If you have all been out ‘socially’ and trying to maintain a friendship for kids sake I would have told my husband to accept it. It was probably as daunting and nerve racking for her to send the request in case it causes problems.
I think we’ll done to you all for making the effort. It will be worth it in the longer run.
I’ve been with my other half nearly 6 years and all my family, partner, his children, mine, his ex-wife’s new partner and kids, the ex, her parents, siblings and kids all try to get on. We have Xmas dinner together and have for last 4 years, we have cuppas at each other’s houses, we went to her engagement party and she will be at our wedding party.
I’ve always tried to be friends with her as I’m looking after her children and grandchildren and I want her to feel safe and secure that I’m not trying to take her place as mum, but looking after them as I would want somebody to look after and care for my children.
I don’t like the idea of having to split celebrations up so everybody gets around the kids.
Where we live it was initially looked at and gossiped about as we bought a house she now rents for her, her partner and the boys and grandchildren can stay. This is a few houses away but ensures all kids feel secure in the new relationships, partner sees his kids etc easier.
His son found it hard was very insecure and naughty when they lived further away and say dad on a fri. He hated thinking my kids saw his dad more often than he did, because I have girls as well he was worried his dad would like my girls more than him.
So we all decided that living nearer where lads pop in whenever they want and know they are wanted here as much.
I won’t say it’s bedn easy as she is a lunatic, but have learned the signs to look for and make myself busy then so no arguments occur as I can’t stand friction.
It was hard to keep my mouth shut in some instances as she has been vile and aggressive during first few years but has explained she felt insecure in her mum status and scared kids would prefer me so openly admits she tried to turn them against me because she was scared of losing them.
But overall it’s works well and the screaming drunken calls and texts don’t occur as they did at the start.
So OP it’s worthwhile continuing your social outings etc to know each other as yourselves as in any other friendship not as ex’s or new partners; just for peace you will get and somebody fighting your corner when stepkids are acting up too.
What would you and your husband do if you had met a new couple socially and started going places and you were friend requested?
I only have one rule in ours and that is we don’t take about her ex/my new partner and past etc. I got to know her as a person and her me over years as I’ve always thought most people generally like similar traits in people and looks and I’ve always thought maybe if met under different circumstances we would get on or have stuff in common and that’s how we keep it.