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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel annoyed? ... oh I know i bloody am, just ranting

32 replies

snowleopard · 24/05/2007 20:33

Twas DP's birthday a few weeks ago and DS and I made him a cake - it fell apart a bit and was decorated by DS (pink icing, sweets everywhere, wonky candles etc) but it was actually a very nice cake as well as being heartwarming and lovely etc.

Well cue birthday evening and DP is having his mates round (we had had other bday celebrations earlier and lunch out) - one of them brings his girlfriend and she has made this uber-posh cake which totally outshone my cake. Now I'm not a housewifey cake-proud type at all but it was embarrassing, we were the only two women there and it felt like some kind of village cake contest etc, DP went on and on about how fab her cake was, I seethed and felt upset on behalf of DS (though he was in bed! )

Well tonight he is going out with his mates to a gig, I was invited but felt like a night in. The same woman comes round this evening to get a lift with my DP (her boyfriend is in the band) and they sit in the kitchen and DP starts up again about her FRIGGING CAKE and how it was so amazing and the best cake he's ever tasted, blah blah blah de blah. Lying bastard! Meanwhile I am taking out the bins, doing various chores etc and our friend only turns to me to ask me some polite questions about DS. These friends are a lot younger than us, oh also did I mention this woman is stunningly beautiful and stylish, and I just felt a thousand years old, boring, frumpy, furious with DP, FURIOUS with myself for getting competitive over a CAKE and just basically a complete and utter saddo.

I don't think there's anything going on or anything, I don't not trust DP, but I do think he probably fancies her a bit and was sucking up to her.

Sorry this is so long and blimmin pointless and trivial, just needed a rant, if anyone wants to join me in a glass of red wine I'm off to get it.

OP posts:
cathcart · 24/05/2007 20:35

we hear you snowleopard! Hope you feel better after that rant

toomuchtodo · 24/05/2007 20:37

I'll pour!!

you have my sympathies, this would drive me nuts too!

just us women feeling a bit insecure and men who are acting like a sad sweet dreamer!

pour away....................

colditz · 24/05/2007 20:37

Oh I don't blame you, how annoying!

I'd have had him choring his arse off while she was there.

kickassangel · 24/05/2007 20:40

just tried linking to a pic of red wine & can't get blardy new style link to work. AIBU to be annoyed?

ikwym - ALL men suck up to pretty women! they should be stabbed between the eyes.

rowan1971 · 24/05/2007 20:43

I think it was a leetle presumptuous of her to bring her own cake without checking with you first - making the cake is usually wifey's responsibility, is it not?

My DP used to have the most blatant crush on a woman he worked with, although he would have denied it under the most extreme torture (I tried once or twice). Thankfully, she was a lesbian... However, since we've moved away, she's fallen completely off the radar - I've been a bit surprised by how thoroughly he seems to have forgotten about her (without any prompting from me).

Rise above, rise above...

Desiderata · 24/05/2007 20:45

Aw, that can't be nice. You write very well. Despite the fact that you're (understandably) pissed off at the mo, you did make me giggle in places there.

For what it's worth, I think it was presumptuous of her to bake a cake. Did it not occur to her that you would have already made one?

Ah, rant away. I'm just going to top up my red wine.

Original poster
snowleopard · 24/05/2007 20:50

Aaaaaaah thank you all so much - feel a lot better.

I've chosen this bottle, I think there'll be enough for us all...

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 24/05/2007 20:50

At her Dp's b'day take round a Jane Asher cake (unprompted) pass it off as yours, and see what happens

Desiderata · 24/05/2007 20:53

Thanks, snowleopard. What are you having?

tribpot · 24/05/2007 21:07

The politics of baking. They are complicated.

I would guess that, she thought "here I am, a fabulous cook and single gal, how can I relate to this social situation? I can bring food" Quite why she thought another cake was the way forward I don't know, but to give her the benefit of the doubt, she probably thought it'd be useful and not redundant / making your effort look bad. (Btw, I refuse to do baking of any kind except potatoes, but both dh and ds are wheat-intolerant so this gives me the perfect excuse).

I do think you should tell dp why it hurts you that has made so much of the cake (not because it means he's going to cheat on you but even so). You did something nice and then someone else with infinitely more time on her hands came in and did a much better job - well sod that, who is the mother of his child, after all?

