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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what's the difference between Marriage and Civil Partnership?

186 replies

supersop60 · 27/06/2018 18:42

Following the High Court ruling that the heterosexual couple may now have a civil partnership. I listened to an interview with them, and I can't see what the legal difference is. (not talking about ceremonies, venues etc here - that's all optional anyway)

OP posts:
minniemummy0 · 27/06/2018 22:20

Can you have a civil partnership and then a marriage as well?

We are saving for a wedding and I really do want to wear a white dress etc etc. But as I already have a baby I’d have a civil partnership tomorrow if I could (so would partner) and marry in a couple of years when we’ve saved. Would that be possible if they open civil partnerships to heterosexual couples. Or is it an either/or situation?

Lottapianos · 27/06/2018 22:21

'We're still fighting to be allowed to marry. '

Good for you. More power to you. I genuinely hope you are successful

Lottapianos · 27/06/2018 22:22

Minnie, you can convert your CP to a marriage if you want to

Quickerthanavicar · 27/06/2018 22:22

Straight, white people needing more rights. Yah!

SouthWestmom · 27/06/2018 22:23

So basically people want a civil partnership because it gives pretty much the same rights as marriage but it doesn't have the patriarchal baggage. (Think pension rights are different)

Having two versions of the same thing sounds like a ridiculous pandering to sensibilities. Should just have had marriage available to all in the first place.

Lottapianos · 27/06/2018 22:23

CPs, if extended, will be for everyone regardless of race or sexual orientation, Quicker, as well you know Hmm

madamginger · 27/06/2018 22:23

I’ve been to 5 CP ceremonies and 4 of those couple have since got married and the other couple have separated.
My cousin and her wife said they wanted to their marriage to be equal to everyone else’s.

Fontofnoknowledge · 27/06/2018 22:27

If they extend CPs I suspect a lot of people will find out that their partner does not in fact have a principled objection to the institution of marriage...

This ^

*can't believe the nastiness towards posters that would prefer a CP to a marriage'

Me neither. Green eyed monster maybe?*

... answering for myself I would say I am definitely not jealous. I'm married. I don't need 'marriage -lite' It smacks of I love you, quite a lot, enough for a CP but not to marry you'. Feels a bit sad if anything. My main feeling is that it is completely pointless and does nothing for all of the thousands of women who have had children with a man who holds all the financial and career advantage.
A man who doesn't want the commitment of marrying the mother of his child isn't going to say 'ok' to a cp. it's about keeping your assets to your self.

This is going to benefit a bunch of Guardian reading , ideological feminists . a fairly niche market - rather than the women who has had two kids with her partner, works part time and has no name on the house . or rights to it or his pension if they split.

Now THAT would really help level the playing field.

Quickerthanavicar · 27/06/2018 22:28

lottapianos I know that gay people can't get married in church. I know that clergy in gay marriages can get sacked. I know you can't have a gay marriage in Northern Ireland and many other countries.

P3onyPenny · 27/06/2018 22:29

Wtaf!Shock

Somebody of those posts re men not marrying women.Hmm How nasty and childish.

Um some of us aren't married because we're the ones who don't want to get married. Many men and women don't like the idea of marriage. Hardly a crime.Hmm

Re the gay thing. We have several gay married friends who really couldn't give a shit if we had a civil partnership. Why on earth would they?

specialsubject · 27/06/2018 22:30

thank you registrar - so it is now possible to get all the legal benefits by filling in forms? the cringey speech bit was the bit I hated even though it was as minimal as possible.

job done ( decades ago) but great news for future me 's who cant stand ceremony.

BlueGlasses · 27/06/2018 22:33

Minnie there has been no actual change in the law (yet) and CP's are still only available to same sex partners.

The gvnt will now consider this judgment and decide to do one of 3 things

  1. Ignore it and leave things as they are
  2. Change the law to allow everyone, regardless of their sexuality, to enter into a CP or a marriage
  3. Allow existing CP's to stand but change the law so no further CP's can be offered.

I suspect it will be no 2.

I have no idea if you will still be able to switch from one to the other in future. It was implemented after same sex marriage was introduced to seamlessly allow people who had already entered into a CP before the change in the law the right to have a marriage without have to legally dissolve one before entering into another. That would have massive legal ramifications otherwise.

Lottapianos · 27/06/2018 22:33

'I'm married. I don't need 'marriage -lite' It smacks of I love you, quite a lot, enough for a CP but not to marry you'. Feels a bit sad if anything.'

Dear god. I feel like Bridget Jones surrounded by all the smug marrieds Hmm

P3onyPenny · 27/06/2018 22:34

And the assumption that unmarried women are desperate to get married is so outdated and mysogynistic.Hmm

It's almost as if some married MNers feel threatened by the idea of civil partnership. Just don't get it.

P3onyPenny · 27/06/2018 22:35

"I don't need marriage lite" which is why you're married and your views have nothing to do with today's events.

BlueGlasses · 27/06/2018 22:40

Specialsubject essentially yes. No verbal contract to say in front of witnesses unlike marriage. CP's are formed when the schedule has been signed.

Please can I also say that CP's are not a lite form of marriage. The only differences legally between them is what they are called, how they are initially formed and how they end.

