To ask about having a baby in your 40s..

[KM99]

Quick back story. I'm 42, DH is 41. We have a 4 year old DS. We had a couple of early miscarriages before DS was born. Basically fell pregnant 3 times in one year.

Fast foward and we've been trying for another for the past 12 months. I've been checked and all fine, DH about to get checked. Biggest challenge is finding the time!

I'm starting to feel a little tired of the constant treadmill of trying and worrying that even if it happens for us what will life be like with a baby/toddler as I approach mid 40s

I know the odds aren't good and we knew that risk going into this. DH seems to think we just keep going, but I wonder if it isn't better to stop before I hit 43 early next year.

Would love to hear anyone elses stories about having a baby in your 40s.

Twins a week before my 43rd birthday but via IVF privately funded. The figures are going unto your 40s despite everyone telling you if their Auntie/friend or a friend/2nd cousin/work colleague who was pregnant after at 49.

Your best bet is to talk about how you want to pursue this. Are you both prepared you go down the fertility route - if so, start investigations now - be prepared to fund it yourself.

Good luck OP

Sorry should have read the the figures are bleak.

My grandmother was 41 when she had my aunt and 43 when she had my father.

You'll stop trying because you'll say you're too old, you'll relax and concentrate on your littlun and you'll fall!

I had our last and final at 44.

If you are both fine then the main problem you have is lack of regular sex. If you sort that out then you will likely fall pregnant.

Oh I'm pregnant now at 43 and I have a maternal history of women giving birth in their 40s, and some of any age having twins.

Had my first at 41 and second at 44. Both lovely teens now.

I am my mum’s only child, she was nearly 43 when I was born. I was born at 36 weeks, breech, vaginal birth! But everything else all fine, she just said she wished she’d had more energy!

Oh shut up. You’ll be fantastic.

I had my 4th- a surprise at 44- 2 weeks before my 45th Birthday.

Hope it all works out for you.

I had my last one 2 months before I turned 44, after 2 miscarriages.

First and only at 41.
Hard to know what to compare with.
Guess energy levels are lower but patience and practicality is higher. Not sure that analysis covers everything and everyone. I developed serious health problems that weren't caused by being pregnant so not sure I am good example.

2nd at 39 and am now 43 and trying for another . Have said at 44 if it hasn’t happened we wil stop

First at 41. Second at 44. As someone said above, maybe less energy, but far more patience. And a better work-life balance than would have been possible earlier on. But at the end of the day: it is never really a choice; it just is what it is. When I was in my twenties I never planned to have children late. And now I have them, I can’t imagine having had them early.

Cant comment on the pregnancy side of things, but can assure you that being a mum to little 'uns in your 40s if fine. I am 46 and have a 10 month old and 26 month old (both adopted). Yes, it is knackering, but no more so than if I was a decade younger. More positively, I have greater patience than I would have done if I'd had children in my 20s or 30s and we are also more settled financially. I have also been happy to put my career on hold which I would have struggled with if I was younger. Swings and roundabouts.

• As someone else said, there's never a 'right' time.

Had my first at 40, just started IVF investigations and just about to start the meds when I fell naturally.
2nd at 43 no problems.
I had more patience and they havent missed out on anything due to 'lack of energy' at my grand old age.
Good luck, relax and enjoy it if it happens.

I had a baby at 45. There's no chance that the chances are lower in your 40s than when you're younger but as you see from this thread it can happen. I really wouldn't give up because of negative thoughts about being a parent in your 40s: it's tiring but makes me feel younger and privileged.
The difficult thing is not letting it dominate your lives now in case it doesn't happen. I don't know how you deal this with that but certainly if you can, I wouldn't let your age influence your decision.

We've only got one child but I had her at almost 44. We're so grateful for her as we didn't fancy our chances much of becoming parents at our age. We've both got lots of energy still and having her has given us a new lease of life.

I had our one and only when I was four months off turning 40. We had six consecutive miscarriages prior to that. We tried for another two years later, never happened as it turned out I was going through early menopause. Nothing stopping you trying, my pregnancy was fine, good luck.

Second at 41 after trying for 2 months. Didn’t enjoy the pregnancy, felt sick and exhausted throughout but that could have been me being a lazy arse pre pregnancy rather than age !
Baby born naturally with no complications.
Despite hearing that the odds are against you, there are lots of success stories too

Friend naturally conceived twins at 44. They werent ttc. All good. Twins now 9. Friend has always had lots of stamina and copes very well. The kids are lovely.

My amazing obstetrician recommended DHEA ( vitamin but only available in US) after 2 miscarriages. He said he has a 70% success rate of older women who take it. I took it and pregnant with DD 3 months later at 43. Could have been a coincidence but I thought it was wonderful. Husband didn't take it but should have done apparently.

Ps very good luck with it!!

Not me, but my Gran had twins at 43!

And I had a friend have a baby at 46 recently