I think she needs to understand bringing the cake is bad - can you start dropping hints like "god, that cake was so great, but we had so much left at the end because ds had made his daddy a cake too, I think he felt a bit sad because his wasn't as fancy as yours". And then try and suggest something else she could bring - starters or something?

lulumamasmentee · 24/05/2007 21:09

Oh god am seething for you. No she shouldn't of taken a cake to yours, she was probably just trying to be nice, but v misguided behaviour in female land. DP is being typical man by simpering to her. We have a female aquaintance who comes round and laughs like a drain at the slightest hint of DP even talking (even to the point of another of our male friends actually noticing and asking what on earth she was laughing at).

Very poor show on both their sides. Not sure what to suggest other than teasing dp about it and saying "god could you have sucked up to her anymore, she looked totally embarassed" he'll be so mortified that he wont do it anymore

Original poster
snowleopard · 24/05/2007 21:16

Thanks tribpot - those would be the words to use and I think both of them could use a bit more awareness, but I probably wouldn't raise it with her (though I probably will with him) simply because it would just make me look like EVEN MORE of a domesticated old frump to get all serious about it. (ooh we really need an emoticon!) She is just very young, she's incredibly sweet and nice and innocent, and I'm 100% sure she meant well so anything I said would just make me the villain.

The other thing is though, the cake that DS and I made may have looked a fright, but it tasted nicer! IT DID!

OP posts:
Original poster
snowleopard · 24/05/2007 21:20

Thanks lulummm too.

The thing is bakery politics had never entered my head before. I'm so not like that. So this is not only infuriating in itself, it's worrying because I'm thinking OMG, I had a baby, I have now become the kind of person who competes with other women's bakery.

OP posts:
Original poster
snowleopard · 24/05/2007 21:21

PS. Her cake was so enormous, most of it had to be taken to DP's work where it was wolfed down in about 30 seconds in the staffroom.

OP posts:
moondog · 24/05/2007 21:24

Ah Snow.
Poor you!
Sorry,I know it's a pain but you have written it up so beuatifully.
I would start making eyes at one of his mates and raving about muscly forearmsn DIY prowess or similar.

SSSandy2 · 24/05/2007 21:29

oh come on now, this is not the time for being charitable.

Every woman knows you don't bake a cake for someone else's husband and take it to his home on his birthday FGS. It would be ok maybe at work or at a club or something but taking a birthday cake to his home is just weird. I think I might let her know that the present you'd all appreciated best was a fantastic bottle of cognac on one of dh's past birthdays. You know, just in passing, as you do..

Blondilocks · 24/05/2007 21:32

I wouldn't worry too much - my DD ended up with 3 birthday cakes last yr & one cost... wait for it... £40!!!!!

Nightynight · 24/05/2007 21:36

I think Sandy's right. Baking a cake for another woman's husband is a bit odd.
And bloody tactless of him to go on about it.

Blondilocks · 24/05/2007 21:41

I think a cake is more appropriate than a random present, but I suppose wine would have been a safer option.

elasticbandstand · 24/05/2007 21:43

i bet it tasted yuck yuck

is she very young?
naive perhaps,
or naice

Original poster
snowleopard · 24/05/2007 21:49

She's soooooo nice eb, and I most emphatically am not. I mean I am a nice person but I can be socially awkward, say the wrong things, and obviously I'm harbouring nasty resentful thoughts about her which she doesn't deserve. She makes me feel like the wicked witch of the west. I'm not good with people like that, I like my friends a bit bitchy! (sorry that sounds bad but you know what I mean - it's hard to let off steam about life's stresses with someone who is all sweetness and light)

OP posts:
lulumamasmentee · 24/05/2007 21:52

Snowleopard your being way to harsh on herself, nice little sweet girl has been played to death for flips sake. If she's old enough to bake a perfect huge gorg cake shes old enough to know that its not on to bake it for somebody elses husband.

Thats just weird.

JodieG1 · 24/05/2007 21:55

That would have annoyed me too. I'm really sensitive over my cooking and baking (I'm fairly good at it too) and I'd hate it if dh said some other woman's cake was better than mine.

fillyjonk · 24/05/2007 21:56

but this is

what about your ds

he MADE A CAKE (oh okay he didn't but...)

big grr vibes to mr leopard

JodieG1 · 24/05/2007 21:56

Also baking a cake for someone else's husband is a bit