Didn't receive a good luck/congratulations card.

[mangowango]

Right Mumsnet, I know you'll be honest with me so sort me out please.

AIBU and a little bit precious? Or is this feeling justified? I started a new job last week after being unemployed for 2 years. This job was very much wanted (and needed, not just financially but for my mental state as I was struggling being at home with the children 24/7). It had taken me a long time to find this job due to various reasons such as lack of confidence and finding something that fits around my partners career (long hours, irregular days off, no family locally to help with childcare whilst attending interviews). In the past when my partner has started a new job I had got a card for him from the children, made him lunch for his first day, made a little bit of a fuss. However from him I got zilch. It even took him an hour after I'd got home to ask how my day had gone. Am I right to be a bit miffed about this?

My friends wife started her new job - first time as a headteacher. I knew her husband wouldn't think of anything so I sent her a bunch of flowers.

When they arrived a member of her staff said "You must have a lovely husband", her reply of "Oh they aren't from my husband" apparently made her the talk of the staffroom.

Wasn't the financial support for two years whilst you cherry picked a job (rather than take anything) enough?

Gosh, really?! She didn't "cherry pick" the job, she chose one that would fit in with his job!

I agree with TarragonChicken.

Yab a bit precious re. a card.
Yanbu to expect him to show some interest

I'd wish DH luck and ask about it when they got home (and probably a lunch time message too) but a card and special breakfast sound ridiculous.

Getting cards from the children, making him a 'special' lunch and making a fuss all sounds very childish to be honest. More like a first day at school than a first day in a new job. I don't know anyone who'd get a card for their partner when starting a new job.

The card is unnecessary but asking how your first day was should have been one of the first things he asked when you were home.

I have to agree with poster Whatshallidonowpeople, I’ve never heard of one half of a couple giving a card to the other for starting a job!

You asked for honest opinions, @whatshallidonowpeople gave her honest opinion and I think you were quite rude to her.

I feel sorry for You that you’re all hurt and upset that nobody made a fuss of you for going to work!

@shinycat it was just the directness/bluntness that made me chuckle

This will find itself in the Fail

He should have asked how your day was- I’m not sure I’d expect a card though. I suggest you treat yourself to a box of chocolates and some flowers! Did you celebrate when you first got offered the job at all?

I wouldn't be upset about not receiving a card or my lunch made but I would be if DH didn't bother asking me how my first day went. It just makes me think that you, and your job, are not important to him. Is he happy that you have got a job or does he think it an inconvenience to him that you are now not at home 24/7 for all the domestic/kids stuff?

God some people aren’t half sneery are they? It’s ok to not send cards and it’s ok to send cards. I agree if your DP takes an interest and supports you in general then a card doesn’t matter at all, however me and my DH do things like cards and a fave chocolate bar hidden in a work bag on new jobs or promotions... I think it’s nice and it’s not like we giving a card for a ‘big poo’

He absolutely should have asked how your first day was. It sounds like he doesn't really care.

I assume he'll be taking on more of the childcare and housework now you're both working? Don't let him leave it all with you...

I wouldn't expect a card but I would expect either flowers or for him to cook on the evening. And for him to ask how it was straight away x

It’s nice that you do it but I really don’t get the expectation that he do it in return.

To do a nice thing is nice

To do a nice thing with the expectation that you get the same is not so nice

I would be a bit miffed that it took the guy an hour to ask "how was your day"---unless there were extenuating circumstances (like he is unwell or having a hellish week).

Everything else, you are BU. I really can't imagine giving someone a card for something when I live with them. It just seems like an odd thing to do.

I think the card I would definitely forget about. I would expect him to show an interest and ask how it went though. DH and I would always text during the day and check in when starting new jobs. I think it depends why he didn't ask though. Is there some resentment? Is he just busy?

I wouldn't get my partner a card for getting a job. Getting a job is necessary, not something they need to be congratulated for.