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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help with University open day

48 replies

Virgo28 · 23/06/2018 14:37

DD1 (17) is just finishing her first year of A levels and has started looking at universities. She went to one open day last weekend with her friends and has arranged another one next week. A friend commented that she was surprised we were letting her go with her friends and not going with her. I was thinking that she could initially have a look with her friends and then when she had a definite list we would go together. AIBU to have agreed to do it this way. Tia

OP posts:
Pippylou · 23/06/2018 14:40

My parents never went with me at all, I'm always surprised so many parents do...

Mind you, if it was me paying...but still, she has to live in the place, it's her decision.

BringOnTheScience · 23/06/2018 14:44

If you have the time & money to go twice, then that's your choice. My DC1 is covering the country visiting 7 unis. We are going with her because there's no way we're doing it twice!

Original poster
Virgo28 · 23/06/2018 14:44

Thanks Pippylou, my thoughts exactly. We would like to check things out once she has made a decision but ultimately she is the one that will be going.

OP posts:
Stephisaur · 23/06/2018 14:46

My parents took me and none of my friends were planning on going to the same universities as I was.

I think your plan sounds refreshing and I’m sure your DD appreciates it :)

Original poster
Virgo28 · 23/06/2018 14:49

Bringonthescience luckily we live reasonably close to a few, the one she went to first was 20 mins on train and she one next week is about 45 mins on train and she is paying. If she decides to visit one that doesn't have good transport links or is too far to travel on bus/train then we will all be going by car.

OP posts:
SexyManatee · 23/06/2018 14:56

It doesn't matter which way you do it. At all.

Boyskeepswinging · 23/06/2018 14:56

Sounds fair enough to me. If she applies and gets an offer she'll likely be invited to an offer holders visit day so you could accompany her then. A lot of uni's provide a parent's programme in parallel with the offer holder's programme for the day which you may find useful eg what you as a parent need to do re. your DD's funding application.

BringOnTheScience · 23/06/2018 14:57

Sounds handy Virgo! We're covering UCL, Edinburgh and Lancaster... plus 4 others. A lot of trains [sigh]

Original poster
Virgo28 · 23/06/2018 15:07

Bringonthescience, she did Bath last week, UCL is the one next week funnily enough and I've been informed that because the train was so expensive they are now going by National Express for £11 each! I have to admit that I am a bit nervous about her going to London but there will be 7 others with her. Also on the list is Southampton, Cardiff and Portsmouth at the moment.

OP posts:
TheThirdOfHerName · 23/06/2018 15:07

Either way is fine.
When I looked around universities, most young people went with their friends.
When DS1 looked around last year, most young people were accompanied by at least one parent.

It doesn't much matter which, so long as the young person develops their own opinion about the place, and doesn't let themselves be swayed too much by peer pressure / parental pressure.

Sparklesocks · 23/06/2018 15:09

No I think that’s fine.
I went with my parents but that’s only because my friends weren’t going to those universities.

It’s also a nice way to build on her independence which she’ll need at uni. At one of the ones I visited we bumped into a mum of an acquaintance and my school..without her daughter. She was scoping the open days without her daughter even coming! Madness

ZiggyTheCat · 23/06/2018 15:19

I did a couple of the further away ones that needed a driver and an overnight stay. I mostly spent the day shuffling along behind at a suitable distance and paying for lunch. My presence wasn't really needed at all.

Original poster
Virgo28 · 23/06/2018 15:22

@sparklesocks that does sound mad to go without the child.
@thethirdofhername - don't think there will be any peer pressure as I Don't think they all will be applying to the same places. They are all going together but some are not even applying they are just a really close supportive group of friends. There shouldn't be an parental pressure either, as long as she is happy with her choice and it's where she wants to be that is fine, although if she ends up choosing one hundreds of miles away I secretly won't be happy.

OP posts:
Elephant14 · 02/09/2018 17:43

I did a search and resurrected this thread as we are starting to look around this Autumn. Bearing in mind the time and distances involved, we can only afford one trip to each of those she wants to see - only one is near our home, friends all going to different places so DD and I are going together to see 3 that require driver/trains and possibly even a hotel.

So when they say 9.30 to 3pm for the open day, does that mean if you're not there by 9.30am you won't get round everything? Subject talk, campus tour, accommodation etc - sounds like a lot of trailing about? I have some mobility problems as well - dreading it to be honest, I'll be limping along and stopping DD having a proper look - frustrating for us both.

