Are you kidding me?

[Nojustn]

I’m normally a browser rather than a poster but hopping mad enough to post today!

So about 5 years ago I got divorced. Ex husband was cheating amongst other things. 4.5 years ago I met my new partner. Ex married the woman he cheated with and we’ve all been civil for the kids since. As part of the being civil I have recently been out on two social occasions with the kids and ex’s new wife.

All good. All adulting well. Right up to her sending my current partner a friend request on Facebook. Rationalising it by telling myself that’s she probably friends everyone and it’s because of the social things but no just no.

He immediately told me about it and asked what he should do.

Can he not just ignore it?

Right to be annoyed. She’s probably innocently taken the otherwise good relationship as meaning everything is in the past.

I’d either decline the request without comment.

Or, if you think this won’t backfire and cause problems, just drop her a message saying “look, appreciate you are just being friendly after we went out recently and I’m pleased we all have a good enough relationship to do that, but I’m sure you will understand why it’s not appropriate for you and Partner to be connected on Facebook.”

She should get that!

Also, a lot of respect to you for being able to operate like this having been cheated on originally, takes a lot to do that.

Maybe she has a hidden agenda?!

She prob friends most people. Just ignore it. I don't think there's any need to make a big deal about it.

I'd imagine she's probably trying to steal your new fella, especially as she stole your old one.

Or she's just one of those people who friend request everyone they know.

Probably the latter.

As part of the being civil I have recently been out on two social occasions with the kids and ex’s new wife.

If your dp was there too then I think yab(a bit)u and probably he should just add her or ignore it. I don’t think there is any malice in itS

She intends to openly spy on you.
Then steal your dp.
She has got to really know your exh and now wants rid.

Oh don’t get me wrong I don’t suspect she’s trying to steal my new chap and don’t think she has any chance if she is but still it’s a bit rude.

But then I knew her to talk to before she stole the last one and didn’t realise her being friendly to me then was leading to that either

Totally get where you are coming from, it’s probably brought back a lot of feelings.

I’d also want some distance so I’d tell him to “Ignore” the request, say nothing to exH and OW and knock the socialising on the head - move back to just keeping it about the kids.

I would just ignore the request or accept but only allow her to see very limited stuff. Some people really do friend everyone they ever meet so it's probably no big deal.

And there will be no reaction. My DP is currently ignoring the request. I know he always has my back so don’t feel I need to do anymore than quietly seethe for a day or so

But then I knew her to talk to before she stole the last one and didn’t realise her being friendly to me then was leading to that either

Your partner being unfaithful to you is what led to that.

accept but only allow her to see very limited stuff.

Yes do that! Then you can have a wee nosy!

Are you on her friends list?

YANBU - I would tell your present partner to decline the 'offer' and yes - she is being completely cheeky

I think you are acting very much the adult and yes, that is taking the piss on her behalf - ignore and move on

Nah not really interested. I’m pretty sure she has a fairly boring life doing very little from small conversations we’ve had and what I know of my ex.

Rosie is right, if you're one of her FB friends already then it's much less weird and inappropriate. If you aren't and she's gone straight for him then yes, she's taking the piss.

She may also just trying to shit stir, with the situation as it is it wouldn’t be hard to figure out the dynamics. Unfortunately some people do it just because they can....

Wow she's lining him up!!! Or she is spectacularly thick & clueless.
Good grief the cheek of some people.

I hope he just ignores it OP.

She was probably trying to have a nosy and hit the friend button by accident. I've done that before 😂

Just tell him you think he should ignore it. Her motivations for doing so don't really require forensic analysis. All this said, husbands, wives, partners etc can not be stolen.

So she's requested your DP but not you too? Yes I'd be bloody annoyed at that, very inappropriate

@Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname

She intends to openly spy on you.
Then steal your dp.
She has got to really know your exh and now wants rid.

Nice one 🤣

The FB request would be the end of any friendly socialising for me. You're being too nice and too civilised, and that's allowed her to gloss over what happened in the past. I'm sure she's forgotten all about her part in the break-up of your marriage.

The woman your ex cheated on you with thinks it's acceptable to add your partner on FB? That is beyond CF behaviour.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

I agree OP, very tactless of her considering she was the OW and the reason you and your exh divorced.

Maybe she’s just one of these people who friend ‘everyone’. Has she ever sent you a friends request? But again, it’s very insensitive of her, or she doesn’t care about how you feel (which she obviously doesn’t)