To have lost my belief in God

[seasideandvanilla]

I was always a believer. I grew up in a religious household and hated it but I always believed in God. I would pray in times of difficulty and attend church at varying times. I had a very difficult period in 2016 where I prayed a lot and it helped.

Experiencing similar difficulties now and I tried to pray and nothing. I just don’t believe.

I’m sure people who have never believed won’t see a problem but it feels odd and unsettling.

Fair enough! Are you happy about it? I found myself being far more philosophical. Instead of wondering why God allowed terrible things to happen to good people, I just realised that sometimes bad things just happen because they do, that this is our only life and our only chance so you have to make the best of it. My DH is atheist. Coming in from the outside, he could see some of the ridiculous behaviours of my relatives in the presence of priests etc that I thought was just normal behaviour!

Welcome to the real world

There is a particular kind of fear and guilt around leaving the Christian church, especially when you have been brought up to believe. As an adult you are free to explore your spirituality and shouldn't feel unsettled if Christianity no longer makes sense to you.

This.

I’m an ex Christian and it is very difficult to let go of that feeling of guilt

Same here. Place marking for now, hope to return with some thoughts.

Another vote for congratulations. Religion is not only ridiculous bullshit, but has always been profoundly toxic for women in particular: all the major religions were set up by men, for the benefit of men, with stories about how the magic sky fairy made men superior to women and therefore women must obey.

Now you're free of it. Well done and enjoy life.

You've had an awakening op, congratulations

I completely understand why you would feel unsettled and I'm sure it will take you time to adjust. When I feel a bit lost I like to go out and walk through the local woods. I look up at the trees, feel the sun (or rain!) on my face, listen to the birds and the sounds of the beautiful world that science created.

Losing your faith doesn't have to change the way you live your life, but you no longer have to live it under the burden of judgement based on a fairy tale.

I know you feel lost without your faith but would it help to think about the wonder of the world as it truly is? How incredible it is that the beauty of nature and complexity of life exists and what a wonderful gift life is from a purely non religious view?

I believe it is so liberating and wondrous to think of life in these terms rather than from a restrictive religion. So losing faith doesn't have to make you feel bereft.

I also completely second what @reanimatedSGB said. Look at the history of religion and you'll see it for what it is.

Jesus welcomed Doubting Thomas. It's ok to have questions or doubts, Christanity actually doesn't need blind faith. Ask questions and hopefully you'll get the answers you're looking for, from within scriptures. xx

I would move to Chat

(but your call to retain in AIBU)

I am not religious but I do appreciate that religion is comforting to others.

So rather than looking to god in hard times I look inward to myself to find my own strength to push through. I don't look at the beauty of the world that 'god created' but instead think how beautiful the world is.

I think you just need to find your 'new normal' without god.

Congrats OP! I can imagine how strange it is to have grown up surrounded by religion and lose your faith. I hope you find a sense of freedom and peace soon. Imo we are in charge of our own lives entirely... which can be scary and wonderful!

I went through this but found it very liberating. I was in a cage but hadn’t realised it. I felt my mind expanding, it was up to me to figure things out on my own.

Religious people will say look for answers within scriptures, or speak to a member of the clergy. You don’t need that. You are able to think for yourself. You feel like religion doesn’t make much sense, and that is because it doesn’t.

Other than giving people a bit of comfort when they go through hard times, and the sense of community it can give, I can’t see any positives to it.

I hope you realise that waking up to reality is a good thing and nothing to be scared of.

Good luck.

I could have written your post OP and watching with interest.

Faith is a great gift, and those who have it are lucky. It is not the same as belief in an idea. Inevitably, many of the posters do not 'get' this.

The words of the blessing at the end of the service sum it up;
'The peace of the Lord, which passeth all understanding.....'

I was brought up religious but gradually realised it was nonsense. I feel disappointed that I believed in it for so long. It's so much better to be free of all the baggage that comes with organised religion, like a weight lifting.

Hi OP,

This must be a difficult time for you but hopefully also full of opportunity. I have had an interesting conversation with my dp (a former catholic) abou the neurological effects (and ultimately) the reason for prayer.
Meditation and mindfulness has already been suggested. It is, in effect, very similar to prayer without the need for faith. So it might be worth looking into.

I think if you were brought up in a religious family and hated it, you were left in adulthood with some of the trappings of that but have not really experienced living the Christian life as a choice made by you.
I think you need to start again, letting go of what you were brought up with and deciding for yourself what you actually believe and why.
For me, also growing up in a Christian family, I realised that that in itself did not make me a Christian and so I studied the evidence for the existence of Jesus, and his claims and did an Alpha course and spoke to other Christians and attended lots of Churches very different to the one I grew up in and eventually was convicted of the truth of it. There is a majority view on here that you are best rid of all belief and I think that many people of faith avoid these threads as they do not want their view to be ripped to shreds but I felt I had to say something. You do not say what religious background you were raised in but I would say, let it all go and then start again genuinely searching for the truth and it will reveal itself to you.

sorry....just re-read and you did mention Church so it was likely a Christian background

Hi OP, I believe in a higher power as well as our loved ones in spirit helping us. However, I don’t believe they will or can help us with every single thing. I find when I ask for help and do absolutely nothing to help myself, nothing ever happens. When I stay positive, practice the law of attraction and put my intention out there , that this is what I’m going to do, help comes to me. In other words, focus on a positive outcome for your problem, rather than dwell on the bad stuff that could happen ( hard I know) , claim your power, you’re not some helpless victim at the whim of the universe and meet them half way and you will be helped. They won’t do 100% of the work, I used to expect that and always complained why I was never helped!

Religion is not the only avenue to spirituality, despite what the churches might claim.

You might benefit from finding out about Humanism. Is a non-religious view point, but has some direction. Here is some information about it.

Some (but not all) religious people seem to believe that people without faith lack purpose or morality and have a void where religion should be. Humanism articulates the tenets that a lot of those without religion follow, though many would not identify as a humanist for various reasons.

God isn't a genie that you can summon in times of need. If you had a friend you only ever heard from when they want something, how would you react to them when they come around wanting something again? You'd help them in your own good time. And hope that this time they want to build an ongoing relationship with you and aren't just out for what they can get. Don't know if this is theologically correct but it's what I think. And I'm often guilty of this.

What is spirituality and why should people seek spirituality?

Well done for seeing reality. But reality is when you no longer think some mythical god is the answer to your difficulties and you have to rely on yourself its scary. Think how sad you are when you realise santa does not exist but you get over it and find a different way to find magic. It will take time but strengthen yourself up and you will be fine.