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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking it may be one thing too much for my poor friend?

75 replies

Wolfie · 24/05/2007 11:10

I have a friend staying from London (she's in the bath - not ignoring her) - she's having an emotional crisis with her busy city job and hectic social life , and has come to Talk Things Through.

She likes my children, but is a little bit squeamish of kids in general. My dd1 has picked up on this, and on my friends revulsion of her chicken pox covered body - which is it think why she presented her with a shoe box with a small scab in and told her it was a present. {friend went pale} Dd2 keeps running at her with the potty to show off every time she uses it {friend visibly wretched at this mornings poo}

Washed my hair today, and found...nits! Oh dear. Nitty gritted myself thoroughly, and serrupticiously examined dds.

Do i tell, or hope that i've got them in time? She'll freak, honestly.

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 24/05/2007 11:14

Tell her - it's only fair.
And cue her swift return to her busy city job and hectic social life!
All part of having children around - but scab-in-a-box is a novel, but unpleasant toy, and the potty exhibitionism is a bit much!

Original poster
Wolfie · 24/05/2007 11:15

Well yes, it is, but dd2 has only potty trained in the last week, and she is very very proud.

OP posts:
Emprexia · 24/05/2007 11:16

Why would you think YABU?

Nits are enough to squick some of the strongest stomachs i know.

TBH, i think you need to let her know, and then offer to check her over, she'll get p*ssed off if she's got them and you don't tell her.

I know i was seriously hacked off when my hubbys ex-wife sent my step-daughter over to us and didn't bother to tell us she currently has head-lice.

It may be too much for her, but you gotta tell her.

Saturn74 · 24/05/2007 11:16

Ah, completely understandable then.
Did your friend accept the scab with grace?

Original poster
Wolfie · 24/05/2007 11:18

Not exactly grace. She said 'you've put a scab in a box!' in a shrill wavery voice, then told me she would like a bath and a coffee.

OP posts:
ahundredtimes · 24/05/2007 11:18

Don't tell her. It'll put her emotional crisis into perspective won't it? She'll think she had it bad in the big city with Mr X but then after this visit, when she's scratching her head on the way home, she'll realize there are much bigger problems to deal with.
Anyways, she sounds a bit of a pain tbh. She should have danced with delight at the poo. I wld expect any of my friends to do the same

hayes · 24/05/2007 11:18

you have to tell her....she will be completely ignorant of the fact they exist and will pass them onto all her work colleagues and then she will have to tell them

Original poster
Wolfie · 24/05/2007 11:24

At least her boyfriend is bald, i'd hate to cause more strife there.

Colleagues, hmmm, I used to work where she works, quite like the idea of infiltrating the building with nits.

OP posts:
ahundredtimes · 24/05/2007 11:25

Go for it, don't tell her. It'll push her over the edge. Play dumb and make more strong coffee.

ahundredtimes · 24/05/2007 11:26

And I take back calling her a pain, that was unnecessary. I am dancing about the poo though, look, hands waving wildly in the air and everything.

gingerone · 24/05/2007 11:28

Oh, you must tell her...if only to tell us what her reaction is...

I recently sent my kids to my sis's house for a weekend. They came back with nits, which they probably took there with them. She practically had the whole house fumigated....it was very funny (although I did not laugh when she was around!)

Original poster
Wolfie · 24/05/2007 11:32

Oh thanks hundred, i'll pass the dance on to dd2 - she loves feedback.

Oh i'm very torn now. You're all giving me totally contradictory advice, i need some unity here.

Friends not a pain, she's wonderful, but she's very delicate.

OP posts:
ahundredtimes · 24/05/2007 11:38

okay, take the diplomatic route. Don't say anything, but just before she goes say, ever so lightly and with a carefree wave of the hand, 'Oh dd had nits last week, I'm sure they're gone, but I'm letting you know just in case you start to itch, and if you do you need to get this stuff' and then urge her out the door with a friendly hug.

You know what? If she's not exactly getting on the floor and rolling about with you or the dcs then she might not get them.

I apologised for calling her a pain. I know she's not. I like her.

Original poster
Wolfie · 24/05/2007 11:42

I think i may take that route hundred, no point in making the rest of the stay any harder for her. She's not rolling around, she's more into staring tearfully out of the window, and occasionally saying 'please! Ask your mummy to wipe your nose before you come any nearer!'

OP posts:
ahundredtimes · 24/05/2007 11:46

I knew I liked her. What will you do with her all day, what with the packing and everything?

Blackduck · 24/05/2007 11:58

Have to admit I laughed about the scab.....children are so creative!

Original poster
Wolfie · 24/05/2007 12:05

What do you mean packing? I'm not moving am i? Or do you mean wolf packing?

I knew you'd like her hundred, she's nice. She has nice shoes too.

I'm taking her to the park to help dd1 ride her bike without stabilisers. She's wearing huge shades and beautiful shoes. I'm giving her sideways jealousy filled glances.

OP posts:
ahundredtimes · 24/05/2007 12:15

Sorry, I thought you had a thread about going away and leaving a list for your MIL.
Good luck at the park Wolfie. I need to tell you now, I have sinking feeling about this one. dd1 WILL fall off, she will cry albeit bravely and there may be blood. Tell friend to stand well back in lovely shoes and to not be embarassed by the howling. If you like you can send friend round here, my dcs at school and I can always stop working, put on best shoes and make supportive yet elegant cocktails and wear sunglasses.

Original poster
Wolfie · 24/05/2007 12:18

Hmmm, you're trying to steal my friend with your chameleon ways!

I'm Boco by the way, don't confuse me with any other wolf types, just trying out my revolutionary persona.

OP posts:
Anchovy · 24/05/2007 12:27

I think I used to be your friend, metaphorically speaking (can now deal with nits and pooh with the best of them).

I categorically would not mention the nits. I would stay silent and play dumb. In fact if she subsequently phones and says "And another thing, I think I've got nits" then you should say with self righteous indignation "I sincerely hope you have not given them to my children"

foxinsocks · 24/05/2007 12:30

oh no, do not tell her about the nits.

by the sounds of it, she's probably thoroughly disinfecting herself every night anyway

ahundredtimes · 24/05/2007 12:31

See? They're coming on my side now.

OrmIrian · 24/05/2007 13:29

Scab in a box. Ahhhhh .....bless

Probably the best contraceptive she could ever have. Yes tell her - you have to I think. Although unless she's cuddling the kids, or sitting really close, with head to head contact she probably won't get them. Even my mum was squeamish the first time she saw them on my DD's hair - coming from a woman who had to treat us all for threadworm when we were children I don't quite see the problem...

ahundredtimes · 24/05/2007 17:41

so what happened? Did you fess up? Is she happier? Is dd still in one piece?

purpleduck · 24/05/2007 18:03

Document her every reaction and present her with them when she has kids