I didn't quit my job so I could run around after everyone else... AIBU?

[Superbirdtrooperbird]

After struggling for months with serious anxiety, a spell in hospital with an unknown allergic reaction and a complete and total mental breakdown, I decided to leave my job. DH earns enough that I'm lucky to be able to do so, for a year realistically. We're moving in the summer holidays and I want to get as much packing/clearing done while the kids are at school so when the holidays come, we can just go.

After all the 'so you won't work at all, whatever will you do with yourself?' comments had settled down, I started to become the go-to gal for things that other people can't fit into their day.
This week alone I have picked up prescriptions for SiLs kids, waited in for a delivery and the gas man for her, run countless errands for my mum and been 'emergency' child care for 2 friends (the emergency being they'd been out for lunch and chatted too long so wouldn't get to school in time). It's always preceeded by 'seeing as you're not working, could you...'

I've said no to a few things this week too. I'm fully in the 'no is a complete sentence' camp, and I'm assertive enough that if I can't/don't want to do something, I won't. But AIBU? DH thinks I'm not, but I always have the little niggly guilty feeling when I say no. If it's a genuine emergency, I'll do it. But I feel like there's a degree of cheeky fuckery going on here, and I need honest opinions!

For information, I have 2 DCs myself, and DH works long hours, a very long way away so I do have my own shit to be getting on with. I'm not the lady of leisure that everyone seems to think I am!

Have a separate phone ring or text sound for people that have done this. Then you know immediately whether to pick up the call or not! DH used to do this to manage a boss based in the US who did not 'understand' UK bank holidays/time differences. He had the Imperial March from Star Wars I believe.

You can still carry on doing swaps with people who are respectful.

I think you have muddied the water with SIL by paying her I'm afraid. I can see why you did it but I find it hard to imagine asking a relative to do this unless I was actually on my uppers...

Sil is pretty cheeky expecting you to do her favours but that she be paid! You need to stop that imbalance.

I mean if I were the relative I wouldn't be asking for money - maybe petrol if it was very out of my way and I was hard up, I suppose.

You can refuse without feeling under any obligation to explain why.
I've also had the whole "what do you do with yourself all day?" thing and I never reply - people I'm close to know the answer and anyone else is just trying to criticise/patronise so they can fuck off

This is really about your SIL, isn't it? And I'm not surprised. She's quite the cheeky fucker.

I hope you're charging her for all the errands you're doing for her.

YANBU my husband gave up work just over a year ago because of stress and the effect it was having on his mental health.

He still gets people doing as you describe. He will do some things but has also had to get used to saying 'no' sometimes as he does actually have other things to do. People just assume he must be set at home bored all day!

YABU you literally have nothing to do all day other than school run and some household chores. Very easy for you to do small tasks to help out family. Friends I would help emergency only, not so they can chill with a coffee...

YANBU. Think they are taking the piss!

Say no until they stop asking, then hopefully you'll only be asked if it is an emergency. If you pay SiL then you need to be paid too. The CF of "ping the money"

Just wait, you'll be asked to look after kids constantly in the summer holidays.

I think I would just get used to saying 'I can't do that.' No explanation or whatever, screen calls and text back to avoid a debate.
This. Your time is your time - you get to spend it exactly how you want, without having to justify it to anyone.

I feel a related pain - I have two part time jobs (and a preschooler) and each job believes that they are the only thing I do all week apart from eat biscuits.

Just lie about having other things on. They'll soon stop asking

Tell them all to sod off , they coped before they can now

I 5hink it’s even worse that your year off is about RECOVERING from illnesses.
I mean who is asking some one in recovery to help them with chidkcare, wait for the gas man etc...?

I 5hink it’s even worse that your year off is about RECOVERING from illnesses.
I mean who is asking some one in recovery to help them with chidkcare, wait for the gas man etc...?

Someone like Elasticity, who's the only one I've so far seen who says OP is BU. I hope she is joking, but I didn't get that vibe.

Elasticity sounds like a cheeky fucker too.
Op has said she is recovering from illness, why should she compromise her health to accommodate others?

Just keep saying, "Sorry, I'm busy."

“No, I’m busy”

And you are, recovering while doin. Whatever the fuck else you want to do.

Send a text stating that you are recovering from illness and can no longer do favours -no need to elaborate .
Ps prescriptions can be done online and home delivered now.
Sooo convenient for CF SIL

I managed to find alternative arrangements on the day of the hospital app, a friend asked DS round for tea and I said we couldn't as I was at a hospital appt and she said 'oh well I'll just pick him up from school, DD can come too if she wants'. SiL was pretty miffed.
Thing is, I used to pay her as she did every school run, all week and she wasn't working herself so I figured we were helping her out. I didn't realise she planned to continue the payment agreement after I'd left work! She's asked me to do a few days childcare in the holidays in return for a mani/pedi (she's a beautician). I've already made my excuses as to why I can't!

Elasticity yes, that's correct. I do fuck all, all day
Actually, I've had a few days where I have done fuck all, and it's felt great. DCs (11&9) school is at the end of our road so they have walked to and from school themselves a few times, and it's been lovely. However, most of my days are spent doing things that I never had time for when I was working full time. You know, fun stuff like packing to move house, cleaning out the minging wheelie bins, going to see a therapist regularly without worrying about booking time off work and finding someone to cover me etc etc.
If DH comes home on occasion and sees that I'm still in my pyjamas, he literally doesn't care. And if my husband doesn't care, no other fucker should either. So there.

It's your year off. You are entitled to do fuck all if you so wish.

Sometimes, doing fuck all one day, really gets you going for the next.

I find that Tali
Sometimes even the thought of doing certain tasks exhausts me, but if I spend a while planning how to achieve them (in pj's obviously) then I'm all the more focused the next day.
I never used to have that problem, when I was working I literally never stopped until the moment I got into bed. But a spate of illness (physical and mental) put paid to that. I'm getting used to a slower pace of life now, and it's helping.

If you are moving house you need to start packing and sorting now. Label the boxes per room that they will go into. Have boxes for charity, recycle, rubbish. Your health should be your priority and getting organized to move second. Start informing utilities that you are moving. Set up the post forwarding service. All other tasks for non immediate family need to wait.

No is a complete answer, turn and walk away.