To hate my husband?

[SoCockneyItHurts]

Urrgghhh....we haven't spoken since yesterday after an argument over money. He works, I gave up my job a couple of months ago to be around more for our sick child. Mutual agreement. Husband not happy with how much money I spent. His money he said!!! He has an issue with the tenancy on our home being in my name only and now and then he gets a bee in his bonnet about it and asks to go on it. We did split up a couple of years ago and he refused to move out so it went to court hence the tenancy going in my sole name. We got back together when our child got sick. We've been together 22 years and it's always the same old story. Any way he spends every weekend drinking in the garden and having a BBQ for one as I don't like BBQ's or drinking excessively. And he plays the most crap music in the garden....its embarrassing. I just asked him to turn it down and got 2 fingers!!!!! I'm happy to go back to a joint tenancy but it's all the other stuff that's making me hate him ever so slightly now! Who is being unreasonable?

He sounds like a twat to be honest. You've been together 22 years... are you really happy with the rest of your life being like this?

He's shit. You hate him. And you're happy to go back to a joint tenancy?

Are you mad?

Why are you even with him if you don't like him or his music. Is it just convenience in old age?

Re-read your post. staying together for the sake of your child is a crap reason. He is being unreasonable by his behaviour and you are being unreasonable for putting up with it.

If your circs allow: get your job back. Could you afford a place without him? The house you're in without him? Certainly don't put him on the tenancy. Then LTB at the first opportunity. He'll grind you down. By LTB I mean kick him out. Bbq and cardboard box for one.

youve wasted 22. Are you going to waste the next 22 too?

I've left him twice already and even got as far as decree nisi last time! I guess I believed things would change but they soon slip back to how they were. Last time "I" made him homeless he slept in his car and I felt sorry for him. He blames me for everything and accepts no part at all in why I left. I can't believe I'm in this situation again. When we're ok we do get on really well and can be that way for weeks....but when he's like this I wish he would die and I know how absolutely dreadful that sounds but I can't help it

Do you get any joy from your relationship? Share interests? Plan for the future? Envision a future with him? Laugh with him? Enjoy each other's company?

Read something called "the script". you will see in there all about the blame game and all the other shit they come out with.

He isn't going to change. Ever. you have to move on from him and you have to do it now and get it done. one more year is another year of your life gone.

My friend is like this with her husband. I’d love to kidnap her and take her away to a better life because I honestly believe someone else could treat her a billion times better than him. But when he treats her like he should, she’s happy. He gaslights her a lot though and they’ve been together 26years. I have to support her as she’s my friend so I hope you’ve also got support round you when times are shite.

Please, please do NOT put him back on the tenancy - just keep delaying it until you decide it's time for him to go. You need a secure home for you and your ill child. He sounds abusive and controlling - the lord and master!

And you're with him because...?

I can't see what there is to save here.

Please don’t put this prick back on the tenancy.

Do you get any joy from this relationship? Does he look after your child at all?

This isn’t the sort of relationship I would want to be modelling to a child.

You wish he would die? Sorry, just leave.

YANBU, he sounds awful. But this time you have to kick him out and see it through this time. It's a horrible environment for you and your child. You deserve to be loved and supported and you're not.

If you have reached a place where you wish he would die, then I think it's time to go your separate ways.

What music is he playing in the garden?

Absolutely agree with some pp, if you're at the point where you actually wish he would die, it's over. Completely.

I'm not judging btw. I have been there. I cried my eyes out once when he came back 4 days early from a 6 day trip, and that's the point I knew I was done.

Don't waste any more time, you have to live

That's so sad. Throw the towel in OP if you are on the tenancy on your own you are in a much better position to do so than many on here.

Op, remind yourself what the definition of madness is

Then take it from there

If you put him back on the tenancy you are a fucking fool

How old is your child? I'm sorry they're sick.

Please leave/get rid, you need all your spare energy and emotion and you're wasting it on this old rubbish.

It's really not that bad being alone, you will be surprised how peaceful it is. Get rid and for goodness sakes do not put him back on the tenancy. Learn to ignore all his blaming you: who cares what he thinks and says?

I meant to add: I too hated my EXH. I wished him dead for a while God forgive me. I don't mind him now that we're happily divorced :)