Aibu to think teen ds will never hug me ever again??

[cakedup]

Ds(13) was always a very affectionate 'mummy's boy'. Lots of hugs, kisses, love you mum, love notes and sleeping in my bed.

Then he changed overnight. Literally.

I always thought I'd be a 'cool' mum. But no, I am the most embarassing mum ever. No more cuddles or sweet talk. Literally went from rugby tackling me with affection when I arrived home to 'hi' shouted through his closed bedroom door if I'm lucky.

So, ok, he is growing up, I tried to be reasonable about it. Even when for the first time ever for mothers day he did not get me a card or even give me a hug.

But aibu when sometimes I feel a bit hurt? For example he went away on a school trip the other evening. He did not even look up from the coach to wave bye. I saw other children in his class who were not embarassed to stand near their parents, or to give them a hug goodbye. I always thought ds would be one of those kids. We've always been so close I thought.

I know I'm being silly and shouldn't take it personally. But sometimes I just feel a pang of heartbreak and I can't help that.

I don't think there was anything wrong with telling him you were hurt that he didn't mark mothers day.

Mines the same.

'Muuuuum - shhhhhhhh'
'mum just drop me off here'
'Don't call me that - say my proper name'
'🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄'
'just pretend you're not with me'
'what were you saying to Fred??!!!'

I still get hugs though . usually when I'm carrying laundry, cooking, or (last week) stupidly sun burned.

This will change, I promise you.

My older brothers changed as teenagers, but when they reached 18+ they were proud to hug my mother in front of friends and call her mummy! Still are and they are in their 30s!

We got into the same non-tactile pattern about a year ago with ds who's 14. At first I thought it was most important that he kept his own autonomy. But I got worried about it and decided it's especially important to change this for teenagers - I want him to know for sure that he is physically lovable and not let him distance himself completely. I don't overdo it (I hope) but I insist on kissing his head before he goes to school (if he can bend down far enough), kissing his ear before bed (usually aiming for his cheek) and about twice a month I will announce 'incoming hug' and give him a short but assertive and enthusiastic squeeze around the shoulders. He will sometimes come and sit next to me on the sofa and he knows if that happens I will rub his feet. This may not seem much but when dh died I felt it was absolutely vital to keep the thread of physical affection alive.

DS1 is 14, if I am lucky I sometimes get a fist bump.

Despite that I know he does still care what I think about him and does want me to listen to him (provided I don't expect him to remove his headphones).

Teenage boys 'go away for a bit' at that age.
He'll come back, don't worry x

My two brothers were the most miserable teenagers you could imagine. My poor mum (having to deal with me as well - I wasn't much better!). And she had all three as teenagers at once.

But we are now the most affectionate adults ever with our parents. Always giving them hugs and kisses and telling them we love them.

You will get through this, and I'm sure he will come out the other end more affectionate than you could ever imagine going from what you've said

My daughter has gone through this stage and we had always been huggy and tactile so I found it really odd.

I’ve let it be and just accepted it as a part of growing up but recently she’s been oddly leaning on me here and there or popping her head on my shoulder. It’s been a couple of years of ‘less hugs’ but I’m getting more of them again 😊

It comes back.

My DS was the same, but once he reached 19 he started giving me lots of hugs.

I felt like this when my older 2 sons got to about 13/14.
It will return they are 20 and 21 now and I get cuddles again so don’t worry they do come back to being affectionate it just takes a couple of years.

I would let the phase pass. My mum used to force me to hug her, even pinning me down to kiss me at that age. I don’t like being tactile now. She thought it was funny when I protested. He’s his own person. If he doesn’t want to kiss and hug you, he shouldn’t be forced to. Wouldn’t it mean more if he did it when he wanted to?

My 17yo has come through the other side. He's not huggy (never was after about 4 yo) but he's chatty, has news to share, opinions to give and advice to ask again now, after a couple of years of grunting.

His 15 yo brother OTOH....

Mines similar - I saw on here once a recommendation for a book 'Get out my life but first take me and alex to town' - I haven't read it, but just the title made me think 'yep thats my boy' -

Thanks everyone, it's so reassuring similar stories.
annandale yes I've been thinking along the same lines and wondering if it would be ok to force the odd quick hug every now and again.

This will pass and he will come back to you

My daughter has gone through this stage and we had always been huggy and tactile so I found it really odd.

I’ve let it be and just accepted it as a part of growing up but recently she’s been oddly leaning on me here and there or popping her head on my shoulder. It’s been a couple of years of ‘less hugs’ but I’m getting more of them again 😊

Haha! Does he grunt at you too?😀

Fear not. I had two such sons. They came back aged 18/19. They both hug me all the time now. In fact the younger one can be a bit of a pain!

I'm not allowed to hug or kiss my 10 year old ds in public (although it's still ok at home for now)!

Id at least be pretending to forget the ungrateful little sod's birthday

When he's grown up a bit it becomes a thing with a lot of boys to be ostentatiously loving of their mothers in front of their friends - he'll come back! Just remember that when you're a teenager EVERYTHING is mortifying and a source of hideous dread. It's not you personally!

My daughter was the same. Didn't last. Like everything else, it's just a phase and will pass.

Really advise you don't force affection, it will prolong it. Respect his boundaries and he'll naturally fall back into a pattern he feels comfortable with.

I've got three teenage sons and this is normal don't worry . I kiss them all on the head when I say goodbye / goodnight but the hugs don't happen often . I tell them I love them every day . My youngest says it back but that's it .

My 19 year old split with his GF briefly last year and he ran to my room looking for me and cried on my shoulder . He wanted a hug then!!!

As so many others have said, it's a phase. My two stepsons are 24 and 19, and they've always been tactile and affectionate, except for a while early-mid teens. Give them time and they'll be fine!

You are lucky to get a hi though the door! I get ignored or a grunt, followed quickly by ‘what’s for tea’ muttered at me if I’m lucky.
I do still tell him I love him, and that he was the cutest baby ever, and rib him saying I’m going to hold his hand if he ever comes out with me in public again. He does give a small hugs, but a bit reluctantly.