Is this lady my friend?

[ArabellaMontana]

Met a lady through baby groups etc she does seem nice etc we have ended up with a lot of friends in common BUT she continually gets my name wrong despite me telling her numerous times.
I know she spells it's wrong as she is one of those people who use your name a lot in WhatsApp messages so she is pronouncing it as she spells it but it's wrong and I have told her three times now.

It's really making me dislike her. AIBU?

Also her daughter hurt my child at the park one day it was an accident and kids do stuff all the time but she didn't message me to ask how she was... and the other two friends we were with at the time did! This has sent alarm bells ringing.

This person doesn't give a shit about me does she?

Im, it's rude of her not to remember your name. I would just tell her - for example 'hi friend , my name is Amy by the way, not Aimee as you've spelt it a few times '

As for the incident with your children, this kind of thing happens a lot with young kids and if I had seen the child was okay after the accident, I might not send a text later as well. I wouldn't take this one too personally.

I don't think it means she doesn't give a shit about you. I have a very good friend who has an unusual foreign name which everyone pronounces how it is written. A couple of years ago, after everyone calling her by this name for the past 8 years she announced that it was actually pronounced differently. Its hard to remember to call someone something different when you're used to saying it a particular way.

At the same time another friend announced that she no longer wanted people to use her actual name but wanted people to call her something different. That's really tricky to do consistently too, particularly since her DH isn't having any of it and just uses her real name.

So yes she should make an effort to pronounce your name properly but the fact that she slips doesn't mean she doesn't give a shit about you.

Need more information...

Is your name unusual in the UK?
Is English her first language?
Does she do this with others in the group or just you?

I have an unusual first name, I find I often have to tell people how to pronounce or spell it multiple times. I'm so use to it that I don't even think about it most of the time.

However if your name is common in the UK with a common spelling then I would find it rude that she can't get it right.

Whilst it is an unusual not British name it is pronounced exactly how it is spelt I.e Calling someone called Sanjay Sinjay instead

The name thing is really awkward, maybe she's just scatty and bad with names.

The incident with her child accidentally hurting your child, your child recovering after the moment and the play date carrying on as normal sounds pretty standard and wouldn't really need a text later to make sure your child is okay, I feel you're being a little bit precious about that.

Maybe start ending your replies to texts/WhatsApp's with your name so that she sees it often and might realise her error.

My mum does this, constantly pronounces certain names wrong no matter how many times she’s corrected. She just can’t seam to get them right. No malice.

I'm 45 with an unusual first name. No one pronounces or spells it right. Pisses me off but I also get no one has ever heard if it before.

It's the way she is. She's probably the same with everyone. You need to decide if she is ok generally and whether you like her enough to remain friends. Some people are considerate and some not so but it doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't give a shit about you.

Seamus - play date didn't carry on as normal as I had to take my child home to remove the mud that was glued into both her eyes! As couldn't get it out at park...

I’ve got a name that can be spelt two different ways. My friend spells it the other way. We text eachother very regularly. She doesn’t notice that I text her back with the correct way. I think it’s funny tbh and cut her some slack because I’m rubbish with names. I’m also chronically ill, which makes it worse. Almost to the point where I could forget my own name. You’re assuming that she has the same capacity to recall names as you and that it’s deliberate. She may just be good at other things and crap at names like me.

As for hurting your child, maybe she’s embarrassed or maybe she didn’t realise your child was as hurt or another reason. Yes, perhaps she couldn’t give two hoots about you but you’re not giving us enough to work on tbh.

Getting someone's name wrong on multiple occasions, means that the person getting it wrong, isn't listening. Not listening, means they're uninterested. It's ignorant. The text about kids is a bit over the top, seeing as no medical intervention was needed. Personally, I'd just let her carry on in her ignorance. Don't sweat the small stuff.

