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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend won’t buy rounds!

77 replies

Alladvicegratefullyreceived · 24/06/2018 23:05

Went to pub with two friends and one paid for a round for us all (they were paying me back for something anyway so square). Second friend didn’t lift a finger out of their pocket, waited until the end and said they didn’t want another drink, never goes to the bar or buys a round. I didn’t offer on principle as have noticed a pattern. Aib unreasonable?

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 25/06/2018 01:20

You know she doesn't pay her fair share, so don't get into a round in the first place.

Just pay for your own (and anyone else who has the cop on not to take the piss), and leave her to pay for herself.

You don't even need to have a conversation.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 25/06/2018 01:25

Easy way to solve that in future...let tight fisted friend buy their own drinks in future, and the rest of you buy your rounds...when tight fisted friend asks why they aren't included just say you all bought rounds (and bought him/her drinks) then when it was his/her turn they didn't buy back...

disahsterdahling · 25/06/2018 10:02

It’s just an embarrassing trait

is it? Or do they just not have much money? If I was a lot better off than a friend I wouldn't begrudge buying them a drink or a meal.

swampytiggaa · 25/06/2018 10:07

When I go out with my mates we stick £10 in each and get drinks from that. Sometimes we add another £10 but that generally covers cheesy chips at the end of the night too 🙂

MorrisDancingViv · 25/06/2018 10:09

I have a friend who will willingly accept drinks from a round then never offer to reciprocate. What worked for me was telling her outright that it was her turn to get a round.

m4rdybum · 25/06/2018 10:23

I don't know why it's tight fisted to not want to join a round.

If you go out with 5 friends, you can guarantee that you buy one round and it comes to at least £15. You're then tied in to having 5 drinks to get your money back, when (if you're me) you'd normally only have a couple and be happy.

And then you always the the CF who has a double or a large while you're there with your £2 half a cider.

I agree with PP who said said sometimes it's not a matter of being able to opt out at there's always someone who doesn't take no for an answer. Then you're in, and called a miserable sod if you don't take part.

Bluntness100 · 25/06/2018 10:26

We put a kitty in, so all chip in a certain amount then the drinks are bought from that. Makes life much simpler.

NomNomNomNom · 25/06/2018 10:30

I would follow the suggestion of just not buying rounds. If someone other than cheapskate offers say "Thanks but I'll just get my own - don't know how long I'll be staying". I had a friend like this but he was super sneaky. He'd often offer to get a round in before most people had turned up so he'd only buy three drinks. Once everyone else had arrived he'd be the first to finish his drink and then remind everyone he'd already got his round in.

BarbaraofSevillle · 25/06/2018 10:30

It's tight fisted to be in the round until it's your turn at the bar, and then suddenly opting out.

It's not tight fisted to say 'I'll just get my own as I only want a couple' or indeed you should also think about getting your own if you're drinking cocktails or double G&Ts and everyone else is on halfs of lager.

Lindy2 · 25/06/2018 10:35

I have a cousin just like this and it drives me mad.
We just went out for a family meal. My brother and I covered the cost of our family's meals, the elderly family member whose birthday it was and also his food and drink. He didn't spend a single penny.
Next time he simply isn't going to be invited.

firehousedog · 25/06/2018 10:38

I have a memory like an elephant. If someone doesn't buy a round then next time I buy a round minus that person.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 25/06/2018 10:39

Or do they just not have much money? If I was a lot better off than a friend I wouldn't begrudge buying them a drink or a meal.

I would happily buy a friend a drink or meal if I could afford it and they couldn't. I wouldn't like it though if said friend didn't mention they were low on cash and just assumed I'd pay for the meal without any thanks. That's effectively what you're doing if you accept a round but never get one back.

hididdlyhoneighborino · 25/06/2018 10:40

I don't buy rounds, but then again I don't accept them either so I don't owe anyone anything. If someone buys me one without me being able to stop it, I will buy them one back then continue to buy my own.

strawberrisc · 25/06/2018 10:46

I'm dead upfront with my friends from the beginning. Don't include me in rounds or in kittys. I can't keep up with their drinking and if tried I'd be on the floor within the first couple of hours! I just buy my own as and when.

