To have lost my belief in God

[seasideandvanilla]

I was always a believer. I grew up in a religious household and hated it but I always believed in God. I would pray in times of difficulty and attend church at varying times. I had a very difficult period in 2016 where I prayed a lot and it helped.

Experiencing similar difficulties now and I tried to pray and nothing. I just don’t believe.

I’m sure people who have never believed won’t see a problem but it feels odd and unsettling.

seasideandvanilla This for me says it all:

The picture shows some Belgians reading from the Bible as they prepare to hang a black child (his crime was to refuse fetching water for them)

Faith does change as we get older. It may be that you have moved from an early stage of certainty and boundaries to one where there is an appreciation of paradox and mystery. Some churches are better at dealing with this than others.

Richard Rohr wrote a book on this second life stage of faith called 'Falling Upwards' which I've found really helpful.

There is a chart on stages of faith which might be helpful in locating where you might be OP which may or may not be helpful. www.psychologycharts.com/james-fowler-stages-of-faith.html

I was a Christian from birth 'til forty. Now been an ex-Christian for forty years. Yes, I'm old, I tell my kids I do guilt so they don't have to.

Roughly forty years ago my good Christian wife told me she didn't love me anymore, for two years I stayed but eventually had to move out. Puzzle for me - if god's love is the answer to everything why's it not working now. Conclusion - there is no god. My relief was enormous, I could stop the unequal struggle of trying to get it right. That's not nice.

Even now I wonder why it took so long for me to reject a guy - who apparently knows everything - who needs to be worshipped. That's weird isn't it? This all-knowing fella would've have known that right from the start I'd be a Christian and then give it up. So he let me waste all those years.

And this amazing 'someone' who exists only in the minds of some (me at one time) allowed one of the elders of one of this churches to groom my parents so he could take me away when I was twelve and sexually abuse me. And the guilt from that is still with me.

Please don't be scared, rest a while, be yourself and believe in yourself. I wish you well.

arcadia would you recommend any online mindfulness meditations? There seems to be so many I don’t know where to start!

If it's any help, my uncle lost faith in his 70s. He went through stages, he was angry because he felt he'd been brainwashed by his dad to some extent. But then he felt better and freer.

I've always been an atheist and dragged him to some of my charity things and I'd say within about six months he got over the weird feeling, then he started trying to sell atheism to everyone and I had to tell him to stop misbehaving!

It was interesting because he literally spent his life thinking his local community was rooted in his religion and then he realised there's so much community activity and good feeling that has nothing to do with religion. He was a bit blinkered I guess. Anyway, he got happy with it pretty quickly.

Hi madame josephine if you download the free app insight timer there is a great selection of guided meditations which you can select by length, genre etc. It also tracks your usage if you want it to, and you can save ones you like and 'follow' a particular person on there. Let me know if you want more info/suggestions - let me know what you like.

After a childhood of religious indoctrination, institutionalised misogyny and brainwashing at Catholic schools, I broke free and binned religion when I was 15.

It was incredibly liberating, and one of the best things I have ever done.

I was religious for the first part of my life then I realised I no longer believed. After I lost my faith I realised I’d always acted on the assumption of there being something better “in the future” and that I hadn’t been fully living in “the now”. It can be scary at first to think that this is it, there’s no second chance at life. But once you really think about it this does focus you on living life to the full, appreciating life as it is and not as it might be after death.
It’s very liberating. Good luck.

I was occasionally at a similar point. Believing / not believing...

I've been rather comfortably agnostic for quite some time... But many of the church / faith related traditions are still very important to me.

DH grew up with a very strict protestant family. He's pretty atheist and doesn't like organised religion. I grew in a more liberal Catholic family and never managed to develop the disdain he had for his preachers etc... Religion / a believe in God can be (imo) beneficial for the individual. meditation or mindfulness might be a way of replacing prayer? Idk.

I still pray. Even when I don't believe. Mentally voicing all my issues is just 'nice', I guess...

I lost my Christian faith just over threeyears ago. It fell apart gradually after various experiences then finally crashed down while I was on maternity leave.

