Aibu to think teen ds will never hug me ever again??

[cakedup]

Ds(13) was always a very affectionate 'mummy's boy'. Lots of hugs, kisses, love you mum, love notes and sleeping in my bed.

Then he changed overnight. Literally.

I always thought I'd be a 'cool' mum. But no, I am the most embarassing mum ever. No more cuddles or sweet talk. Literally went from rugby tackling me with affection when I arrived home to 'hi' shouted through his closed bedroom door if I'm lucky.

So, ok, he is growing up, I tried to be reasonable about it. Even when for the first time ever for mothers day he did not get me a card or even give me a hug.

But aibu when sometimes I feel a bit hurt? For example he went away on a school trip the other evening. He did not even look up from the coach to wave bye. I saw other children in his class who were not embarassed to stand near their parents, or to give them a hug goodbye. I always thought ds would be one of those kids. We've always been so close I thought.

I know I'm being silly and shouldn't take it personally. But sometimes I just feel a pang of heartbreak and I can't help that.

Ds1 is 12.5. I get cuddles when he wants to delay going to bed and first thing Sat morning when I want to sleep. He is totally embarrassed by me but pretends not to be so as to not hurt my feelings. This is somehow worse.

As PPs have said, it’s a normal phase of adolescence. Young teens are trying to separate from parents, bond with their peer group, and establish romantic relationships.
At that hormone fuelled age, any physical contact tends to be interpreted as sexual, therefore utterly inappropriate with a parent. Young lads also suffer from involuntary erections at frequent intervals, and are often embarrassed and trying to conceal them, which is difficult if mum is trying to hug them!
Give some space, keep communication open, and accept the inevitable that they are growing up. In a few years, the worst will be over and you will have an affectionate young adult instead of a difficult moody teen.

Mine are all still really huggy at 14 15 and 26 so it does not have to happen but it is something that happens a lot. He should come back OP

Yes Busybusybust he does grunt and also very long 'ugh's.

This cheered me up. it is exactly what happened to DS!

Ds1 stayed buggy. Still is. Others were like yours op but can’t back

No harm in you patting his back though or a quick hand squeeze

Same here too.
Very affectionate with my son (single parent, one child).
Became a teen and barely acknowledged me in public.

Now he is 20 he will hug me at appropriate times quite happily. He isn’t overly demonstrative but I certainly get attention and conversation. Just been to CenterParcs and he was having a laugh with me in the pool and lots of physical contact.

It comes back.... when they need cash or a lift.
Ds1 is 16 and just gave me a massive bear hug 'just coz' minutes later he casually mentioned he is out of Xbox live and can he please borrow £15

Totally normal but sad as a mother

My DS (14) went off hugs a year ago. Then he got seriously ill. And wanted hugs.

As lovely as the hugs are, I’d rather not have them. It’s because he was insecure and unwell. He’s on the mend now and they are decreasing. Part of me is sad but a big part is joyous as he gets back to normal.

I showed the Kevin clip to DS and he just said in his monotone voice "funny" and walked off!

Babdoc I do remember feeling like that with my dad actually, who I lived with. I almost felt repulsed when he would be affectionate with me - not that it was in any way intentionally inappropriate whatsoever but it just felt gross at the time. Unfortunately, it went on for so long and we fell out so much during my teen years that even when we reconciled, it felt too awkward to start the physical affection again. Having said that, we do kiss/quick hug hello and goodbye.

It's just a phase -he'll grow out of it. Mum of two adult sons age 29/19.
If they thought it would get a laugh, would both try and sit on my knee hold my hand in public etc. They are quite mad.

He can choose whether or not to hug you, but I would have been hurt at the mother's day thing, and would have told him so.

He's old enough to know that his actions have consequences.

My 19 year old split with his GF briefly last year and he ran to my room looking for me and cried on my shoulder . He wanted a hug then!!! laurely is it really hard to see your child's heart broken like that?

He should have got you a mother’s dsy card or acknowledge the day. That would have hurt me.

Taffeta aww...yes, I should feel glad that he doesn't need my physical affection, it is a good sign I suppose.

Newsofas and hellosummer12 yes it was quite hurtful but I could tell he felt quite embarrassed by the whole mother's day thing. I feel prepared for next time, even though I think now he'll probably get a reminder by my sister who saw how sad I was about it. On the other hand...he'll show gratitude in other ways which I guess is better than forcing it on a specific day. For example when I finish cleaning, he'll thank me.

DS is 18yo and he's always been fairly huggy ( I except this to vanish when he gets a girlfriend though)

He sits is bony arse on my lap, puts his arms round my head to hug me and does THE most puppydog eyes when there's Yorkshire Puddings going

Mine wouldn't hear the end of it if there was no Mothers Day Cards though.

Chocolate summed it up in the very first reply.

Most teens go through a spell when it is embarrassing to be seen anywhere near your parent - don't take it personally. They come out the other side. my ds is big on hugs now, and has been for some years.

@Furball - it is a great book :-)

Same here. I have twin sons who are just 16 and still in that phase, although they do shout 'bye Mum, love you' when they go out to school now.

I miss the affection, both receiving and also being permitted to give it.

I figure/hope they'll come back to it eventually if I don't push it.

As others have said, the hugginess disappears for a bit, but it comes back.

All my three stopped hugging me around 13 or 14, but started again around 17 or so - and still do! Grown up sons give the best hugs

It's a stage teenage boys need to go through, separating themselves from their mothers, but it doesn't mean they don't love you.

I used to keep offering hugs when they were going through that stage, just so they knew one was available if they wanted it, but accepting with good grace if they didn't. It's important to keep being affectionate with them throughout the teenage years, even if it's just a pat on the shoulder or a ruffle of their hair.

He'll be back as affectionate as ever within a few years.

He'll come back to you, honest. I remember feeling heartbroken when mine went through that stage. But, it is a stage and the big bear hugs you'll get in the future, will more than make up for it.

DS also doesn't like to walk with me anymore. Always a few steps in front.

Grown up sons give the best hugs DramaAlpaca I think you're right. Although it's important to accept his boundaries, I think the odd quick affectionate touch keep those lines of physical affection open.

He is coming back from his school trip tomorrow night, having been away for 3 nights. I am going to have to really restrain myself from giving him a massive welcome back hug!