Just don't include her in rounds.

IrmaFayLear · 25/06/2018 10:47

There's always one.

Dh has a friend who hovers at the back for the first couple of rounds. By that time a few people will have had enough, or skip that round. Guess who then jumps up to volunteer to go to the bar?

Some people have short arms and deep pockets.

hididdlyhoneighborino · 25/06/2018 10:49

We do have a friend who does it too, she will eat a meal with us all and order herself cocktails then when it comes to paying the bill she'll pay the same as everyone else so we're all paying for her extra alcohol. Really annoying. I don't go out for meals with her anymore

Billben · 25/06/2018 10:53

I’m teetotal and I don’t do rounds. No way in hell would I be paying for somebody’s extortionately priced alcohol when all I’m drinking is a soft drink.

IrmaFayLear · 25/06/2018 10:59

No one's complaining about someone who opts out of rounds entirely, billben.

The CFs are the ones who enthusiastically join in... until it's their turn and then they're spotted heading for the loo/getting their coat/fumbling for the "forgotten" purse/wallet...

And, by the way, the extortionately-priced alcohol is paying for the establishment's overheads (and - heaven forbid! - a profit). You are not holier than thou for having a soft drink. And in fact many places charge handsomely for a soft drink. Many's the time I've heard "I wasn't drinking" when it comes to splitting the bill, but their two Cokes cost more than my small white wine.

Katgurl · 25/06/2018 11:15

This gives me rage but ironically I have been suffering a friend doing this for 20+ years.

It is so maddening but has gone on so long I don't know how to broach it now without having a completely Ott reaction to being tricked into buying her a cup of coffee or whatever.

WingsOnMyBoots · 25/06/2018 11:17

Most people know a person like this. Obviously YANBU. It's either accept it, 'have' them about it or do the money in the kitty before the good times begin!

Aeroflotgirl · 25/06/2018 11:21

What is wrong is that CFs who take the piss, no mention of can't afford it or I am on a budget, than people won't begrudge buying them a couple of Half's or the odd pint. However I am on a budget, and cannot afford a round of G&T, large glasses of Pinot, cocktails, which can add up to 20 plus, when I am having a soft drink or half a larger shandy.

I speak up and say, no thanks, I will buy my own. You should feel that you can say this amongst friends, if you can't their not really your friends.

TheClitterati · 25/06/2018 11:24

but you didn't buy a round either OP!! Did the other non round buyer know you weren't getting a round in because of monies owned?

I've lived in UK 24 years and I still hate round buying - especially if more than 3 people. It usually involves drinking more than you want or faster than you want. Many people don't want more than 2 drinks!!! I do think piss heads love rounds though - its a way of normalising heavy drinking and providing company for them.

Other countries don't do this. You might buy someone a drink. Maybe they will buy you one too. Or your just buy your own like a fully autonomous person - incredible really.

I like the German system when they mark your beer mats and the waiter comes around after a while and everyone pays for their own drinks.

19lottie82 · 25/06/2018 12:33

I do think piss heads love rounds
though - its a way of normalising heavy drinking and providing company for them.

What a load of judgemental bull shit.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/06/2018 12:49

Then katgurl, when you go out, you tell her your buying your own, if she's "lost her purse", then you don't go out with her where it's likely to cost money. Meet for a brew at home. This would be a dealbreaker.

UmmMeToo · 25/06/2018 12:51

Rounds are tricky and depends on how many drinks you intend to have in an evening and how many people in the group. For example if you have 5 people in the round but only want to drink 1 or 2 drinks (or less than 5 drinks) in the evening, then it will cost much more doing rounds than just buying yourself a couple to drinks. Some people are stingy and cf's though. Same when you agree to spilt a restaurant bill with a group. Always one or 2 who never put enough in on purpose.