Daughter going through my stuff

[AllCleverAndThat]

My 14yo dd (only child) is home alone until around 6 after school. I remarried around 7 years ago(in case that’s relevant and so as not to drip). She is always in our room when I’m at work. I’ve hidden my vibrator in a suitcase and sex books in with old clothes but I’m concerned about her finding adult things. She claims not to but it is clear things have been moved and she has form for doing that. We have a latch lock on the inside (as even at 9, 10) she was still coming into our room without knocking. Replacing the lock for one that locks inside and out seems to be taking it too far.

Any suggestions?

I had some - ahem - adult things stashed away, then I noticed my DD was becoming quite nosy. I was worried she might discover some things she shouldn't and after mulling it over, and realising I had no alternative place to hide them, I had to throw them all out. Nothing else to be done. Still quite pissed off about it, but at the end of the day it's more important my DD doesn't find a copy of a sex book - she is nosy and would definitely flick through one if she found it. Bloody kids.

If she is old enough to be left alone she is old enough to understand “don’t snoop”

Lock box in your room?

Just get a small case with a lock and keep the key with you or tape it to the back of a picture frame. Otherwise yes a lock-if she can't be trusted then no choice really. Do you respect her privacy and not go in her room? If so then she should respect yours. I'm presuming you have spoken to her about this already Clever?

I suppose there's an element of curiosity involved here.
Perhaps they wonder 'if' mum has these things - effectively wondering if you engage in some private moments?

Finding a toy or a book would just confirm that yes, it's something most adults do. I'm guessing it's never been discussed?

Sorry just read that u already have some things in a case but I'd put the books in there too. Anothet thought-hidden camera and tell her that it's there?

Hidden cameras sounds very OTT (to me). It also suggests there's something to hide!

What I mean is so that she's aware there's a camera just not where it is! Does she deny going in there? What's she looking for/doing in there -trying yr clothes on for instance?

I would just put the books in a book case, could never get my children to look in there once they grew out of Enid Blyton

Well I can certainly remember snooping in my mums room and finding the Joy of Sex as a teenager... it didn’t offer any insight into sex since I’d been reading my brothers Mayfair magazines since I was 11 ( but it did put me off bearded men for a number of years). In your place I would buy a lockable case for my toys ( available from Love Honey etc) while continuing to emphasise the rights of individuals to privacy. Perhaps she has a desire to keep some of her own belongings private ( like journals etc) that you could start snooping through to illustrate the point. I think however a 14 year old with un fettered access to the internet is likely to be pretty clued up about sex - so I doubt she’s going to be eternally damaged by what she might find ( other than it belongs to her mother which in itself is obviously horrific. 😀)

lol @ welshmist - good idea, hide them in plain sight

Put the toy in the kitchen and tell 'em it's a blender

Hide them in the cleaning cupboard

I would just get a lock for your door, though. I couldn't stand someone rummaging through my things.

Is it maybe time to have a chat about 'that' stuff?

Might be going against the general consensus here but leave the sex stuff where it is, let her find it if she snoops and hope the understanding that her mother is having sex is enough to put her off snooping further!

@SpiritedLondon I found the exact same book in my parents room when I was about 13!

Have you told her to stop snooping? She might feel embarrassed enough to pack it in if you announce that you know what she's up to. She'd deny it if you asked, of course, so cut to the chase.

She tries on clothes, makeup etc.
She has privacy in her room and we have talked about it. She also reads paperwork ‘why did uncle Ben ask for a loan?’. As much as it’s discussed it has no effect .

leave it where it is. she is old enough to understand her mother has a sex life and she shouldn't be snooping!

Just change the lock on the door. You'll always be worried she is snooping so nip it in the bud now.

I would leave it where it is as well.

She’s old enough to know better, and maybe if she finds something that embarrassed her she’ll stop.

I found something I shouldn’t when I was about the same age, I’d gone into mum’s room for sanitary towels and had a little snoop. Let’s just say, when I found what I found, I was mortified and hence forth stuck to the drawers I knew contained only sanpro!

(I would consider a lock as if you use them she’s not far off the age when she’ll be ‘borrowing’ hair straighteners and make up)

I think the main part of my sex education came from reading my Uncles and aunts sex books. I babysat for my cousins and poked around while the kids were asleep as there wasnt anything else to do. My mind was blown by some things I read and saw but explained other things I hadnt understood references to.
If she wants to poke around let her - and let her take the consequences.

I'd be more pissed with the fact she was using my make up.

I'd buy a lock

Why don’t you set a jack In The box type trap - something that creates a fair amount of mess eg glitter or flour bomb so that either she has to clean it up or is clearly caught out snooping? Might be enough to put her off doing it again?