To ignore DD when she's in so much pain?

[mrsshelby44]

Every night. Without fail. I put my 4 year old to bed. She has her milk and is meant to go to sleep after that. She'll be in her bed and I'll think she's gone to sleep then it starts.

Muuuum my finger hurts.
Muuuum now my leg hurts and I finger too
Muuuuum I need the toilet because my tummy hurts and my bum bum
Muuuum my fingers still hurting
Muuuuuuuum I feel sick
Mum mum mum muuuum? My toenail hurts
Mummy remember when I felt sick in the car?
I feel car sick but I'm in my bed so I'm bed sick.

I offer her cuddles but I don't want her to rely on me to get to sleep iyswim

She goes to bed at 7;30 and this will go on until 9:30/10 sometimes!

AIBU to ignore her? I'm worried she'll actually be sick/Hurt one day and no one will believe her!

Literally at the point where I don't know what to do. I don't like the thought of her crying herself to sleep although I know it's not going to harm her.

I've tried ignoring her she just gets louder and screams to the point I shout back which i hate myself for!

I dread bed times. She's currently in the bath and I'm about to get her out read a book or two and see if she goes to sleep.

I will grab any advice with both hands!! 🧐

Good luck!

Have you brushed her teeth ?

Hope it works as well as last night!

She’s 4 and trying it on. Be sympathetic but tell her the best thing for all these aches and pains is sleep! Be good humoured for a while and then tell her it’s sleep time and ignore her.
I have a 4yo and sometimes we do shout at her to stop it and go to bed. She gets the message

My 5 year old is exactly the same, but has improved since I’ve pushed bedtime back to 9pm, he just doesn’t need more than 9/10hours sleep. What time does she get up?

Tell her if she will go straight to sleep she can go In your bed and warm it up for you.
Then go in when she is asleep and put her I her own bed.
Tomorrow make such a fuss of her for going straight to sleep.
But if she still calls put her in her own bed and tell her your sad she couldn't keep her promise...

This has been such an enlightening thread! Hopefully it’s gone well tonight OP. We’ve had similar issues with our routine so I’ve been reading this with interest!

Started again.

She called me said she needed the toilet. I told her she can just go she doesn't need to call me.

Then she got back in to bed and was calling me I ignored her 4 times then went in. Everything was hurting again. I kissed everything asked if anything else was sore. Her hair. I kissed her hair and said it best to go to sleep so the fix it fairies can make her feel better. Left. But she's just started calling me again. 🙄

I have a very short fuse, I'd have either bellowed at her by now or gone in with my own book and lain down beside her reading until she's asleep. I remember those awful bright summer nights as a child, being expected to go to sleep when it's daylight outside.

Seriously, try “I’ll be back to check on you”

I've put the audiobook Bonnie on for her. See how this goes then I'll just sit next to her bed.

I've not shouted or got angry with her tonight so that's a small improvement.

Not shouting or getting angry is a HUGE improvement, OP, you need to pay yourself on the back. It's natural to find these behaviours frustrating, but kids just want connection with us and when we are angry they know it's lost and try various things to get the connection back. Many of which are v annoying. I think continue as you are and continue to focus on the patience and gentle firmness and consistency, it will pay off.

Oh op, I feel your pain.

My dd was 4.5 her and ds (7) shared a room, she would NOT stay in bed, it was affecting everything, especially ds, who wasn't getting enough sleep. (Neither was she)

I had tried EVERYTHING.

At the end of my rope, I started a thread, around 12 MNers held my hand on the stairs, doing rapid return for 10 looooong nights it was hell.

But it worked, it actually permanently sorted it.

Come back here if you try everything else, and want to give this a go.

Good luck!

Whatever method you choose to use OP, make sure you stick to it. Don't chop and change every night or she'll get confused.

We had similar with DS when he was about 5. He would come halfway down the stairs, and start calling out to us to come and sort out something he was worried about. It would go on for about 90 minutes every night.

What cleared it up was "allowing" him to do it 3 times each evening, and promising we wouldn't sound annoyed or get cross with him. But if he did it a 4th time we would start getting cross, as he needed to get a good night's sleep etc.

Once he knew they were rationed, he never did it more than 2x per night, keeping the third one "in reserve" in case he really had a problem (he very seriously explained it to me one day!).

In general, we talk about sleep as being really important so that we will have lots of energy to play the next day. The 4 yo is normally pretty good about going to sleep (=shattered) but if he's in a pratting around mood I just straighten him up in bed, remind him that he needs energy for tomorrow, and leave. And repeat. And repeat. And then send his Dad in.

If I think he's genuinely struggling to get to sleep because he's not tired, I'll put his bedside light on and let him flick through books for 20 mins, then go in and turn the light off.

He does really like having music on to help him go to sleep - there's loads of good stuff on youtube, just search for "music to help you sleep".

And sometimes, he just needs someone to sit with him while he goes off.

It sounds like she's in a habit. She's old enough to reason with - have a chat with her before bed about why we need sleep, all the good things it does, and ask her what she thinks would help her get to sleep - suggest a few things (cuddly toy, music, reading in bed first, whatever), and then try and big up what she's chosen. Maybe change your normal routine too, to try and disrupt the habit.

There's no need to stop her milk unless it's out a baby bottle my dc 15 & 13 still drink milk before bed, as does dp he's 37, personally I don't understand it but it's harmless!