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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not appreciate neighbour just walking through our garden without asking?

68 replies

spydie · 27/06/2018 15:47

As bit of background, we're in a semi detached cottage in a small village. There is an old right of access by foot across the back of the semi for us/next door, and therefore a gate into our garden, between our gardens and one out of theirs.

The gate between the gardens has a lock, we don't have a key but they do. No issue there as we don't have any need to use it and if we did we would ask and arrange a conveneint time. Our neighbours are retirement age and we get on well with them.

Our neighbour likes to bring his lawnmower through as he apparently struggles to get it through the front access to their property. No issue with that. We have recently replaced the fencing on our side and therefore our gate, and it can now only be unlocked from the inside.

AIBU to think it would be courteous to at least knock and ask if he can come through before just walking into our garden, down the side of our house (which he has no right of access over) and unlocking the gate? This has happened loads recently, I'm now on maternity leave and have on a number of occasions recently been startled when he's just appeared (my car is on the drive, there is no reason to think I'm not in) outside our French doors which I have open. The other week I walked out of the downstairs bathroom and he was right outside the bloody window. I basically feel like i have no privacy in my own home or garden. Today I'm really riled as DD is poorly and not at childminder, and again he's come through and left all 3 gates open... I only stuck my head out as I heard a noise and saw the gates open (they have been wide open now for 45 minutes and I'm about to go and close them all as pissed off now). Our DD could (although I admittedly try and keep an eye on her as much as possible but she's allowed in our garden as we always ensure the gates are bolted!!!) have gone out of the gate and made her way down to the road, or even into their garden where they have a huge pond. So AIBU to ask that he perhaps just knocks first to ask/let me know!?

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 27/06/2018 16:13

I don’t understand all the gates and where he has right of way to. I need a diagram Wink

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 27/06/2018 16:13

Xpost!! Grin

howabout · 27/06/2018 16:13

YABU to have locked neighbour out of their right of access. Suspect he is deliberately accessing via your garden as annoyingly as possible to make a point. Suggest you go and apologise and discuss reasonable approach to suit both parties.

Tinseltower · 27/06/2018 16:14

I can’t see a photo

Original poster
spydie · 27/06/2018 16:15

And we have equal right of way over their garden, but can't use it as they have locked their gate. We haven't locked ours but he can't open it from the outside either.

OP posts:
IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 27/06/2018 16:15

So you've locked the gate that provides his legal access?

And are now complaining that he has to access your property to unlock it from your side?

On that basis, YABU.....

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/06/2018 16:15

YANBU to be annoyed. But you probably just need to mention it to him.

Tinseltower · 27/06/2018 16:15

I can see it now sorry!

Tinseltower · 27/06/2018 16:16

So if he can’t unlock it how is e getting into your garden? Why does he need to use it?

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 27/06/2018 16:16

So he's using our front gate as the gate can now only be unbolted from inside

You have no right to do that - access means just that! You need to put a lock that can be unlocked from both sides, with a latch & a spring to close it if you're worried about your kid escaping....

Timeisslippingaway · 27/06/2018 16:17

I wouldn't be happy about the gates being left open. Definitely day something about this as it's dangerous.

Tinseltower · 27/06/2018 16:17

Or can you not lock the gate he doesn’t have access to?

ShapelyBingoWing · 27/06/2018 16:20

From what I gather OP, you've changed 'your' gate that he should have right of access through so that it can only be opened from the inside and now when he's coming in with the mower, he let's himself in through your private gate so that he can open the right of access gate, because it now only opens from the inside?

If that's right, it sounds like you've created this issue yourselves.

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 27/06/2018 16:20

Or can you not lock the gate he doesn’t have access to?

If she gives him the access he's legally entitled to through the other gates, he'll have no need to access this gate....

Original poster
spydie · 27/06/2018 16:21

Fair point re him not being able to unbolt gate from outside, but I do need to point out that the gate between our properties is permanently locked and they have a key and we do not. We have right of way over the back of their property, same as they have over ours. It's not just a one way thing. So if anything they are restricting us far more than we are of them.

Tbh just want to say if we are in, could he just knock to say he wants to come through.... We have no issue with him using it but it's the constant just appearing and scaring the life out of me, or as today leaving the gates open.

If that makes any sense!?

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 27/06/2018 16:21

Sounds like you need to have a proper conversation about accessing your respective rights of way whilst keeping both properties secure

Flyme21 · 27/06/2018 16:22

You have blocked his right of access, as others have said. And he has blocked yours. So speak to him (there's an idea...) and tell him that you will be locking the side gate but unlocking the gate between you. Ask him to do the same for you in case you need to use the access at any time. At the same time ask him to close the gate behind him. Job done.

happypoobum · 27/06/2018 16:23

Yeah sorry YABU.

He cannot get access through the gate now because it has a high bolt on it. So he has no choice but to go through your front gate. Did you not forsee this when you changed things?

You should change it back so he can access his right of way. You should take the bolt off.

PestymcPestFace · 27/06/2018 16:25

You have blocked his right of access, not allowed.

You could sit down like grown ups and find a way to have locks and keys for both neighbours for both common access gates. But that does not seem to be what you want.

SilverySurfer · 27/06/2018 16:26

Not sure I fully understand, even with diagram but if you are saying you have locked the gate through which he should have right of access (or if not locked he cannot open from his side for some reason) - then I don't think you can complain if he uses another part of your drive/garden to get his lawn mower into his garden.

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 27/06/2018 16:27

So if anything they are restricting us far more than we are of them.

So have a grown up conversation, buy some locks that can be accessed from both sides for all gates & put springs on them so they automatically shut.

No one should be dependent on the other party being available to allow access.

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 27/06/2018 16:27

Xpost with Pesty Grin

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 27/06/2018 16:28

Could you move the right of way and gates to the bottom end of your garden and fence it off so he isn’t walking by your windows?

cjt110 · 27/06/2018 16:28

Just go and speak with him.

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 27/06/2018 16:29

One of these for each gate - £12 per lock.....

Sorted....

To not appreciate neighbour just walking through our garden without asking?
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