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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend won’t buy rounds!

77 replies

Alladvicegratefullyreceived · 24/06/2018 23:05

Went to pub with two friends and one paid for a round for us all (they were paying me back for something anyway so square). Second friend didn’t lift a finger out of their pocket, waited until the end and said they didn’t want another drink, never goes to the bar or buys a round. I didn’t offer on principle as have noticed a pattern. Aib unreasonable?

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 25/06/2018 12:56

I suffer terrible social anxiety if I'm in a round. If someone buys me one I can't really relax until I've bought them one back. Then I end up staying longer than I want to because I'm working for a chance to buy one for someone who bought me one ...would much rather buy my own.

hididdlyhoneighborino · 25/06/2018 13:05

Me too SerenDippitty, I hate it.

LakieLady · 25/06/2018 13:06

People who try and avoid getting their round annoy me no end, and I'm very blunt with them now; I just say "I think it's your round now" and, if necessary, argue the toss when they try and wriggle out of it.

At one place I worked, a few of us used to go to the pub most lunchtimes, rounds would be bought and the same guy would go to absurd lengths to avoid paying. He'd stand there for ages with an inch of beer in his glass until someone else finished theirs and offered to get the next one . He even hid in the toilet once when he was the first to arrive, so that the round was under way by the time he came out.

I just used to tell him, "Bill, it's your round, you haven't bought one for a week". Even then, he would do this odd dance that involved patting all his pockets before he told you he'd left his wallet in the office/car/at home. That didn't work either, I'd just lend him the money and tell him he could pay me back the next day, and he always did.

Odd really, because in all other respects he was a very kind and generous man.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/06/2018 13:16

These CF probably won't say no thank you to rounds I am sorting myself out. They let everybody pay for them, so they have free booze all night. And sneakily disappear when it's their turn.

Birdsgottafly · 25/06/2018 13:16

I used to go out drinking around three times a week. I'll happily split the Bil in restaurants.

I won't get into rounds. It either means that I'm drinking more/less than I want to. Don't feel as though I can order a Southern Comfort, if I feel like one, or want to "Nurse" a Shandy.

I find the easiest way to avoid it is to get myself a bottle of Wine, if we are staying. But I'm quite straight about it. I have a budget, I was a part time working LP and I wasn't going to pay for someone else to drink.

BlueBlooded · 25/06/2018 13:23

🙈 I only do 'rounds' if I'm going out with one friend, then it's not really rounds is it. 😂
I buy my own drinks and if it's someone's birthday or wedding etc then will buy them one too but that's it.
DH and I don't really drink so we stopped doing rounds... we used to always end up stuck with an expensive night if we have a £2 coke and everyone else has a £5 beer!

Justanotheruser01 · 25/06/2018 13:28

I dont drink alcohol normally im not buying a round of double vodka coke prosecco fancy cider for my diet coke which tbh one or two is plenty of. But i will say no thank you and explain why i dont go into rounds and people are generally fine with it

WerkSupp · 25/06/2018 13:42

his gives me rage but ironically I have been suffering a friend doing this for 20+ years.

It is so maddening but has gone on so long I don't know how to broach it now without having a completely Ott reaction to being tricked into buying her a cup of coffee or whatever.

This person is not a friend, though. Why would you continue to meet her? Or meet her any place that involved buying something? Is it really so hard to send her a text if you choose to meet at a place that involves paying to say, we will be paying for our own today. I am on a budget and need to watch the pennies?

QuimReaper · 25/06/2018 13:47

Rounds can be tricky, but in extremely busy bars where you wait an age to be served, it's the only sane way to go.

agentdaisy · 25/06/2018 13:51

I'm so glad my friends hate rounds as much as I do. It's so awkward having to keep up with how fast/slow everyone else is drinking. I also don't like beer/cider/wine so drink vodka/cocktails and I feel that I can't ask someone who's drinking a £3 beer to buy me a £6 cocktail.

BMW6 · 25/06/2018 13:55

I would have no hesitation in saying to the CF at the start "Your turn to get them in as I noticed you didn't get a round in last time". Call them out on it every single time. If a person cannot afford to buy rounds there is no shame in just buying their own, but they must NOT accept drinks from others.

I stopped being included in rounds years ago - it is just simpler to buy my own.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/06/2018 15:17

I would rather queue up at a bar, than get a round.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 25/06/2018 15:39

I can't remember the last time I did rounds. We usually just set up a tab and pay at the end. If someone doesn't have much they can say and just pay their share.

ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3 · 25/06/2018 15:49

It was many moons ago that I used to go out drinking.
There could be a whole gang of us, from 3 to 15, one was notorious for this, she didn't join the round but would give you the cash for her drink, more often than not she'd offer up the £1.50 for her half of lager (that's how long ago it was) in twopence pieces Shock
She used to jump out of taxis 'desperate' for a wee too.
Yes, she was a mighty CF.
Feel cross thinking about her now. Angry

ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3 · 25/06/2018 15:52

And I'm sure she had the same tuppenny bits for years because no-one wanted to be saddled with a purse full of detritus.
The fucker.