DH is famous for this. He has a friend called Alistair. Every time he emails him, sends a birthday/xmas card etc he puts Alasdair. He also calls NDN variously Arlene, Eileen, Aileen or Irene at complete random, when her actual name is Elaine. I have reminded him endlessly but he has some sort of blind spot.

We have a short and common surname, which is also often spelled with an 's' on the end. Ours is without. People pronounce it and spell it wrong all the time. Drives me potty.

My own father got my second daughter's name wrong for 4 years!

I was extremely close to a foreign exchange student in highschool whose name no one could pronounce correctly, including myself.

I tried multiple times and she just said to pronounce it in the same incorrect way that everyone else did.

She really helped me through a very difficult time, I wish I could track her down to thank her for it.

So it's impossible for me to give an unbiased opinion on your situation. Sorry.

YANBU. Calling someone by their actual name is the most basic sign of respect. If you’ve brought it up with her and she keeps doing it she is being ignorant and frankly rude.

If you want to try one last time go for it. Send a message saying ‘hi friend, every time you use my name you say/spell it incorrectly. It’s correct name’ and see what she says.

When you say you've told her 3 times - how have you told her? in passing orally or in writing or have you told her directly that this is an issue for you?

People may have all kinds of personal issues that make this kind of thing difficult including dyslexia and hearing problems.

The thing I find with the Unusual Name Brigade who complain about this type of thing is that they rarely take the time to explain to someone what their name is and how exactly it is pronounced. It's more like a rushed and embarassed mumble "it's not Sara it's Sarah" and hurrying on to the next topic.

If it is unusual or difficult, it is worth taking time over at the beginning when you first meet someone or early on and doing it clearly and slowly with an illustration. Kinda like this:

My name is Micah - its pronounced Mee-kah - like meek as in shy with an A and not like Mike/

but people rarely do this as I said because they get embarrassed about it. Just own it.

If it happens again, just correct it clearly and explain it matters to you. Plenty of people don't really get bothered about Sara/Sarah type pronounciations so it's not that odd for someone to think they are getting it right if not corrected.

I have a friend who pronounces some of our mutual friends' names wrong. It's like she has a kind of blindness to it; she just can't tell that she's pronouncing/spelling it differently from other people, or maybe she thinks THEY'RE doing it wrong.

I can totally see that it's really annoying, and could feel disrespectful, but I promise that fact alone doesn't make this woman a thoughtless person. I'm not saying she isn't, but I think don't let this one thing colour your judgement of every one of her actions.

Is it like Lindsey and Lindsay? Names are a tough one IMO - i would just keep telling her shes saying it wrong.

WRT the daughter hurting your child - did she apologise there and then? If so, then i think you might be looking for reasons to dislike her because she gets your name wrong...

My dh mispronounces words and people's names ALL the time. When he's corrected he'll try to say it again correctly. It can take him several attempts to get it right. Then the next time he uses that word or name he'll get it wrong again. No malice involved at all

This is my worse nightmare. Im dyslexic and tbh you wouldnt know apart from names. If i get thename wrong the first time thats it no what whats said to me. Its hell. I have a neice with a hard to say name andim still struggling almost ten years later with it. In my group of friends i have a lovely lady whois foreign and ive struggled with her and her ds name.i hope she doesnt think im rude but ive not called her by her name or sons name for a year now. Ido a general chat. Eg. He looks like hes really enjoying that. Hes so cute etc. Please give her the benefit of doubt here. Also really helps if you mention your name alot just in passing.

I once worked with an Alyson rather than an Alison and the boss always emphasised the Y - so Aly-sun rather than Alice-son. Friend hated it but just rolled her eyes.

@Polly...i wish you knew what it waslike struggling to get the name right. My mouth womt say what my brain wants to say.

@nobody. I wish it was that simple. I can have the name repeated back to me 1000 times and copy the person and still say it wrong.

I have even had members of my own family tell me I am spelling and pronouncing my own name wrong!

She might just be a bit insensitive.