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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cut My Nose To Spite My Face Now Miserable and Lonely

74 replies

WokeUpWithAHeadache · 28/06/2018 15:20

I posted a while ago (under a different name) about DP asking for lift so he could meet & have lunch with his sister while I waited outside for a few hours.

We ended up having an argument about something else which resulted in me shouting ‘ BTW I never changed my name to UBER find your own way to your lunch ‘ - not my finest moment.

He realised his mistake & said he never intended to make me feel like that.

The lunch is/was today and his Dsis changed the plans to them playing a sport they both enjoy this afternoon and then a BBQ this evening to watch the football. I could drive over for the BBQ.
I said no.
It was never about him spending time with her (which I encourage) it was sitting in the car & waiting whilst they got pissed.

He left this morning. I’m bored now.

AIBU to have a Magnum & glass of rose now to console myself?

OP posts:

crispysausagerolls · 28/06/2018 16:57

OP what type of takeaway will you go for?

WillowRose79 · 28/06/2018 16:57

Can you still go? Be nice for you to spend time with his sister esp if shes not here very often

Original poster

WokeUpWithAHeadache · 28/06/2018 17:00

Dominoes I think

All the bad salami etc (no chicken or beef ) extra onions, peppers & definitely pineapple.

Straight from the greasy box. & will do for breakfast if I don’t scoff the lot tonight

OP posts:

wagil · 28/06/2018 17:02

I don't have a clue what to say that would be of any help, apart from your ex sounds like someone you're well rid of.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 28/06/2018 17:07

I remember your other thread. You are most definitely not hard work! Your DH was selfish and unreasonable then and I suspect he's invited you to the BBQ so you can drive him home.

Do you have any other friends you can tap up for company and watch the match with?

gamerchick · 28/06/2018 17:12

Tell your ex that the furniture and dog are his problem. Also tell your son he doesn't have a choice to come to live at yours for the minute and if he's insisting then find out the number for his local social services to tell them his dad is abandoning him in a couple of weeks and he doesn't know what to do. They'll be able to help.

Your ex and current bloke are arses and you need to start asserting yourself and not be so helpless at the things going on.

gamerchick · 28/06/2018 17:12

Your ex and current bloke are arses and you need to start asserting yourself and not be so helpless at the things going on.

crispysausagerolls · 28/06/2018 17:16

Make sure you get garlic and herb dip 💖

ReanimatedSGB · 28/06/2018 17:17

You really, really need to get over your whinyarse streak. People do not exist purely to pay attention to you. If you carry on sulking, pouting, overthinking and expecting everyone to not only read your mind but prioritize you at all times, you will end up lonely.

crispysausagerolls · 28/06/2018 17:18

Make sure you get garlic and herb dip 💖

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/06/2018 17:18

Christ words fail me. How can you just up and run like that? Your ex really did see all of you as accessories. What an arsehole?

Your poor ds. And dog. So you used to live where your ds lives. What does your ds want to do, has he asked if he can stay with one of his friends parents and you take the dog in? As for the furniture, maybe just leave what you don’t want and store the rest in the short term?

I hope your current partner is being more supportive. I would have thought under the circumstances he’d have wanted you to go to the bbq.

ReanimatedSGB · 28/06/2018 17:20

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/06/2018 17:20

Wtf Reanimated. I know I posted a similar more jokey message to the op. But that was before she said about her ds.

magoria · 28/06/2018 17:25

Did he want you to drive over and join the BBQ so that then you could drive back while he merrily got drunk with his DS?

Maybe slightly more inclusive of you however still expecting you to Uber him back?

All you can do is be there for your DS. Easy to say I know. He made his choices. Eventually he will see you were there for him while his dad fucked off with his new girlfriend and abandoned him after getting him all excited about the idea of going with him.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 28/06/2018 17:29

The kid comes to you. At 16 what choice does he Have? What it must it be like that he'd choose homelessness??

Original poster

WokeUpWithAHeadache · 28/06/2018 17:34

I sold my car because I needed the money & recently DS has needed me more than anything so I get the train whatever time of the day.
Ex is a complete wanker. He tried to strangle me once & when I got away he grabbed me on the stairs.

But I’m strong now . He’ll never crush me.

