To ignore DD when she's in so much pain?

[mrsshelby44]

Every night. Without fail. I put my 4 year old to bed. She has her milk and is meant to go to sleep after that. She'll be in her bed and I'll think she's gone to sleep then it starts.

Muuuum my finger hurts.
Muuuum now my leg hurts and I finger too
Muuuuum I need the toilet because my tummy hurts and my bum bum
Muuuum my fingers still hurting
Muuuuuuuum I feel sick
Mum mum mum muuuum? My toenail hurts
Mummy remember when I felt sick in the car?
I feel car sick but I'm in my bed so I'm bed sick.

I offer her cuddles but I don't want her to rely on me to get to sleep iyswim

She goes to bed at 7;30 and this will go on until 9:30/10 sometimes!

AIBU to ignore her? I'm worried she'll actually be sick/Hurt one day and no one will believe her!

Literally at the point where I don't know what to do. I don't like the thought of her crying herself to sleep although I know it's not going to harm her.

I've tried ignoring her she just gets louder and screams to the point I shout back which i hate myself for!

I dread bed times. She's currently in the bath and I'm about to get her out read a book or two and see if she goes to sleep.

I will grab any advice with both hands!! 🧐

OMG SHES ALSEEP!!

She's actually asleep. Less than 15 minutes after getting into bed!

All hail the genius parents on Mumsnet! 🙌🏽

Now I don't know what to do with myself! Lol I might pour myself some wine and make a start on some assignments I need to finish.

Thank you. I might be back tomorrow night though I'll see how We get on haha

Because you are ignoring the people who are asking if you brush her teeth after I bet you dont!

Yay! Sounds like you've cracked it!

enjoy your wine and good luck with the assignments!

I think KeepServingTheDrinks had the perfect response on the first page. You need to work out what the issue is.

She isn't in pain, she's just being a pain .

How many hours of sleep does she get?

Also, could you take her to park/ classes to knacker her out?

I didn't ask for advice of teeth brushing my daughter's teeth are fine we get regular check up every 6 months and she brushes morning and night.

I'm aware of the problem milk can cause teeth but we don't seem to be having any. Once I have conquered the bedtime routine I will start to think about removing milk or changing the order so she has it first. We spoke today about the milk fairy coming on her 5th birthday and she wasn't very happy but when the time is right I will deal with it.

I'm only going to make one comment - I'm not sure if it will be flamed but here goes, it comes with the best intentions....

I see the majority of posts saying it needs to stop and OP should be curtailing the behaviour and that makes perfect sense, but are those suggestions and comments based purely on the dc's young age?

I ask because last year I could've written that post myself. For months my dd was doing very similar. Needed a drink, wasn't feeling well, just wanted a chat, needed to tell me something that honestly could've waited till the morning, anything to not be alone. She did it for so many months I had trouble remembering when it started. And it drove me NUTS. I started hating bedtime because it wasn't bedtime anymore. I then found out, and this is not an accusation OP, just a "story" from my own experience, that she was being abused by a family member. As soon as it was off her chest that behaviour stopped completely. All I'm saying is, I don't know what I could've done differently, but anyone whose child suddenly does this, is suddenly clingy when faced with the prospect of being without you even just for bedtime, try your hardest to find out if anything has changed for them or is worrying them and let them know you will always listen and never judge.

Again, I'm not trying to scare anyone, and OP I'm sure there is a much less sinister answer for your dd, but everyone is sharing experiences, and that is mine. I wish you and your dd well.

How awful :( and I do understand your reason for sharing it, in order to remind people to just consider it if their DC behaviour suddenly changes.
I hope your dd is OK and it hasn't had too much of an impact.

@mrsshelby44 How did you do the bedtime routine this eve?

Don't talk to her, walk her back to bed and turn out the light...every single time. She's just playing for the attention. When you don't give it, she'll get bored. No eye contact, no talking, no getting cross, just walk her back to bed. It'll take days but it will work.

If you give her milk after she’s cleaned her teeth at night, then you haven’t brushed her teeth at night.
Really, a child’s tooth health is so important - you might not have asked for advice regarding it but you are clearly doing it wrong and it will have negative health affects on your children so change it - it’s a simple step a swap the milk for water. Offer milk at dinner instead. Job done.

Oh my god enough about the teeth! She didnt ask for advice about teeth!

Bloody hell, if I offered my son milk with his dinner he wouldn't eat anything else.

As a bit of encouragement, we found it easy to get DS out of bed to brush his teeth as he stopped drinking the bottle to sleep IYKWIM. I wouldn't change anything for a bit in your case until you've got settled with the new routine though.

My 3 yo has her milk whilst we are doing stories, then we brush teeth and straight into bed. I think it really helps to have a little ‘trigger’ that signals it’s sleep time. Bedtime story is a great one. It sounds like your dd is pretty expert at delaying tactics. She just needs to learn to settle herself and relax a bit. Hope the routine works again for you.

I am being pedantic but the advice is to not brush teeth for at least 20 minutes after drinking sugars or acidic foods.

She's actually asleep. Less than 15 minutes after getting into bed!

Superb!! I’m delighted for you. I too used to dread bedtime (not my dc, but I regularly did bedtime for multiple younger relatives) and there was always a plea for a drink/toilet trip/story, way beyond time when they should have been asleep. Well done, OP!

Sorry @mrsshelby44 crosses posts. Your routine this eve sounds lovely! Good job!

My friend's child was exactly like this, every single night, exhausting. They bought her one of these Worry Eaters and had a stack of cards on the bedside table with different body parts printed on each one, the idea being that she "fed" the worry eater with the corresponding card every time she had a pain. Apparently it worked within a few days, one night their daughter just posted the lot and went to sleep. Worth a try?

www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?tag=mumsnetforum-21&url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=worry+eaters

Tell her what you have just told us.

When she awake and can fully understand tell her that you won't be listening to her lies anymore.

Tell her one day she could really hurt her self and no one will believe her because she is telling lies and could end up seriously hurt.

Stop giving her milk.

Give her magic medicine.

Sorted.

@ilovvvvemud

When she awake and can fully understand tell her that you won't be listening to her lies anymore.

That's absolutely deranged.

Why would anyone use the word 'lies' to a 4-year-old?

I think it's very normal for that age to be nervous about sleeping alone I know I've been nervous before and i know some adults who hate sleeping alone. so I think it's very normal.

Perhaps in kids it’s normal. But it’s really, really not normal for an adult to hate sleeping alone. I’ve never met anyone like that, have you?

Round two tonight! Wish me luck 🙈