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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not appreciate neighbour just walking through our garden without asking?

68 replies

spydie · 27/06/2018 15:47

As bit of background, we're in a semi detached cottage in a small village. There is an old right of access by foot across the back of the semi for us/next door, and therefore a gate into our garden, between our gardens and one out of theirs.

The gate between the gardens has a lock, we don't have a key but they do. No issue there as we don't have any need to use it and if we did we would ask and arrange a conveneint time. Our neighbours are retirement age and we get on well with them.

Our neighbour likes to bring his lawnmower through as he apparently struggles to get it through the front access to their property. No issue with that. We have recently replaced the fencing on our side and therefore our gate, and it can now only be unlocked from the inside.

AIBU to think it would be courteous to at least knock and ask if he can come through before just walking into our garden, down the side of our house (which he has no right of access over) and unlocking the gate? This has happened loads recently, I'm now on maternity leave and have on a number of occasions recently been startled when he's just appeared (my car is on the drive, there is no reason to think I'm not in) outside our French doors which I have open. The other week I walked out of the downstairs bathroom and he was right outside the bloody window. I basically feel like i have no privacy in my own home or garden. Today I'm really riled as DD is poorly and not at childminder, and again he's come through and left all 3 gates open... I only stuck my head out as I heard a noise and saw the gates open (they have been wide open now for 45 minutes and I'm about to go and close them all as pissed off now). Our DD could (although I admittedly try and keep an eye on her as much as possible but she's allowed in our garden as we always ensure the gates are bolted!!!) have gone out of the gate and made her way down to the road, or even into their garden where they have a huge pond. So AIBU to ask that he perhaps just knocks first to ask/let me know!?

OP posts:
Original poster
spydie · 27/06/2018 16:29

Um I do want to talk to him about it. I've been asking my husband if we could do it together though. Husband has already said we will get a proper lock sorted for it (although no offer from their side to do the same on the middle gate). As I say we get on with them really well it's just more of an issue now I'm permanently at home when he just appears right outside. I know full well from talking to his wife previously that they didn't like it when previous owners would appear outside their windows (hence why they probably locked their gate) so it grates a bit that he has no issue doing it to us, although I don't for a minute thinks it's to be difficult.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 27/06/2018 16:29

Oh God, this looks like a really good thread and I don’t understand any of it.Sad

sprinklesandsauce · 27/06/2018 16:30

YABU about expecting him to ask you to use the right of way. He has a right of way and does not need permission.

YANBU about your child though, and you need to politely remind him that he needs to shut all gates behind him.

YANBU about not having a key for the other gate. So a polite chat is needed, to ensure that you each have access.

I had a right of way over my neighbours alley which I had to use to take the bins out. No way did I knock and ask them each week if I could wheel the bin past. The neighbours higher up than me had a right of way through my garden but never used it, but I never blocked it.

MissedTheMemo · 27/06/2018 16:31

In this situation what I would suggest for everyones convenience and security is:

Gate between gardens remains unlocked (although latched for safety due to the pond) and able to be freely opened from both sides.
Both side doors (external ones in each garden) are locked and you both have a copy of both keys.
Your front gate is locked, only you have the key.

This would mean all external facing gates are locked for security but both parties have free access to the legal right of way.

The right of way is for walking across the back only when needed, it is not free roam around your garden.

ginandtonicdontmindifido · 27/06/2018 16:31

Can I clarify a couple of things

  1. You and your neighbour have access through each other's garden via the gate in the rear of your gardens?
  2. Your neighbour does not have right of access through your front gate?
  3. Your neighbour is preventing your access to the bridleway through their garden
  4. You are preventing his access through your garden from the private drive but not from his own garden.

If the above is correct. I would have a polite conversation with your neighbour stating the following.

  1. You absolutely accept he has ROA through the driveway gate and you will amend the locks to enable that...BUT you would ask that in return he does the followings:
Ensures the gates are closed at all time, to ensure your DD's safety Provides you with access through his garden to the bridleway Does not use your front gate, which you will be locking from the inside for security and safety reasons.
Mummyoflittledragon · 27/06/2018 16:33

Best thing is to talk to your neighbour and come up with an agreement. You also need to be able to access his property as well as him yours otherwise you may lose that right of access. Idk if that would be an issue when selling in the future.

Yes I agree. Everyone has 24/7 access or everyone has access by request only. That’s the only way it’s fair.

I can understand you will be concerned about your child’s safety.

BackToTheFuschia7 · 27/06/2018 16:37

Technically he should have free access at any time without having to knock for permission first.

But why do you both need access like this if it’s a semi detached place? Surely better to just have separate side access and not have to keep walking through each other’s gardens.

bilbodog · 27/06/2018 16:39

Not sure why you need acess across his back garden unless its to the bridle way? But wouldnt the bridleway come out on to the street just next to their house? Cant he access his back garden from the bridleway? Im confused about a front gate being mentiones as the map only shows 3 gates all at the back of the property. I think you need to draw a better diagram and number the gates as well.

Original poster
spydie · 27/06/2018 16:43

@backtothefuschia it is a completely pointless right of access but one that's about 200 years old... We both have front access that runs round the side of each house.

OP posts:
PestymcPestFace · 27/06/2018 16:44

I'm sorry but you don't get on well with your neighbours if you can't have a reasonable conversation with them.

snewname · 27/06/2018 16:47

Explain the safety issue and the shock at the appearance, factor and see what they say.

Original poster
spydie · 27/06/2018 16:48

@ginandtonicdontmindifido yes that's exactly it, and thanks good suggestions there.

@bilbodog it is confusing, just imagine a very old semi detached cottage up a dirt private road at the back of a village with weird boundary lines!! Our 'front gate, is actually at the side and our back gate is also at the side... Confused

OP posts:
persypear · 27/06/2018 16:48

Yes just get proper key locks as above for all the gates, and all of you have a key to each. No biggie.

Although I would also hate having someone randomly cross my garden, he shouldn't have to knock just because he wants to use his lawnmower. It is worth putting trellis up? I've seen that done before. but if it isn;t often then prob not worth it.

massivelyouting · 27/06/2018 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackToTheFuschia7 · 27/06/2018 16:54

Can’t understand why he keeps using that access instead of just going through his own gates then Spydie

Is it just to prove a point that he has the right to use the access or is it he genuinely tricky for him to use his own access? Definitely time for a conversation, mention your concerns about yours DD and how it’s hard to have privacy with this set up. If they don’t want to change then they need to unlock the middle gate and allow you uninterrupted access too. Maybe you appearing in their garden randomly a few times might change their opinion.

TheOrigFV45 · 27/06/2018 16:59

So AIBU to ask that he perhaps just knocks first to ask/let me know!?

No

HTH everyone

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/06/2018 17:03

I agree with Backtothefuschia. Get a access to his garden and just walk across it at various times. Perhaps he will decide to stop using the right of way in which case I’d then get it closed off legally. It will potentially raise the value of your property a little.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 27/06/2018 17:47

but I do need to point out that the gate between our properties is permanently locked and they have a key and we do not. We have right of way over the back of their property, same as they have over ours. It's not just a one way thing. So if anything they are restricting us far more than we are of them.

Couple of options:-

  1. Demand the keys for boundary gate & bridle path and you supply him with a key for your back gate.
  2. You both agree on self closing gates.
  3. You pay to have the ROW moved to the bottom/ends of both gardens. (which will be very very expensive for you)
  4. You move.

Btw does the front gardens wrap around the sides of the houses?

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