CrunchyChristopher · 27/06/2018 22:40

Also legislation passing through parliament at the moment which, if successful, will see the use of schedules instead of registers for marriages meaning the names of both parents can be recorded on the marriage certificate as they already are on a CP certificate.

If this is true then DP of 24 years, and I will marry. If not Civil Partnership is what we'll do, if we can. Not marrying until my mum's name goes on the certificate. And my MILs name. It also means my name will go on certificate for DDs should they marry.

I object to being the only female name, along with three men on the certificate, being written out of history. Marriage certificates, right now, do not include mothers. This in not acceptable for me. It really matters to me, maybe not others, but to me it vital. So for those of you so nonplussed about why CP, there it is. That is why marriage will not do for me.

CrunchyChristopher · 27/06/2018 22:42
  • Mum and MIL being written out of history...
southeastlondonmum · 27/06/2018 22:49

I am a deeply committed feminist and married to a different sex partner. We have an equal partnership, share child care and status. I struggled with marriage because of the patriarchy. There is no doubt I would have opted for civil partnership had it been open to me ten years ago. Wondering if I could trade !

beardymcbeardy · 27/06/2018 23:11

Really hoping that cp becomes legal for all. I love the idea of getting all the legal rights of being committed partners (which is all marriage is) without all the hooha of a wedding. Its the closest thing to going down to a solicitors and signing a legal document to show me and dp are in a committed relationship recognisable in the eyes of the law. All these people against it just remind me of the bigots against gay marriage. It doesn't affect you so why are you bothered?

RandomMess · 27/06/2018 23:19

I really think it would open many people's eyes to the fact that marriage is really a legally binding contract like CO is...

I had one colleague say "all the legal contract detracts from what it's {marriage} about" I was ShockShockShockShock how is marriage anything other than I scary financial commitment to someone else plus the faith element if you have one!

rose69 · 27/06/2018 23:25

Good point about the mother's names Crunchy.

CPartnership ceremonies have no formal words so couples can write their own script.Smile

MidnightAura · 27/06/2018 23:45

I’m married and both my parents are on my marriage certificate. Is it different in Scotland?

Sinkingfeeling · 27/06/2018 23:53

Midnight, yes, mothers’ names as well as fathers’ are recorded on Scottish (and I think Northern Irish) marriage certificates - I’m also a registrar of births, marriages and deaths.

littlemissdynamite · 27/06/2018 23:56

Agree OP. I think it's a stupid and pointless exercise and a total waste of time for a heterosexual couple to have a civil partnership ... 'oooh the gay people had them so weeee want one! Because it's discrimination against heteros to not allow it!' Hmm

FFS 'civil partnerships' were made specifically for gay people to have the same rights as a married couple, because gay marriage was illegal!

As soon as gay marriage was legalised, civil partnerships should have been obsolete. It was nothing to do with heteros, nor should it ever have BEEN anything to do with them, because it was created for gay people.

This has opened up a right fucking can of worms now! The right-on 'marriage is only a piece of paper,' and 'I am not being owned by a man,' and 'I am not being a Mrs' brigade will all want one now.

People have some bizarre ideas of what marriage is these days! As has been said, marriage is NOT the 'man owns the woman' bollocks it used to be, it's not misogynistic, women don't have to say they will 'obey' men anymore, the woman doesn't have to 'dress in white,' they don't have to be 'given away,' and you can make it what you want, including 'writing your own script' for it. So why couples don't want to get married, and want a 'civil partnership' just baffles me frankly...

Hopefully it never takes off, and is not brought into law, because a civil partnership for heteros is pointless bollocks.

I also have no idea why some people have a problem being called a wife, or them and their man being 'husband and wife.' WTF is wrong with it?! Confused

And if you have kids, whose surname will they have??? Hmmmm? The man's obviously, as they always do! Wink

I did laugh at the suggestion that people who think civil partnerships for heteros are dumb and pointless, are jealous. Of what exactly ??? PMSL!!!

Also agree that a man who doesn't want to get married, is not going to enter into a civil partnership either! He doesn't want tying to a certain woman via marriage, why the hell would he do it via a civil partnership, that will ultimately give her much of the same rights as she would get if she was his wife?!!!

And no-one is 'threatened' by it either. Again... WHY? What is threatening about other couples having civil partnerships??? Confused Nothing, that's what! Like there is nothing to be 'jealous' of. Trust me, a married woman is NOT going to jealous of a woman in a civil partnership - I can promise you that. And you're deluded if you think they will be.

As a pp said earlier, a civil partnership smacks off 'yeah I care about you and have feelings for you, but not enough to marry you...'

Finally, why do people keep coming out with 'you don't have to have all the hoo-har and fuss and expense of a wedding' line?! You don't HAVE to! You can book a slot in the register office for less than £50, buy an outfit from New Look for £30, get 2 witnesses, and be in and out within half an hour! So that doesn't wash!!!

Someone asked 'If it doesn't affect you why are you bothered?'

I just roll my eyes when someone asks that!!! 🙄

It's called 'having an opinion,' and people are entitled to comment and give their views. What's more, the couple went public with their '4 year long battle!,' and this is called a discussion board. People are going to discuss it. Deal with it.