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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU. Prom after party, finish time, venue, transport and general ?

67 replies

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 24/06/2018 20:32

I’ve paid for the prom dress and everything that goes with it. Personally, IMO it’s all very over the top but I’ve gone with it and hope DD has an amazing time.

This week I saw a post on a local Fb page posted by one of DDs friends begging for a field, barn, area to hold an after party, no one answered but now they have a venue and everything in place for an after party £20 per head 11.30pm through to 4.30am!

I’m obviously the only parent here to question the whole idea of this after party. AIBU to think it’s all U?

OP posts:

yummumto3girls · 24/06/2018 23:48

My DD had prom last year, I couldn’t believe the expense for half the year to disappear after a couple of hours to go to the after party!!! What is the point in spending all that money on dress, hair, makeup etc for a couple of hours! Fortunately my sensible DD and her friends enjoyed the prom and then camped out in our garden, I made it lovely with fairy lights, fire pit, alcohol, they had a great time.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 25/06/2018 09:08

I thought the after party usually starts when the prom finishes. My two didn't leave the prom early.

Sparklingbrook · 25/06/2018 15:47

That's what has always happened in these parts Big.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/06/2018 16:00

Its the norm here, dd had her prom last week.

On Tuesday everyone went and set their tents up in the back field behind one of the boys houses so it was ready for them wed night.
All the girls came here to get ready on the Wednesday, dp dropped them off at 7 for prom, picked them back up at 11, they came back here got changed then dp took them to the after party, they got brought back by another parent at 8.30am friday.

LankinMcElf · 25/06/2018 16:06

My dd is currently in y10, the thought of her drinking in a field til 4.30am in just a years time does not sit well tbh!
I like the idea of offering your garden as a venue. I’d prefer that!

Aragog · 25/06/2018 17:57

Back in my day (I'm only 38!) the 6th formers had a formal dinner in the local posh hotel I guess, but that was it. No expensive outfits, hairdo and make up, transport, pre party, after party etc.

I finished A levels in 1991. We only had a sixth form 'ball' - wasn't called a Prom then - not a GCSE one. Was at local 'nice' venue with a sit down meal and a disco after.

Everyone did get properly dressed up though and most girls had hair and make up done. There were no limos, etc though - mind, there was no limos at DD's either despite being an independent school where some people do have a lot of cash flying around. Mine was just your average comp, in a not overly great area, certainly not a wealthy area. All our local schools had sixth form ones.

I admit to being really sceptical about the whole GCSE Prom idea before we were thrust into the whole GCSE year, and actually it was lovely. DD worked really hard over her revision - way more than I (or dh) ever seemed to for GCSEs or even A Levels. She was really excited to partying with her friends.

And it wasn't really OTT compared to many - there was a meal and a disco, there were nice dresses (though most were not crazy money; you can get a nice looking prom dress for about £20 on ASOS, as well as dearer ones) and most had hair and make up done either at a MAC type counter, at a solon or, the more 'make up' able of them, at home. The boys were looking smart in either lounge or dinner suits.

But there wasn't any unpleasant competitiveness, there was no ostentatious flashing of cash, there were no fancy meds of transport there and back and even the so-called after parties ended up fading to nothing, with most people just going back with friends with just 4 or 5 of them at each house (mostly due to pick up distance and sharing lifts.) There was no having to have a date for the night or any of that pressure either - almost all juts went with the mates.

So, I have slightly changed my mind on them. It was lovely and so long as not OTT I think they can be quite sweet events.

ForalltheSaints · 25/06/2018 18:40

You should be questioning the whole expense. Boycott this.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 25/06/2018 20:33

Very hard to boycott it if your DC want to go and all their mates are going!

Sparklingbrook · 25/06/2018 21:08

DS2 chose a suit he can wear again for anything so I didn't mind that expense.
Plus it's not like he spends £££s on going out every day of the week. It's a one off, he's excited to go and he will have a great night.

I don't see why you would want them to boycott any of it.

BackforGood · 25/06/2018 23:00

I agree with Sparklingbrook.

When it was ds's - it was lovely to see all his mates he'd gone through school with, all dressed up to go for a meal and a disco, in effect (called prom, but no fancy airs)

dd1 chose not to go

dd2 went last week, and, once again, it was lovely to see all her friends dressed up and having a bit party together.

Maybe it depends on the school, but there was no culture of OTT tans, hair, make ups etc., nor limos or other fancy travel. dd did go in a taxi so her crew could all arrive together, but it cost us £3 each so not too wild

You should be questioning the whole expense. Boycott this.

Why ? I don't begrudge paying for my dc to go to a nice formal meal and a bit of a boogie. Why would I want to boycott it ?

BackforGood · 25/06/2018 23:05

DS2 chose a suit he can wear again for anything so I didn't mind that expense.

Ah yes..... I had that plan for ds.... then he shot up about 4 inches in about 6 weeks and never got the wear out of it

nomilknosugarplease · 25/06/2018 23:17

OP I really would consider offering your garden up - even if she can only have 5 or 6 mates over for two or three hours! DD and her 5 friends were some of the only ones not invited to their year 11 prom after party. They all came here instead - spoke to all their parents and agreed on them having a few glasses of wine each and getting giggly but that’s all. They all had a fab time and felt very grown up sipping wine in the conservatory!! Compared to the other partygoers who according to DD ended up getting booted out an hour in because about 300 people turned up so they all roamed the streets all night

SandyY2K · 25/06/2018 23:30

I wouldn't pay for an after party. The prom dress, shoes, change shoes, ticket, year book, hoodie, nails, hair make up, jewelry and transport and photographs has cost me more than enough.

Thete was no mention of an after party till DD called me at 11:15pm after the prom last week ...tells me the after party is at her friends house.

Safety would be my prime concern eith.an unsupervised after party.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 26/06/2018 07:27

The parties should be supervised at that age or it can all go horribly wrong.

DH and a few other dads were asked to be 'bouncers' at my DDs after party. The ones on the door had a list of those invited and turned away anyone not on it. They all strolled round the garden periodically making sure kids weren't completely out of it/shagging in bushes/taking drugs.

It all went well, only two lads were chucked out for fighting.

Some of these kids are still only 15.

lilypotter88 · 26/06/2018 07:30

I was mortified at my prom that I was the only one not allowed to the after party, by the next morning I was over it. If you don't think it's safe, stick to your guns xx

Sparklingbrook · 26/06/2018 09:10

DS1 wore the prom suit trousers through 6th form BackforGood but he was already really tall in Year 11 so I am hoping for a repeat with DS2.

That said the suit complete with shirt and tie was £109 so we haven't gone mad anyway.

zukiecat · 26/06/2018 09:55

I have two daughters so we've had four proms

The end of fifth year and the end of 6th year (Scotland)

I've never heard of an after party, both my DDs came home at around midnight, straight after their proms

Don't think I would have allowed them to go to any after parties

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