his dad will have him in the evening as it caused havoc

It's give and take...by all means set boundaries it is your child after all...but have enough flexibility that if you are trusting her to do childcare you have to trust she can make judgement calls as well

We love our childminder. She's had our eldest for almost 4 years now (he starts school in sept so will be leaving shortly) and our second for 2 years. She's like an extension of the family to the kids, they go there three days a week and love it. She is flexible, works with their routine, is proactive with potty training, responds to their likes/dislikes in food but doesn't pander to whims, she has been an absolute godsend.

My childminder is fantastic, they should let you go along for an hour or afternoon with your dd for her to get used to it

Our childminder is like another granny to our kids. I trust her 100% and although she doesn't perhaps looks as impressive on sport as some, she loves my kids and looks after them like her own which is all I could ask.

We had a previous CM and although I couldn't pin point any particular issues I just didn't feel completely comfortable with and always had a bit of a nibble at drop off time. We changed to our current one and have never had a doubt so just trust your gut.

As for the sleeping, your CM will try to follow your routine as much as possible but children often act completely different with different people or in different environments so what she needs when she is with you may not be what she needs when she is with the CM. My friend and I used to watch each other's kids and stared off with lists of "instructions" for each other but quickly realised that it was better to let each other work out what worked when we hadn't them.

Heratnumber7

like a row I think it's high time your child got used to being looked after by someone else. Think about how you'd cope in an emergency if you and she aren't confident about her being looked after by other people. What if you were ill/in hospital, or anything else.

I know. I've had nightmares about that very scenario!

She will be having settling in sessions yes.

I'm happy for the CM to work in her own way, it's just the nap thing I feel anxious about. That and her settling in/being happy to be left. I think she'll get there though as we've (hopefully) found a genuinely nurturing, caring CM.
Thanks for advice & help all.

Our CM was wonderful. She had some sort of special witchcraft type skills that got her mindees to sleep. My little girl used to refuse to sleep anywhere but in her own cot at home with blackout blinds (wouldn't sleep on a person, in a car or in a pram) but at the CM's house she would sleep in a room with other children that wasn't even dark, and when bigger on a sleep mat on the floor with other children which she thought was great fun. In a million years this would never happen at home. She used to cry leaving in the evening because she was having too much fun! She was also brilliant when it came to potty training, and generally a very gentle and patient type of person which really made her mindees calm and happy. I don't think my daughter would have been nearly as happy at nursery in the early days as she was with the CM.

My parents are CMs that work together and I work with them occasionally if one needs the day off.

Naps are always the biggest concern new parents have. They may have to figure out their own way to do it if they have multiple children needing naps simultaneously but they will always try to accommodate as much as they can without compromising other children’s needs. Most of them end up finding their own rhythm and it hasn’t impeded with the parents way of doing things.

There is something so lovely about the family/home setup and if you’re anxious then a CM is definitely better than a nursery setting. My DDs nursery didn’t do naptime at all for any of the children from 2 onwards.

When we had our first baby, I assumed she'd go to a nursery when I went back to work, because ... well, I thought that's what you did. I thought nursery was the preferred (better) option.

Then I did some research and realised we couldn't afford a nursery where we lived! (South-west London - nappy valley ...) So I started looking at childminders. It took a while to find the right person, in fact I delayed my return to work for a couple of months, but the childminder we ended up with was pure gold. She was just amazing and the minute I met her I knew she was right. My daughter was 13 months old when she started, and she settled in very happily. She was also spoilt rotten by the childminder's lovely children, who were then aged 5 and 9. They were a lovely family and really made my daughter feel at home.

Knowing what I know now, I would personally choose a childminder every time over nursery for a child under 2

What in particular is it about her naps that makes you anxious?

My childminder is brilliant. DD started going there when she turned 1 and although less hours now, still goes (she will be 4 in September). I found the childminder got her to nap far better than I ever could! She soon settled into the regular routine and all the children had a post lunch nap. The benefits of a good childminder, flexibility, the chance to make friends with other small children (she is also now mother hen to the babies), her confidence grew, she gets to go out to playgroups/days out so has a far better social life than me. She is looked after by someone she has developed a genuine bond with and treats her as one of her own. It is a bit scary when your lo first goes to someone outside family but if you've done your research I genuinely wouldnt worry

I would agree very much with this:

You can make suggestions to childminder but you can't be sure what works for you will work in another environment or that she can provide the same routine with other children there.

Sometimes children take surprisingly well to a change in routine when the whole setting is different. So while they may require the exact same routine with you (because they're used to the idea that that's what happens when mummy is around), they may be far less fussy with somebody else.

And though it may seem upsetting at the time, learning to cope with slight changes in routine is actually a life skill: it will make visiting other people and eventually the transition to school far, far easier.

We ended up using three different childminders, not because there was anything wrong with any of them, but for simple logistic reasons. All were excellent and we always felt very safe leaving dc with them.

My DD is 30 next year and she and I still think very fondly of "Hildie" who had her full time from 8 weeks old to a year and "Kathy" who had her full time after that until she was 5. Two wonderful women who helped raise my DD at a time when paid maternity leave was just 3 months and I had no other support.

I hope OP that in 30 years time you'll be able to say the same!

Mine loves his. I wanted to find someone who we could call friends, So he thinks of them as extended family I think. I've made a good friend for myself too! He is going to preschool this Sept and she is gutted to be losing him but we are still going to meet up on a weekend every now and then

We have an amazing cm and have learned that as far as routine is concerned, there will be pressure points and compromise needed as obviously they have other children's routines to work around too. So, although we've had to relinquish a bit of 'control' in this respect, it's worth it for the right cm. And you also soon learn that children are actually very resilient and won't break if someone else does things slightly differently. They learn to cope, which is actually a good life skill! A good cm is worth their weight in gold. Ours is like Mary Poppins, so our dc have been with for 7 years (and my DSDs before them!) She does loads with them that I wouldn't think of doing and they totally love her. Our only concern now is how they're going to feel when we do eventually have to take them away from her (at secondary school).