Didn't receive a good luck/congratulations card.

[mangowango]

Right Mumsnet, I know you'll be honest with me so sort me out please.

AIBU and a little bit precious? Or is this feeling justified? I started a new job last week after being unemployed for 2 years. This job was very much wanted (and needed, not just financially but for my mental state as I was struggling being at home with the children 24/7). It had taken me a long time to find this job due to various reasons such as lack of confidence and finding something that fits around my partners career (long hours, irregular days off, no family locally to help with childcare whilst attending interviews). In the past when my partner has started a new job I had got a card for him from the children, made him lunch for his first day, made a little bit of a fuss. However from him I got zilch. It even took him an hour after I'd got home to ask how my day had gone. Am I right to be a bit miffed about this?

Congrats on your new job! But I wouldn't worry about the card :)

I've never in my life ever sent a good luck or congratulations card for someone getting a job.

In the past when my partner has started a new job I had got a card for him from the children, made him lunch for his first day, made a little bit of a fuss. However from him I got zilch

TBH I would find this OTT and a bit cringey. But if it's standard in your family then he should at least have asked how your day went.

@whatshallidonow your post has me laughing so much!!

YANBU to feel pissed off. Some men are a bit useless though, and are nowhere NEAR as thoughtful as women. When multiple family members - 12 or more (on both sides of the couple) get loads of gifts for Christmas, who do you think got them them? Yeah that's right, NOT the man!

Sounds like you have done a lot for this man, and accommodated his needs for quite a long time. He should have congratulated you. And he didn't. You are right to be pissed off. Tell him how you feel though!

And by the way. ^

You went out for work for the first time in years and it took him an hour to ask how it went?

If this is a symptom of what he’s like normally then I’d say there’s nothing so lonely as being in a bad marriage.

@jimdandy On the contrary, I thought the post by @whatshallidonowpeople wasn't remotely funny, and was a bit daft to be honest. I feel very sorry for her though, that her partner never gets her cards to congratulate her for anything. That must really suck!

OP you need to put your ducks in a row and LTB, after cancelling his cheques, of course.

I’m with you OP, I always send good luck/congratulations cards to family and friends so you would have got a card and probably some chocolates from me. Hope your new job works out. I agree your DH should have made more of a fuss.

I’m always surprised at the vitriol on these threads. Of course it’s not necessary to send cards or make a fuss of others but it does make life that little bit nicer. Why are people so against doing nice things for each other anymore?

He definitely should have asked you how your day went, that's just marital consideration and love. But a card, no. My DH has got promotions and new jobs a couple of times, we say 'good luck Daddy!' and kiss him as he leaves the house. A job full stop though is just standard every day life I think, it wouldn't occur to me to make a song and dance out of this.

Why are people so against doing nice things for each other anymore?

They're not. But expecting others to do these things and then moaning online when they don't is a bit different, isn't it?

Now, DW sells cards for a living, but I wouldn't have thought of doing this.

When I opened the thread, I thought it might be work colleagues not getting a card on birth of new baby /leaving etc, which would be a bit off.

I get DW 2 cards per year. For birthday, and for valentines - and that's it.

You make yourself sound a bit silly, maybe sillier than you actually are.

I think men can generally be a bit crap with sentiments. I didn't get a card or flowers for the birth of any of our dc. I was miffed but got over it.

'Whatshallidoniwpeople if your job is comparable to taking a big poo then I feel sorry for you'

Haha, best come back I've seen on here for ages. Well done OP

I wouldn't worry about the card so much. More about the fact that he didn't ask you how your day went. First days are usually big occasions, even more so when it's been a long time between jobs.

Congrats anyway.

topcat no anniversary card?

Is it that you feel he’s not very supportive of you in general OP?
I don’t think you can necessarily expect him to support you in precisely the same way that you do to him - unless you've told him clearly that is what you would like - but I don’t think you’re unreasonable to want some kind of support and interest in your life.
So is this perhaps about that wider issue rather than the card per se ?

I’m astounded to be finding myself saying - I think you’re getting a bit of a hard time on here, OP. Not about the card - they’re a completely pointless waste of time and money - nor even about the special packed lunch 🙄 because I agree that just because you like to do it, doesn’t mean others have to. But to see you off on your first day back after two years not working, with nary a word of encouragement? To take an hour to ask you if anyone showed you where the loos where and where to hang your coat and if you made a chum? I think that’s primo arsehole behaviour. You’re not being U about that. Not one whit.

I wouldn't buy a card for this, but I definitely would ask how your first day went as soon as I saw you. Bit weird not to.

YABU to expect a card

YANBU to expect support and ecourangement from your partner

I would have expected a 'how did it go' when he saw you first after you started, but nothing else.

I do think the card thing is you being quite precious but fair disclosure I think cards a giant waste of time and it irritates me that people think they have any meaning

But I will say it wouldn't have hurt for him to say good luck and ask how it went...totally fair to mention that

Could be worth seeing it another way...my DP never wishes me luck for interviews or first days and whilst it doesn't bother me because I just have a get on with it outlook , I did ask him once why

He genuinely looked confused and said "why would you need luck love? You're amazing and were going to do a great job" and turned back to his computer

He had genuinely not doubted for a second I couldn't handle it or do a great job...total belief in me

I found that far far more romantic than a card

The fact that you got him cards and lunch is lovely. You don't only do nice things to receive them. Just do then for the sake of them.
He waited an hour before asking. Maybe he didn't want to bombard you straight away and let you get home, get settled and then have time and peace to talk properly. I don't know what your house is like but when everyone gets home my house is a little chaotic until everyone is settled and fed. I find it difficult to have big conversations and concentrate on what others are saying in that time.

I don’t think the card would be usual in my family/friends and I’d find it a bit unnecessary/for their benefit, if someone was to make children make one. If it was bought I’d think it was a waste of money.
That said, I’d like DH to ask how it went but I’d probably tell him before he got a chance!