To demand respect for DP?

[Silentpartner]

Trying to cut long story short. DP is mid-divorce. Exwtb is getting the house and car with no objections from DP.
House is £3000 from being paid off due to DP working 80 hour weeks since buying house 12 years ago.

Exwtb HATES me. Has told her children (13 and 15) not to speak to me or acknowledge my existence (we've been together 3 years, they've been separated 4)

We live in a council property that needs thousands of pounds of work to make it a 'home'. DP had developed a degenerative disease which has left him unable to work (first time on benefits, worked since he was 14)

DSS13 has told his mother, friends, Mil that he won't visit DP as he doesn't like my DC, hates our house and thinks DP is lazy for not working.

I'm livid! DSS13 wouldn't even have a roof over his head if it hadn't been for DP hard work. Exwtb is encouraging the behaviour by implying her 10hr per week job is what is providing the home!

DSD15 seems to think she can only contact DP when she wants something.

Do I speak up or wait years till they realise what they've lost?

SugarIsAmazing - no nursery would take a child for those hours. There is full time and then there is 'so much work that you never spend time at home'. If he DID work 80 hours a week, that's almost 11 1/2 hours a day, 7 days a week.

If you factor in ANY travel time at all, 30 minutes to an hour a day extra. So he would be out of the house for the whole time the DC were awake. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. OF. THE. WEEK.

So either the OP is exaggerating, or the DC don't know their father.

It may be painful and make you furious but stay out of it. Any intervention from you will be seen as hostile and make things worse. You cant get respect by demanding it. Let things work themselves out.

Yep obviously he worked 80 hours a week in a manual job and did all of the cooking and cleaning 😂

Can you hear yourself OP? Does he actually have anything in common with his kids, or know anything about them? Can't imagine cinderella had much time for family bonding after working around the clock their entire lives

As other posters have pointed out you have holes in your dp story and it’s clear a lot of BS has been fed to you. He’s not going to make out to his ex was some saint.

As for you struggling to feed your dc it’s really got nothing to do with your dp and his ex or the kids. You choose to have kids with your ex and therefore you are both responsible for them.

You are clearly jealsous because the ex wife had the house and you live in a council house that needs work. Are you really surprised the kids aren’t warming to you or your dc? It’s all there in the tone in you’re posts for everyone to see.

Are you struggling to feed your DC because you are supporting DP?

SugarIsAmazing, I don't know where you live, but here in the US 40 hours a week is considered full-time. A parent who works 40 hours a week still has lots of time left to spend with his kids. A parent who works 80 hours a week doesn't.

Can you imagine the XW's MN Post?

XH's DP wants us out of our house because her DCs dad can't pay his child maintenance

You can't demand respect, OP. That isn't how the world works.

This is his fight and if he doesn’t want to fight, that’s his prerogative. The only thing your input would do is to make a bad situation worse.

Martyrs don’t get medals, despite what you think.

It's laughable that you think you can 'demand respect' from your partners teenage children.

You are irrelevant in this. It's about him and his kids, it's not for you to be getting involved in at all.
You can't resent his children or is STBXW because they live in a house he willingly signed over, nor is it their fault that you're struggling to provide for your children.
Maybe you need to ask for their father to step up and help you to support them.

Honestly, I'm not surprised they don't want to spend time with you or your partner. You're attitude towards them drips through in this post.

Your partner needs to think about why they don't want to spend time with him.
I would start with him working '80 hours a week', he definitely was not coming home and doing chores/spending time with them after a 12 hour(?) day.

You're believing what you want and people are telling you what you want to hear.
Only him and his ex know the reasons behind their divorce, again it's nothing to do with you.
If they are telling their grandparents how they feel and the grandparents aren't disagreeing, then I'd be inclined to wonder (since he does everything...) why they're not defending him.

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a shit time but it's not the kids fault, nor is it their issue to deal with.
They've got a lot on their plate (parents divorced, dad finds new partner who has kids, dad then gets seriously ill.)
No wonder they're acting out, that's more than enough for an adult to attempt to navigate.