Definitely going to request extra garlic & herb dip

Sorry for being a Debbie downer. Life is sometimes very hard but feel it’s important to remember tomorrow is another day & remember all the people who are having hard times 💐

OP posts:

SarahLove · 28/06/2018 17:44

Hello!

I remember the story, it was a bit silly to expect you to sit in the car! I'm glad you talked (loudly but that's ok, communication is important) to DP about it and it sounds as if he reacted really well.

Enjoy your evening and when he gets home tell him thank you for understanding, inviting you, then kiss and make up and leave it behind you:)

SarahLove · 28/06/2018 17:49

Hello!

I remember the story, I'm glad you spoke (ok loudly, but still communicating) to DP about it. He seems to have responded really well, I'm happy to hear that.

Can you go join the BBQ now, or after you've eaten? You were invited and I'm sure they'd be happy to see you, DP invited you after all!

If not, enjoy your evening, then when he gets home tomorrow give him a big hug, ask how it was and remember he is on your side:)

onefootinthegrave · 28/06/2018 18:31

Reaminated isn't worth giving a second thought to OP.

I never read your first thread, but it's a liberty that your OH used to expect you to sit and wait in the car while he & his sister had a good time. He should have invited you along too.

As for your ex DP, what a wanker. Can you persuade your son to come and stay with you until he had can get somewhere else sorted nearer to where he is now? Would he want to bring the dog with him? If not, tell your ex the dog is his responsibility.

Sorry I can't be much more help but you don't have to be sorry for being fed up. We all feel like that from time to time!

Arum51 · 28/06/2018 18:35

@Wokeupwithaheadache

Are you in England? If so, your son is entitled to accommodation by social services. It's called the "Southwark Judgement" or "Southwark Rules". Under Section 20 of the Children Act, homeless children are entitled to housing from social services (not housing services). Usually, this is with their families. However, once they are 16, they can place themselves into the care of the local authority under Southwark. DS can go an live in supported accommodation, either flats for young people or foster carers who deal with older children. He will also have a social worker, be entitled to additional help at school/college, and there will be regular meetings to make sure that everything is going as planned.

They may pull a fast one, and offer him accommodation under Sec 7 of the Housing Act. While they'll dress this up as "You'll still get somewhere to live, and you don't want a social worker hanging about, eh?" RESIST! He's only 16. He needs the extra support that Sec 20 can offer him. And Sec 20 kids tend to have far more accommodation options than under Sec 7.

I know "going into care" sounds awful, but he gets to keep his friends, education /work placement, etc etc. All that stuff is more crucial to his age than seeing your face every day. As long as you love and support him, and remain involved in his life (go to LAC Review meetings etc) it works very well. And if he's a uni candidate, he will be eligible for at least some money off his fees!

As for the rest of the furniture, if there's nothing you want, tell him to bugger off. The dog is his responsibility.

Original poster

WokeUpWithAHeadache · 28/06/2018 18:47

@Arum51 - thank you , thank you. Your advice , as everyone’s, is invaluable. I had no idea about anything like this & I’m on it now.

I popped round to a neighbour & we had a good chinwag & it was great to chat to someone. I’m usually quite shy so felt good to invite myself round & be assertive

OP posts:

Arum51 · 28/06/2018 19:16

@WokeUpWithAHeadache

Glad to hear you're a bit chirpier!

With the Southwark thing, it depends on where DS lives, but you will probably have to be firm. No, you cannot have him to live with you. You have never been resident parent. He doesn't get on with DP. Moving will disrupt his education and social network. Blah blah, but just refuse, point blank. The fact is, he doesn't want to move in with you. If he's forced to, it will all turn to ratshit pretty quickly, particularly as you're down, and having relationship problems. Let him stay where he's happy, with you to support when necessary. Hopefully, he'll be allocated a nice foster mum that you get on with, and he'll be fine.

Remember, you have them over a barrel. Under the law, as a homeless 16 year old, he is the LA's responsibility.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 29/06/2018 17:02

I read the other thread and didn’t see the issue with driving him to see a family member that he rarely gets to see. Now you’ve been invited to drive up for the BBQ and he will make his own way there and back and there is still an issue with you? Just enjoy the time at home alone that you said would be preferable to sitting alone in the car or going for a drive.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 29/06/2018 17:09

In regards to your son, he either lives with you until he can get sorted closer to where he is now or you let the social devices deal with it. Now is not the time for him to be choosey and insisting you sort him somewhere close to where he is now.

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