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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this a sign of something or just generally being f**king annoying?

98 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 27/06/2018 23:20

My DH is driving me crazy.

It’s lots of little things but with increasing frequency. Just a couple of recent examples from this week. Two nights ago he asked where his sunglasses were because he left them on the shelf. I said ‘I didn’t move them, but if I did they would be in the sunglasses basket’. He stomped around, checked the basket, came back and said they weren’t there and I’d clearly moved them somewhere. Next day he text saying it was so annoying I lost his sunglasses... I was at home so went to check the basket and there they were. (And there are only four of us!)

I was running late home last night and text him to make pasta for the kids and not wait for me. My youngest DD will only eat it plain with cheese. He texts back ‘there’s no cheese’... I said ‘yes there is, there’s a whole new cheese.’ He denied it. I got home much later, opened the fridge and there was the cheese, right at the front, middle shelf. Unmissable.

This morning I was leaving for the gym and getting the kids ready, I said ‘you took my padlock can you put it in my gym bag please?’ He said yes and went out up the hall. I got to the gym, no padlock. Called him and he said he had no idea what I was talking about.

People can be annoying, I’m sure I am! But AIBU to think this is something more?

OP posts:
Pollypudding · 28/06/2018 09:15

Happens in our house too- I call it mansearching

Pollypudding · 28/06/2018 09:15

Whoops wrong thread

Uyulala · 28/06/2018 09:21

Yabu for allowing a child to dictate what she will eat

Within reason it's fine.

RabbitsAreTasty · 28/06/2018 09:30

It's called boy-looking in our house. It is how it is.

However, if anyone DARED to accuse me of hiding or moving their stuff I would be furious. The implication that I'm a thief, idiot or manipulator! No way would I stand for that kind of disrespect. I would tackle it head on as I always do, always with questions not defensive statements "What exactly are you accusing me of?" "Do you think I am that kind of person?" "Do you really think I am going to help you after you've just treated me like that?"

My dad used to accuse my mum of hiding his things all the time. She has many many flaws but I am 100% certain she never hid anything. Even as a child I felt the accusation was deeply unfair and showed a desire to have a fight even in an empty room. Total lack of respect.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/06/2018 09:34

My DH is like this too. I tell him I'm not his "thinking brain dog" (we're in Australia where they call guide dogs "seeing eye dogs")
I don't pander to it at all if I can avoid it but still he asks.
And yet he gets the hump with me if I start to suggest he does something while we're out (like get in the correct lane to turn) and says "Gosh, I don't know HOW I manage on a daily basis in the car without you to tell me what to do"
which level of hypocrisy drives me up the fucking wall!!

FinallyHere · 28/06/2018 09:38

It’s a man thing, isn’t it?

NO!

Sorry for shouting but excusing it as a male thing makes it a source of male privilege. If anyone finds, over and over again that asking out loud where is my ... is a fast, reliable and above all effortless way to find things, why would they not continue to use this method.

Children need to be shown how to look for things (stay calm , think when did I last have it). Adults can safely be left to work it out for themselves. It's doing 'em a favour, really.

fuzzyfozzy · 28/06/2018 09:43

I challenged my dh on the constant questions, asking where things are before he's even moved his eyes to look. He seems to just narrate his thoughts, so I just ignore it or ask where he thinks they might be.

FinallyHere · 28/06/2018 09:51

Just just narrate his thoughts

I like this explanation.

LemonysSnicket · 28/06/2018 09:54

Blokes do this because they're blind. I call it the mum power but basically it's because you're the only one who puts things away.

WillowRose79 · 28/06/2018 09:54

you are reading way too much into this- men cannot find things, ever

QuiteCleanBandit · 28/06/2018 09:58

Not a man thing .
Its a you are my servant Im too lazy to bother thing.
My DH did it a couple of times -swift reply of "No idea" repeat as needed.
Same with DC, they soon learn to look after their own stuff.
Also the shouting from another room.
Nope Im not a dog,if you want to speak to me ,YOU come and find me.

LemonysSnicket · 28/06/2018 09:59

I have a sunglasses basket!!! Mine are never in there though ./.

QuiteCleanBandit · 28/06/2018 09:59

Well how odd Willow
My DH manages fineHmm

ShatnersWig · 28/06/2018 10:01

men cannot find things, ever

Oh please, do we really need sweeping untrue sexist generalisations? On that basis, every single guy who lives alone would spend all this time going to the shops to buy a third paid of sunglasses this week having not found the two previous pairs he's put down somewhere in his flat

Butterymuffin · 28/06/2018 10:02

Remarkable how there's still a gender pay gap with the male inability to find things, remember things etc

OP it's the tone and attitude to you that I think are of most concern here. Has this changed recently?

FoofFighter · 28/06/2018 10:02

@Greenglassteacup you need a bobble plate not a basket old mumsnet classic thread Grin

bookmum08 · 28/06/2018 10:21

It's my ten year old daughter who is like this in my house. I have taken to just saying "I don't know" when she asks where something is. 90% of the time I do know where something is because it's gonna be someone obvious - if you need some pants they will be in the pants drawer. Duh.

DarlingNikita · 28/06/2018 10:22

It’s a man thing, isn’t it?

NO!

Sorry for shouting but excusing it as a male thing makes it a source of male privilege. If anyone finds, over and over again that asking out loud where is my ... is a fast, reliable and above all effortless way to find things, why would they not continue to use this method.

Exactly this.

And the stuff about men being hunters and scanning the horizon looking for things to kill etc; while I can't deny that that's how early humans lived, we've had a long long time to develop and change our skills since then, so I take that with a massive pinch of salt.

Having said all that, perhaps he IS stressed/worried and this is how it's manifesting? I know I get very distracted and less observant if I'm preoccupied.

Having said THAT (!!), it's fucking offensive to text to tell you it's annoying that you lost his sunglasses. I don't think stress excuses that.

Wellthisunexpected · 28/06/2018 10:23

DH gets like this when particularly stressed or involved in things in work. We make a joke of it now - "use your eyes that see sweety".

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 28/06/2018 10:24

My husband went through a phase like this.

I say ‘phase’ because I literally sat him down and asked if he’d like me to make a doctors appointment for him because I was genuinely concerned that he was having such difficulty understanding what I was asking.

He had an AMAZING recovery after that conversation Hmm

goose1964 · 28/06/2018 10:33

Not just a man thing,.my Mum always used to say that the easiest way to hide something from me was to put it right in front of me.

Nikephorus · 28/06/2018 10:40

Sunglasses - kids borrowed them & put them back?
Cheese - I can so do this! If it doesn't match the exact mental picture I have......
Padlock - wasn't exactly listening to you and just agreed with what you said without registering it, easily done.
Sorted. No need for worry, for trips to the doctor, to LTB etc. It's normal life. Just unfortunate that they happened close together.

TheOriginalEmu · 28/06/2018 10:54

It’s a man thing, isn’t it?

well, I may be dyspraxic and shit at finding things, but i'm pretty certain even I would be able to find my penis, so definitely not 'a man thing'.

Yawnyprawn · 28/06/2018 11:26

My DH is like this too. He'll open the fridge to get something out and ask me which shelf it's on because he can't be arsed to look. It does sound like your husband is being a little impatient with you though, assuming it's you who lost his sunglasses. Maybe that's the issue? Are you annoying each other more than usual at the moment?

Greenglassteacup · 28/06/2018 12:29

A bobble plate & not basket you say