I wonder if the OP will come back and tell us how her DD got on?

WhirlyGigWhirlyGig · 02/09/2018 17:53

I went to one with mine, she went to others with her friends. The uni she's going to in under three weeks, neither of us have seen so we're going next weekend.

CraftyGin · 02/09/2018 17:58

The key things are the Department talk, where they will take you through the structure of the degree course and employment statistics, and the Accomodation talk and tour.

A bonus is an activities fair and sports fair. You can do a campus tour on your own - it’s not rocket science. The library is the key place, but, IMO, they are all of the same mind blowing standard.

The accomodation tour may require a lot of logistics, eg coach transfer to the accommodation hub. If that is the case, then booking a slot is important.

If there is only one slot for any particular thing, you should know that up front.

I have been on lots of open days (4 children so far), and have found there is plenty of time. We’ve always had lots of free time, so enough to go for a long lunch, and maybe even a bit of shopping or tourist activity.

TwitterQueen1 · 02/09/2018 18:01

I went with mine because I dealt with all the logistics - transport, parking, food, where do we need to be when... which enabled DDs to focus on the taster sessions, the 'feel' of the place etc.

If my DDs has said they didn't want me to go with them I would have been perfectly OK with that. At this stage in their lives the focus is on leading them to independence and confidence in their own decision-making skills. So it's up to the student basically! pros and cons either way.

amusedbush · 02/09/2018 18:06

I am a course administrator in a university and I work on my department’s stand at our open days. I can confirm that a huge number of potential applicants come with parents (sometimes the whole family!) and very, very few young people actually talk to us - the parents do all of the talking.

Some groups of friends come along but if you ask them anything they either run away giggling or they take leaflets without making eye contact.

I’m not sure what the best way to do it is!

Iused2BanOptimist · 02/09/2018 18:23

I was quite surprised how things have changed - I went to all mine alone, I don't remember other people having parents in tow, it wasn't the thing back then. Yet when we went with DD1 most of the teens were there with at least one parent and the universities definitely expect to sell themselves to parents, with some sessions on finance and accommodation and student support for the parents while the students to be had different sessions.
There was one father and daughter who had been to twelve! I was shocked though Tbf he was an A level teacher and I think he was taking the opportunity be well informed for his students though that doesn't explain why his daughter was happy to go to so many!
I think your daughter sounds very organised and if she is going with her friends that sounds good.
Still, I think my DD was happy to hear our opinions on the universities she/we looked at, there's a lot to think about.

CraftyGin · 02/09/2018 18:26

I went with mine partly because it gave us 1:1 time and away from their large number of siblings.

Iused2BanOptimist · 02/09/2018 18:31

Elephant Yes, I found the timing infuriating - 9:30 start is hard if you have a bit of a journey. We got up at the crack of dawn to leave at 5am for one and it was raining heavily with huge tailbacks at a section of road that was flooded and were still late, along with a lot of others, probably stuck in same jam.
And when we went to Canterbury the trains cost a fortune as having to travel at peak time.
We have Grandparents near Edinburgh so flew up with her for open day and stayed overnight. On flight back we met up with others from our area who had missed half the morning as their carefully planned early morning flight was cancelled.

Iused2BanOptimist · 02/09/2018 18:38

Amusedbush I was trying to drill down one of the lecturers at one place about elements of the course and he eventually said "If she gets an offer from X she should go there, it's better". Which kind of answered our questions! She probably would have chosen X anyway but wouldn't have had the advantage of that nugget of information without my questioning.

amusedbush · 02/09/2018 18:54

Iused2BanOptimist

Yep, out of the two scenarios I mentioned it’s definitely preferable to have the parents there asking questions. I sometimes wonder what the more shy solo teens get out of the visits because they are too embarrassed to ask anything.

Elephant14 · 02/09/2018 19:03

Iused2Ban bloody hell Edinburgh AND Canterbury?! I'm tired just thinking about it!!

littledrummergirl · 02/09/2018 19:04

I took Ds1 to see most of them because none of his friends were applying for the same course/university although he went to a couple with his friends. When he went with his friends they separated out to each see what was important to them and caught up later. When Ds1 and I went we split up- he looked at the course while I found out about accommodation, finance, application process etc.
Even with doing this we did struggle to see everything in the time, mainly because it was a choice of travelling to another campus or seeing accommodation further out. We prioritised the campus.