I grieved for it. I tried to force it back but I couldn’t. The realisation that there was no life after death was horrifying. I could not believe I’d brought two children into this world of suffering and pain and one day they will die and be gone forever.

I’ve made my peace with this now and I think I am a stronger person for it.

Hi op

Sorry your feeling like this

Would it help to break things down you think?

You said prayer helped last time, was it for guidance? If it worked for you, what specifically happened or turned up to help. Was it something you did or changed, or did someone help.

Your issues now, would the same guidance you followed help you now?
Or is there anything that you want to off load on here, that we might be able to help you with.

What's the saying, God helps those who help themselves, I'm not really religious to be honest, but what if he guided you to here because he thought the vipers could help 🤷‍♀️

What you need is help deconverting. Its quite traumatic when your eyes are opened to a lifetime of brainwashing is revealed to you. I dont know where you live but their is help out there. I guess start by googling for support in your local area. The fear of hell/sin/punishment can haunt ex-religious people for years after they have escaped.

Just remember in a few years you will wonder how you could ever have believed that stuff and you will be happier and more fulfilled because of it.

You could be me Op.
Brought up into a practising Christian family, I had what I thought was a fairly strong faith. When my 4th child was born with special needs, I was so grateful when the church prayed over him.
Then one day I woke up and it was gone! Just like that. I no longer believed in an all loving all knowing and all seeing God who answered individual's prayers but let children die in poverty all over the world. No longer did I believe that I was a sinner saved by one man dying. Gone.

I won't lie, 21 years on I still miss the comfort and the hymns, and the feeling of belonging. But I don't miss my faith. I still pray for others because I sort of believe in the collective power of our minds, or the placebo affect!

Life without a faith is ok!

I have something to add to this tomorrow but I’m too fried now so place marking

I was brought up in a Catholic family, went to mass every week etc. As a child I just accepted it as true but as I got older & questioned it didn’t make sense to me. I now say I’m atheist but I know what you mean.

I feel very short-changed - I grew up believing I would be reunited with loved ones in heaven & now I believe when we die that’s it. Which sucks - I would certainly rather believe in heaven if I could. It would make bereavement a lot easier.

But see it as good thing, you can now think freely & logically

Good for you.

I guess it is frightening and that's why so many people cling on to their ridiculous and hateful religions. Accepting that there's no great plan for us is a little intimidating.

At the same time though, it's refreshing. I quite like feeling that I'm the person watching and judging me.

0hCrepe I liked your gentle post. Very much like me.
OP faith hope and disappointment.
Strength is what it takes.

I think it's scary seeing the world as chaotic and full of senselessness. It means you have to pull meaning from it yourself in your own way. I think it's human nature to have guilt, religious or not, but it feels more secure to place the guilt under religious scruples rather than an inert guilt and the weird complexities of our conscience.

I see death as a restful thing...not in a morbid way just as in a peaceful way. I love sleep...the oblivion of sleep is so wonderful so I expect death is like sleep. Life is amazing too but can be very hard work.
Having said all that OK am very interested in bhuddism but the thought of having to do it all again is knackering! If I came back I'd have to be a millionaire!
I don't need religion to make my peace with death....or life for that matter.

Go on to ex-Christian.com and read the forums ‘Rants and Replies’ and ‘Trstimonials’.

*Testimonials

TheActualRealCinderall thanks for the link, couldn't find anything though, is this the one you intended?

www.ex-christian.net

Hi OP, I have to add to the voices that say this A Good Thing. It may seem a little scary but it is so liberating too.

I was never particularly religious but I, like many British people I assume, found it very difficult to actually state the words that they were not Christian despite their upbringing, but are atheist. It makes no practical difference in my life but there’s a true feeling of liberation that makes me feel that I have more control over my own destiny and choices.

I think some people worry that if you are atheist you can’t be ‘moral’. I know I did. But I was guided towards atheism by my husband, who is the most upright, honest, moral person I have ever met.

I am sorry that you are having a difficult time. It is in those times that I can see how having a faith would be a comfort. But I would look on this loss of faith as not another difficulty to overcome but as an opportunity to tackle difficulties in a different way.