To ask if you always think there's two sides to every story?

[Twosides2]

If you've been dating this guy for a while and meet his family, and they tell you bad things about the ex wife. Do you think "wow can't believe she did that", or "hmm.. there's always two sides to every story".

There usually are 2 sides. I've come across some spectacular incidents where it was almost wholly one side but in general, it is 2.

Three sides; your side, my side, and the truth. (Or in this case; his side, her side and the truth).

I believe there's several sides to one story. Things get changed twisted or people his hear. Stories are all a game of Chinese whispers imo.

As @Haberpop said always three sides

Yeah agree with arranfan really, I would say in the vast majority of cases there will be a whole other side from the ex, his family are bound to be biased plus he's not going to tell them the full story if he didn't behave well

I think it might tell you that the family are not very nice and are likely to say bad things about you in future.

I'd be thinking about his family! Why would they need to mention her and if they'll bitch about her they'll do the same about you!!

Yes, there's usually 2 equally biased stories.

I'm sure my exes family tells his GF all kinds of things about how weird I am and how I divorced their son for no reason at all. Cuz neither I nor he ever told them the reasons.

Always serveral sides but most will be biased versions. Thing is you never really get the truth story.

Some people are horrible people at the end of the day so yes it’s quite possible the ex was one of them

Another who thinks at least 3 sides. The side my exh and his family and friends gave out when we broke up was very different to the one I might have told his new gf had I not been interested in just moving on and also aware that each of our personal perspectives might be a tad coloured by self-interest and therefore not entirely objectively fair.

as others have said, there is always multiple 'sides' and I'm very much of the give people the benefit of the doubt persuasion. so, until i see cunty behaviour from the Ex, I will assume she os a decent enough person.

It's a bad sign that they are even telling you anything about his ex wife and that they have no regard for her right to privacy considering I'm assuming you don't know her and weren't in anyway involved in the marriage of the subsequent break up!

Agree with the three sides. The truth is often somewhere down the middle of the two biased sides. One example I can think of was an ex of mine his family and him had her pegged as absolutely nuts. Over time I discovered she was pretty bad and as bad a she they portrayed her but actually so was he so I can imagine why their relationship was a complete car crash. She was nuts but she also had a genuine beef with him her story was all biased against him his vice versa the truth was they were both as bad as each other but believed they were each the wounded party.

I had this exact same thing. I was stupid and believed them until, that is, my ex cheated on me and they now say the same horrible things about me because they believe all his lies. They are also not very nice people and are superficial.

I don't think the truth actually exists at all.

In tests on this kind of thing, where you have two people in a room (where their interaction is recorded) and they do the simplest of exchanges & then you ask them to recall it afterwards - almost every time they won't recall it all exactly as it happened.

So, there is what actually happened, that most of the time no one has proof or evidence of (unless you film your entire life) and then there is the interpretation thereafter. By the time you add in a hugely biased third party you can guarantee you will not be getting "the truth"!!!!!

What I'd take from the situation you've posted on here, is that the guy you are dating has a very loyal family. What they've been told and why they feel the need to tell you all about it, is a whole other story altogether.

As others have said - three sides.

I'd say listen to your gut instinct. If they are trying to make a big deal out of something that may be not out of order (my exes mum and sister used to say of his ex before me that she was money grabbing when the truth was that he was very mean and financially abused her)

I do think it's a red flag that they are slagging off the ex wife to you, like they are trying to cover up what ever he has done to her and all the focus on her to avoid his part in the marriage breakdown being questioned or discussed.

My ex mil told me recently when I saw her that she loves me, still tells ex previous to me that she loves her but she slags her (and very likely me) and leaves her without a name. I think she is avoiding looking at the truth that her son is abusive.

Generally two sides to the story, doesn't mean they are the truth. I'm sure that ex is busy telling people how bad I was for suddenly leaving him without warning, and that I must be keeping the DCs from him.

But my side is that I was scared, and left when he was at work. DCs more than old enough to make up their own minds, and they've had various issues as a result of living with him.

In public, I just say I had my reasons for leaving. Most people know him, and have been capable of making up their own minds. I'm getting interesting info back, though. Seems he's not as popular as he thought, and I've had a lot of help.

Another one here who thinks there are 3 sides to every story.... of course there is going to be the exw side the exH side and the reality of the situation.

Of course if you listen to one side you will be hearing the persons thoughts and views only ... personally I feel it is unhealthy as you can feed into the belief of the person it occurred that way ... my advice would be to ask questions if you are bothered to find a rounded view ...

In a case of someone bad mouthing an ex ... I think you have to understand why the ex became the ex ... I don't believe anyone wakes up and thinks today I will leave ...

Always three sides as previous posters have said.

People are naturally defensive and will justify their own actions so they appear better. You will only ever get the side as told from the tellers self interested perspective.

i think you can usually tell whether someone has let their own feelings cloud their judgement, particularly when it comes to how they see another person.

if there's any attempt to provide a balanced view, it's likely to be closer to the truth.

if people start straight in with the bitching and finger pointing, that's usually a sign they've left their objectivity pants in the drawer.

There’s always 2 sides to the story. When I got with my partner I had him telling me what a bitch his ex is and I had his ex telling me what a dick he is.

Over time I’ve realised they were most likely both telling the truth about each other. They’re both pathetic at times and I’ve seen the bad qualities in both of them that they both described about each other.

A lot of "crazy stories" may, on the face of it, be true but without context they're misleading at best.

Agree with MargotLoveButter.

Everyone has a different view of the world, and of events that happen to and around them. Based on their own, individual filters - experiences, beliefs, memories, values, moral code, even whether they are tired, cold, hungry etc. No two people will experience the same event the same. One person's "truth" is another person's "lie". It's a very grey area.

If my partner's family told me lots of stories about how awful his ex was, I'd take it with a pinch of salt, and remember that they are biased, and probably don't know all that went on. And as PP said, I'd worry what they'd say about me when I wasn't there.