To ask for advice on getting a little present for a four year old autistic boy

[LaDilettante]

I wasn’t sure where to post and hoping to get some advice here. There’s a little boy who is autistic in my DD’s nursery group who turned four a few days ago. His parents brought a cake and some party bags and all the kids celebrated his birthday at nursery.

This little boy was invited to my DD’s birthday party but didn’t turn up at the last minute because he was having a bit of a bad day. My DD still got a card and birthday present from him later on. So I kind of want to return the favour and because my DD often talks about him and says he’s her friend, I just think it’d be nice to get him a little something.

For background, he seems to be in his own little world so doesn’t really communicate with other people but I’m pretty sure he says some random words sometimes. He likes music and it’s often used to soothe him when he gets a bit agitated. And he seems quite fascinated by letters and numbers as in he likes to play and manipulate the wooden ones.

Any idea of what I could get him?

Lego Creations!

I wish every child with autism had allies like you.

Do you know what he is in to particularly?

what interests him? Lego would mean nothing to my son(he has autism and learning disabilities ) music though he loves ,paticularly taylor swift it seems, he also loves playing with water, and string, and blu tac ,ask his m7m?

Wilkinson’s have nice wooden toys. Maybe a jar of wooden threading beads.

mum*

If its wooden letters he likes, what about a set of wooden letters or the numbers set in the frequently bought section?

My son has just turned 5 and sounds pretty similar to the boy you have described. He is also autistic.

I agree that Lego would mean nothing to my son and he wouldn’t be interested at all.

Like another poster put my son also loves string, water, putty(but this can be messy) and sensory toys. The entertainer have a range of squishy type sensory toys that are normally £1-£3, I got my son an egg splat from there any he loves it. its only £1! It’s clear with a yellow ball in it for the yolk and squishy.

One of the best presents my son had for his birthday was the toy story slinky dog from argos. I think its £9.99 or 2 for £15 if that’s within your budget. www.argos.co.uk/product/9149065
He loves it.

Or other things my son likes is bubbles so he had a bubble gun/machine.

I think it’s a really nice thing your doing. A lot of people forget about the child with disabilities.

I thought it might have these type of wooden letters already as he likes to look at the ones they have at nursery. Threading beads might be an option. Thanks finova.

I was also looking at something like this: www.wilko.com/en-uk/bunchems-bugs-bestioles-creation-pack/p/0448342.

I thought it might have these type of wooden letters already as he likes to look at the ones they have at nursery. Threading beads might be an option. Thanks finova.

I was also looking at something like this: www.wilko.com/en-uk/bunchems-bugs-bestioles-creation-pack/p/0448342.

What about a tub of magnetic letters. I think you can get wooden ones now.

Magnets might be a problem if he has any tendency to eat things he shouldn't. I'd stick to wood.

My boy liked kites at this age. He also liked bins, balls , bubbles and play dough ( easy to make , maybe bag up the ingredients so he can make it with his Mum ? Obviously without the water!!)
How lovely of you to think of him. You will probably make the Mum cry with your kindness and she will be forever grateful.

Thank you backinthatdress, I hadn’t thought of a bubble machine and it’s easy to find at the moment as it’s summer. The slinky dog is a great idea too if there’s a bubble machine shortage in the shops

And I too wish people didn’t forget about the child with disabilities or the adults for that matter. There’s no reason to exclude them.

Thank you backinthatdress, I hadn’t thought of a bubble machine and it’s easy to find at the moment as it’s summer. The slinky dog is a great idea too if there’s a bubble machine shortage in the shops

And I too wish people didn’t forget about the child with disabilities or the adults for that matter. There’s no reason to exclude them.

People like you and your DD are worth your weight in gold OP.

I would suggest 2 things:

A card with cash or a gift voucher in it. It doesn't have to be much, or asking the mum what he might like?

Every child is different in what they like of course, but a child with autism especially so. From experience, very welcome gestures can unfortunately go to waste because of this. It can be personal preference, anxiety around texture or colour for example, or safety concerns if he chews things or puts things in his mouth.

Perhaps you could use it as an opportunity to have a chat with the mum, get to know her and her DS a bit? Maybe, if you're willing to be very flexible and understanding about his needs, (and it sounds like you are), suggest meeting up?

Social contacts and friends can be few and far between, people drift, (or move very sharply), away. We're further down the line than this mum, but our best friends are a family with DCs who aren't disabled. They just get it, and us, and have been alongside us since the early years. They say they and their DCs benefit as much from the friendship as we do.

Your DD sounds very keen anyway!

Good on you for thinking of him. I would ask his parents, what he likes, as IMO, what one child with autism likes might be completely inappropriate for another child & perhaps even scare them or lead to meltdowns. Eg, my 7-year old is autistic but doesn't have many of the sensory aversions commonly linked to autism & would not appreciate a lot of the things mentioned.

Can I just say as a mum of a little boy who is being assesed for autism and is 3 thankyou. So often children with sen get left out. I would recomend the wooden letters and numbers if you know he likes them. My son adores them and loves to put them in order. Bubble machine is also a great idea. Maybe ask the mum if abything particular hes into. Its really sweet of you to do and I bet the parents will appreciate it

Maybe ask his mum what he likes, that sounds good. Good on you for being kind and understanding. I have a dd 11 with ASD and learning difficulties and ds 6 with NDD, speech and language difficulties and ASD traits.

You and your daughter sound lovely - I hope my son has friends like your daughter and that her parents I like you.

My son has just been diagnosed with HFA - he’d love a bubble machine but hates making stuff so Lego wouldn’t be a hit for him.

Ask his mum - it’s the best option.

My nearly 4 yo with ASD loves books, bubbles, play food, paints and any kind of ball. Books are always a fail safe, I find.

My DS has severe ASD and when he was younger he loved anything that made a noise if you pressed a button - musical/sound books are great. The buttons have to be easy to manipulate as many children with ASD don't have fine motor skills, so even pressing buttons can be difficult. His particular favourites were 'Usborne Farmyard Tales - The Noisy Tractor' and I think there was one called the Noisy Train. He's got quite a few and still plays with them now - he flicks the pages and presses the buttons! Imaginative play toys tend not to be much use to ADS children - all my DS does with lego is throw it on the floor (not sure whether it's the way it looks or the noise he likes!)

Oh LaDilettante you and your Dd are very kind xx

Before you buy anything small/fiddly/breakable, is the little boy a chewer? If so just be cautious of loose parts and easy access to batteries and things like that.

A few ideas under a tenner....
Abacus
LED drawing board
Snapcubes
Keyboard/xylophone or mini musical set drums bells shakers etc
Kaleidoscope
Chewigem bracelet or necklace (if he is a chewer)

Mum of an 11 yr old with asd, I know every child is different but above are some sensory friendly options that I knew more than a few kids who would sit for hours exploring colours patterns sounds etc
xxx

Just want to say you're so kind and I think what you're doing is lovely

Thank you for thinking of this little boy. My son went through primary school without any of his classmates celebrating his birthday with him. After the year where they all turned 5 that was it, nada on the birthday front in terms of invites or acknowledging his birthday.

My lad loved bubbles, spinning things, Thomas, water play. You've had some good suggestions already. You could ask his keyworker at nursery what sorts of things he's into but it sounds like you already are on the right track.

How about some of those soft foam letters and numbers you can play with in the bath?

I have also seen colourful letters making up a child's name that is also a chunky simple jigsaw.