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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at hubby for taking 'my thing'

45 replies

raysan1 · 25/06/2018 22:55

This might sound petty but when we moved house, i found somewhere with a nice, family-friendly local pub where we could pop round casually a couple of times a week, meet people and generally have a laugh. It was part of my dream but not OH's and he refuses to come 90% of the time i ask him.

The stinger comes when his best mate visits, they head straight to my local and have that life I wanted (but OH did not want). I am expressly not welcome. And he comes home and tells me what a good time they had... with a tone (i swear) as if he thinks it will make me happy. Obvs makes it 100x worse!!

Reason i might be unreasonable is that i have plenty of friends and opportunities to be centre of attention where it's like a rare treat for him.... if only it was something different like football or darts or painting by numbers that i don't care about!!
I did tell him how i feel, so took me out for dinner. Just us. By ourselves. It was nice but cemented the fact i am not welcome with him at the pub.

OP posts:
Cutyourshakehole · 25/06/2018 22:58

So you like to go to he pub to speak to people and he went with his friends and liked it..? What’s the bit about being centre of attention

Original poster
raysan1 · 25/06/2018 23:05

I am trying to understand why i am not invited... speculating that he likes going without me to be centre of attention.
That bit could be nonsense of course!

OP posts:
Temporaryanonymity · 25/06/2018 23:09

I don't get it.

AmazingPostVoices · 25/06/2018 23:10

I’m not entirely sure that I’ve quite understood the issue.

It doesn’t on the face if it seem unreasonable that he should have time alone with his best friend. That’s pretty normal.

Is your issue that they go to your local? Again, it would seem normal to go to your local pub for a drink.

If he does sometimes go to the pub with you the issue isn’t that he doesn’t want to out with you just that he doesn’t want to go to the pub twice a week. Again, I think that’s fine.

Not everyone is as social as everyone else. Twice a week at the pub would be far too much for me, but I’d quite happily go with my best friend occasionally for a quiet drink and a catch up.

HollowTalk · 25/06/2018 23:12

Are you able to go to the pub without him (ie with friends)? He sounds really selfish going and then telling you all about it, as though you'd be happy for him, when he knows you want to go yourself!

Is he normally a selfish man?

Are you happy with him?

AmazingPostVoices · 25/06/2018 23:12

speculating that he likes going without me to be centre of attention

That’s quite an... odd thought. Why would a couple of blokes having a drink at their local be the centre of anyone’s attention?

cariadlet · 25/06/2018 23:13

I'm struggling to understand the problem.

You sound a bit more outgoing than your OH and you seem to like going to the pub to be very sociable and to chat to loads of people. Your OH doesn't like that kind of night out, but he thinks that the pub is a good place to go and have a chat with his best mate.

Why does talking to his best mate equate with wanting to be the centre of attention? (And your talk of enjoying being the centre of attention and having lots of opportunities to be so does come across as being a bit self centred).

Why does he need to invite you? I'm sure he wouldn't expect to be invited if you were going out for the evening to chat to your best friend.

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 25/06/2018 23:13

But you said he declines 90% of the time, so he does go, just not as often as you like. It may be hes not really a fan of "just going" many times a week/ month but with a friend its different like when users talk about going out with their friends and say it changes if a dp/dh is there

whythoughgyno · 25/06/2018 23:15

I think I get it. You want both of you to enjoy going to the pub together but he isn't keen. However he will happily go to this pub with his friend. So he won't go with you but he will go with him. Yes that is shit.

And when he does go he doesn't want you to join. I can understand why he would want time for just his friend but it would be nice if he wanted to go with just you as well.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/06/2018 23:16

So he likes spending time with his best mate who he doesn't see that often but you can't go because if you did you'd be the centre if attention??

Giving how ott you're being about this when it seems you can go to the pun with your friends without him whenever you want, I can understand why he thinks you'd make the pun trip all about you

Original poster
raysan1 · 25/06/2018 23:17

Guess it bothers me more than others! Tbh it is not a deal breaker, i am just cross. Yes, he is usually selfish.

Cannot remember the last time he went with me and when his mate is available, its several times a week.

They get to having a few drinks, making friends, making jokes, strangers buying them drinks and all this.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 25/06/2018 23:18

Why can't you go on your own? Men go to the pub on their own, so in this time of Equality, why can't you?

SleepingStandingUp · 25/06/2018 23:18

So you go without him?

Inertia · 25/06/2018 23:25

Could you go to the pub with your friends then?

BlondeB83 · 25/06/2018 23:25

Grab a friend and go without the selfish bastard!

Candyflip · 25/06/2018 23:26

My DH does something similar, he travels a lot and I visit when I can, but he will always go to places that I have expressed an interest in and then act like I will be happy that he got the opportunity. No fuck off sunshine.

ijustwannadance · 25/06/2018 23:28

Bloke wants to go to the pub with his mate, alone, to sit and drink and chat. Why are you so desperate to be there?

Why do you need to be the centre of attention and why do you think he would even want to be?

Are you one of those who thinks you're the life and soul but in reality you have a few drinks and get on peoples tits?

Original poster
raysan1 · 25/06/2018 23:28

Thanks for the perspective. Am not totally up for going by myself (yet) but i can meet up with a friend if i fancy the pub and he doesn't (or is with his mate).
@whythough, you put it well. It's all fine, i just feel a bit shit about it.
Cheers

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 25/06/2018 23:28

Candy why is your husband off travelling the world without you??

Noqont · 25/06/2018 23:31

Well it's a bit shit if he'll go with his mate but he won't go with you.

welshmist · 25/06/2018 23:31

Lads do like their male bonding time. To be honest, I have a better time with the girls anyway so I do not begrudge my OH.

mancmummy1414 · 25/06/2018 23:32

Oh the irony that taking unauthorised pictures of children is MUCH more ‘nonce’ like.
Your friends are twats.
I am the mum of a toddler little boy and I would hope there was someone like you around should I ever find myself in that awful situation

mancmummy1414 · 25/06/2018 23:33

Haha - wrong thread! Duhh

ThistleAmore · 25/06/2018 23:35

So...basically, sometimes you go to the pub with your mates but not your OH, and sometimes your OH goes to the pub with his mate but not you?

I'm really struggling to see the problem here.

HollowTalk · 25/06/2018 23:35

I don't think the OP begrudges him a night out with his friends. It's the fact he won't go out with her, when she wants him to and in fact moved there for that sole bloody reason, that is bugging her.

OP, do you have kids? If not, I'd pack my bags while he's off being the centre of attention.