WellTidy · 25/06/2018 15:56

I had a friend who would happily go along with the round, but when it got towards her round, would drink very slowly, so she wouldn't go to the bar. I used to find it really embarrassing. I thought I was the only one who noticed, but a couple of other people have mentioned it to me since then. I think it would have been fine had it not happened so very many times, or she excused herself from the round at the outset, or just didn't say yes every time it was somebody else's round!

My friend also used to take the mick when it came to birthday presents. We were part of a large group, and when it was somebody's birthday, one of us would buy a present for the birthday girl from the rest of us. The idea being that each of the group would take a turn buying the present. She never took her turn, and would say things like "I think I bought the last one" or we would choose a present and get to the till and she wouldn't reach into her bag or anything.

We once went to a wedding, and she didn't take her purse! How she thought she would get home (we were getting taxis) or pay for drinks, I don't know.

I'm happy to say that she is a lot better now! I don't know if anyone said anything, but it doesn't happen anymore. I'm glad as she is a really nice person, and it wasn't showing her in a good light.

Now that I am older, I think I would say something along the lines of "Is it my round? No, it can't be, I've already bought one" and then leave a pause.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/06/2018 16:17

With regards to a tab, everyone should for what they drank, it identifies fair on a person who has had a couple of drinks to sub those who are drinking like fish.

Rantymare · 25/06/2018 16:30

The only advantage of rounds I think is fi it's busy it's quicker for everyone to get served at once. Other than that, id much rather sort my own drink out. If I want pop and everyone else is on alcohol doesn't happen that often admittedly I'm not getting my money's worth in a round. If I want wine and everyone else is on beer, I feel I'm being cheeky.

Fluffyears · 25/06/2018 17:38

I’ve come across a few, mil plays the doddering old biddy card but she is such a self centred, selfish woman thatbit calculated. If DH picks her up for anything (as obviously she likes to be driven around at our time and expense, shenis wrgevtou able bodied but lazy as hell), she’ll say ‘oh son i’m Desperate for a tea (she has a perfectly functional kettle) let’s go to abc fancy cafe for something!’ Song ff they go and DH will have a coke and she’ll get a tea, a breakfast and a tea cake. When they get to the till and are given the price she just stands there. DH doesn’t begrudge him Mum a meal or tea but it is continual. We went out recently and I decided to get a maccy D as I was hungry. I had the exact money in change and when we said we’re heading to McDonald’s do you want anything? She said ‘oh well if you’re offering!’ Well we weren’t and I had to use my card whereas I wanted to use the change I had! Grrrr

CF 1 was a schoolfriend so i’d known her since we were 5. There was a group of 5 and when we got to drinking age we’d head out on a Saturday night. (Until I caught CF 1 trying to snog my boyfriend). She’d just stand back, sonher roubd would come up and we’d all be nursing empty glasses and raising our eyebrows at each other until one of us got in a 2nd round. So one night halfway home in the taxi I tackled her ‘so CF1 we all bought two rounds each and you didn’t so you’ll be paying the taxi!’ She sneered at me and said ‘Well I was going to obviously!’ Not obvious to us as we’re halfway home and no mention of taxi fare until I brought it up. She was a spoiled girl and I wasn’t knocking my pan in in Asda part time whilst at uni to subsidise her.

CF2 is nick-named ‘the artful dodger. Oh I forgot my purse’ ‘I need to make a phone call’ etc etc. She lived at home and boasted she paid nothing (was always in designer clothes),she also earned twice as much as me and my other friend. She liked champagne cocktails when it was our rounds but when Forbes to buy a round suddenly ‘oh I fancy something different don’t you?’ And try a buy a much cheaper round. No love you enjoyed two cocktails on us so get your purse out!

MismatchedStripySocks · 25/06/2018 18:16

I have only ever heard of a kitty on MN. It sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, what if someone walks off with the cash or loses it?!!

Abandoned · 25/06/2018 18:27

Wow. Can't say I've ever had this problem. Or a 'crowd' of friends Hmm

What a different world...

TheDowagerCuntess · 25/06/2018 19:27

People really know how to make things complicated...

Original poster
Alladvicegratefullyreceived · 25/06/2018 22:32

All good points. The bit uothread about not feeling relaxed until you’ve bought your round is me all over! I would be mortified to have someone sub me and can’t full relax until I’ve either got them a drink (whether I want one or not!!) or have paid them cash. I think that’s why I don’t get it when other people are happy to take advantage.

Second thing is that I feel really misery going up to the bar without saying would you like anything? CFs always pounce here. I don’t want to be rude but equally I walk right into it. How can I handle this?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Alladvicegratefullyreceived · 25/06/2018 23:36

Bump

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 26/06/2018 00:50

That's exactly my mindset around it, Alladvice, so I don't have any advice!

Except in this situation, where you know you're dealing with a 'taker', I really would just buy your own and don't even have a conversation.

You don't need to worry about appearing 'rude' to someone who can out-rude you any day of the week.